Regrets

[CinderToriella]

I hve regrets, as im sure everyone does

They seem to be always on my mind lately and nagging at me

How do YOU deal with your regrets? Do you have any?

[M D]

Shel - I don't have regrets, I have lessons that I have learned but no regrets. I did what I could at the time.

Thinking about my past this way is something I have had to work at, alot. I can't focus on the now and the future when I was spending so much time in the past.

Everyone is different and everyone handles things differently, try not to bet yourself up about things too much.

[Rowellen]

I try to think of past mistakes as life's little lessons. Sure there are things that I wish I hadn't done, but most of the big ones have taught me a lesson without which I would not be who I am today. One of my biggest mistakes lead me to my DH. So I try to look for the positive lesson rather than dwell on what I should have done differently ITMS.

[kirsty_lee]

Good thread, and I think you will get a lot of responses for this one.

As for me. On my right wrist I have "No Regrets" tattoed on me. Its pretty much my life motto. I don't believe (for me personally) in having regrets. I have been through a crap load in my life (which is pretty sad, being only 24 and feeling about 40) and I have had some pretty horrific things done to me, which will be with me for the rest of my life. I have done things I am not proud of etc. But do I regret any of it? Nope. Why? In my eyes, if you can't make mistakes and grow from them, how do you learn? I once had someone ask me if I could have a magic wand waved over me to take away every bad thing that has ever happend to, would I do it. My response? No. I honestly wouldn't. Because the things that have happend to me, the things I have done, the lessons that I have learned have made me who I am. Without those things, I am not me. I would be a completely different person. Everyone in life will make mistakes, but its how you deal with them that matters. You learn from them and you do grow as a person. Thats the sort of stuff that shapes you. HTH, really just my own opinion lol

[CinderToriella]

I try to do this as well..great posts guys

I keep thinking that if i didnt have these mistakes/regrets i would not be wuth DF or have DD.

[Tinks]

I have loads of regrets but over time I've learnt that there's no point dwelling on them. I'll never get to re-live the parts of my life I regret and the things I've done or haven't done have made me who I am today and I'm happy with who I am.

I think that's the secret, be happy with who you are and your regrets won't matter.

[CinderToriella]

KL i agree with you!

I feel i am who i am today coz of what has happened in my life..I am strong independent and feel like i am older than my years coz of the things that have happened

I have also been through a lot and i normally dont regret my past i feel i have learnt from it and its made me ME... I would not be the person i am today without my past..
If i could take away the things iv done ,or had done i would have to think long and hard about it ,and would prob not do it

Although in saying that there is a couple of annoying nagging thoughts in my head atm that i want to push out ,and iv been trying to work through those atm in my head LOL

[Phteven]

I have made so many mistakes in my life. I often feel like my life has been a series of blunders and errors but the funny thing is I have very seldom had any regrets because for most of my life I have been pretty happy and it's all my mistakes that have bought me to where I am.
My regrets are mainly for the small things that can't be fixed like the times I have hurt people's feelings.

[Beach Mama]

I try not to dwell on them but sometimes they do pop up and I don't like the fact that I hurt some people along the way and can't take back that hurt. When mine pop up I ask myself why it is that I am dwelling on some major ones at that time, usually something has happened to stir things up and brought them to the forefront again. Is there something that is bringing up these feelings for you now?? Maybe look at why and why now as you deal with them. xoxo It's not nice at all and can be really difficult but I try to live for now. Not the past and not always the future either because you don't know what will happen in the next 5 mins sometimes but for now and what you can focus on in the present.

[Rach75]

the one regret I have is not taking picture of my darling daughter when she was born at the time it seemed right but as the years go on and people start to forget or only focus on my living children I regret I dont have her picture hangning on my wall its in my heart its in my head I can close my eyes and still see and remember her smell and how soft her skin was, but nobody else can see what I see and till the day I die and rejoin my beautiful baby I will regret the decision we made 7 years ago

[Indadhanu]

I posted about regrets in another thread. Have on let me find it...

We make the decisions that are best for us at that point in time, and whether someone else doesn't like it, or we come to not like the decision we made, the fact is that we made that decision. It was the choice that we made, the best one for us at the time. It was what we thought was right. A

nd always remembering that hindsight is wonderful, but you never have hindsight until you make the deicison. You can't look back until you make decisions and move forward. It's scary and new and uncertain when you are looking forward into new terrain, but it's never as scary, never as daughting, and always a lot clearer when you look back. You look back and you can see all the paths you could have taken. But looking forward, you're always trying to just get through it, you don't always look for alternative routes. You're just trying to get through it.

Anyway, that probably went way off topic but sometimes I'd like to post that. On many threads, to many people, I'd like to post that. In fact, I'd like to print it and stick it on my wall so I can remember it more often than I do! We make the choices, and whether we think someone thinks its wrong, or we ourselves come to a point where we think it's wrong or not the best choice, we made that chocie. No use letting someone else's words make us feel bad, because at the end of the day it was US. It was OUR choices, that we thought was right.

That's how I work through 'regrets'. Remembering that at the time I amde a decision, and whether or not it ended up being the best decision, I made it because it was the decision I felt was right for me at the time.

Plus, you can't say you would go back and do it differently because you wouldn't have the knowledge you have now. You would still do the same thing, because you'd be in the same place with the same knowledge and priorities. The decisions we are making RIGHT NOW could one day be a 'regret', but right now would you see it that way? No. Because you're making the decision based on RIGHT NOW, not from a point in the future after you've already made the decision.

[Catastrophic]

I don't have regrets - I have 'hindsight' ... I would sooo do things differently if i had the hindsight there first! But if i do stuff up (HAVE DONE THAT ALOT) i don't regret - obviously i thought that was the best thing to do at the time, and i stand by that...

[Malyna]

I got rid of my regrets a long time ago. Regrets keep you tied to your past, which makes it hard to live in the present. I woke up one day and decided I was tired of having them on a chain around my neck, weighing me down - so I threw them all out - well I wrote them down on a piece of paper and burnt them in the kitchen sink!

[littlemissmountain]

I am naturally my own worst critic.
So when it comes to regrets, I always try to remind myself, that just like everyone else, in that moment I was doing the best I could with what I had.

Knowing I won't have my time again... I try to be kind to myself and trust that every tough lesson I have learned is part of a perfect formulation that helps me to be me.

The feelings that come with a memory of regret also often include other people and their judgement. As far as that goes: those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

[Nelle]

I have stacks of regrets! DH asks me whether I'd change stuff though, and generally the answer is no. (Or yes, with lots of conditions, like that the future has to be exactly the same, but then it gets too confusing and I end up saying no.)
I love that from my mistakes I've learned lessons, had opportunities to change and grow, to deepen relationships, and lots more - but I still do regret every time I don't do what I know to be right or wise.
I don't think it's bad to acknowledge that, and I don't want to forget that regret entirely (although unhelpful dwelling is a different thing) - because remembering the past will help me to do better in my future. If I don't remember 'remember the time you made that mistake and how much you regret that' then I could easily make it again.

[toomanyshoes]

As others have said I too try to live my life thinking the past has made me who I am today but in all honesty I still have my days where I think about the what if's and how things could have been if done differently, I think that's natural but you have to pull yourself back out of that.



I could write a 100 part series on all the things I've wonder if I could have done better/differently lol

[BekZ]

I have lots of regrets, mainly about my miss spent youth and early 20's. Although, I don't regret the lessons that I learnt during this time. Lately I've been dwelling on the should haves but I know I can't change anything and everything is as it should be for now.

[Inertia]

I would like to say I have this giant mountain of a regret sitting in my past, but I don't have that luxury. I would love to regret every moment spent with my XH just so that I could then honestly hate those years and purge them from memory...

But I won't purge my two kids. I wouldn't then and I won't now.

In essence, every regret you wish you could change would probably come with a price. It makes it easier to live with when you realise you couldn't afford to pay it.