So the funeral is on Saturday. Dp has been totally great with me but I really don't know how I'm going to cope.
We web to the funeral place today to organize stuff and when she asked what coffin we would like I broke down. If I break down over that how am I going to go on Saturday?
I know you will manage. I don't know how, but I know you will. I attended a funeral for my brother's best mate's twins who passed at 10mins and 18 mins. You don't need to say anything. You don't need to do anything. You just need to be there.
You have been through so much pain and suffering over the last nine days. I'm truly sorry.
I hope and pray that Hayley's funeral will be the beginning of a new journey for you. A journey that will never be the same as before - but perhaps, just perhaps, your heart will rest a little better for having said a formal goodbye.
If you need me to be there, please please let me know. I'm more than happy to come.
Just take it one step at a time. Don't try and worry about how you will cope with Saturday today, deal with your feeling on saturday when saturday comes.
Will be thinking of you & your DH Saturday. I love the photo you have of Hayley
I can't answer, because I don't know. You might break down, you might hold it all in til afterwards.
When MIL put her 2 babies to rest, she was a mess. She doesn't remember alot of the funerals (2 babies, 3 years apart), except when they were lowering one into the ground & she howled. She couldn't hold it in any longer. It may even have been DH who told me that, not her...
It'll break your heart all over again & you will do what ever is right for you at the time.
you know what? you dont need to hold it together babe. you are saying goodbye and gosh darn it, if you can't hold it together and need to go with that emotion, then just let it darling, let it happen.
One thing that i know helped (helped in the sense of finding some strength to get through) was to see my Oma (the one we were organising the funeral for) as often as possible in the lead up. I would call the funeral home that morning and go over and just sit there and hold her hand. i did ALOT of big phat cries in those moments, i got to stroke her hair, kiss her, arrange her clothes/rosary, put in the photos, letters etc etc over the course of that week.
do what you need to do babe.
(and it is more than ok to cry and break down when they ask you what coffin you would "like" for your precious baby...there is no answer to that question and therefore by its very nature is hard and confronting).
i am thinking of you and DH and your baby girl daily, and I will be thinking of you all on Saturday. I hope that the service is gentle and loving and can be, at the very least, a true reminder for all that attend what a loved and truly beautiful, precious baby the two of you made
i broke down many, many times during Anthonys service but its normal hun, you are grieving, you are allowed to break down, scream, cry whatever it is that takes a tiny tiny bit of the pain away.
You will cope because its what we are "programmed" to do, theres no doubt it will be hard, I remember how hard it was like it was yesterday for me but you do get through the day, I was kind of on auto pilot, i got through it not sure how i was numb, not really functioning properly.
I will be lighting a candle on saturday and have been thinking of you lots xx
Last edited by Rainbow_Mumma; March 30th, 2011 at 06:44 PM.
Hugs hun you are allowed to break down and cry you are saying goodbye to your baby girl, no one expects you to cope in any specific way, everyone copes differently.
If you want me too come I can, just let me know hun xoxo
As everyone has said there is no right or wrong, if you break down thats fine, if you don't thats fine, if you cry thats fine, if you scream thats fine, if you sit there and say nothing thats fine.
Oh gorgeous woman, whatever way you get through is ok. It doesn't matter how you are, you are grieving and there is no normal way to do that.
Everyone else has said it all already... I'm not sure I have anything more to add except that I'm constantly thinking of you and dp and that I'm here for you, we all are. If you ever want company, or a shoulder to cry on, I'm close by.
sweetie, I don't think anyone expects you to "cope" or behave in any specific manner. You're grieving the loss of your precious little girl. I'm so very sorry that you have to do this and I will be thinking of you and your DH on Saturday.
I wish I knew the answer to this question A, but I think the actual answer is that there is no answer. You will get through this, maybe you won't meet your definition of coping, but you will get through this with the help of your DH and family. You may cry, scream, break down or you might not. I wish there was a way that you could predetermine how you would feel and work out a way to deal with it but I just don't think it's possible. Please know that we are all here thinking of you and supporting you and I will be sending you strength on Saturday and say a little prayer for you guys. Xx
as the girls have said, no one expects you to hold it together. Cry, lean on your family and friends for support. I am so very sorry I wish I could be there for you on Sat. Know that I am here anytime.
Last edited by Cherished; March 31st, 2011 at 07:20 AM.
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I wish I was there to stand with you and hold you while you cried...
Coping with the funeral
as the girls have said, no one expects you to hold it together. Cry, lean on your family and friends for support. I am so very sorry
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