Separation anxiety...not him, ME!!!! Advice please!!

[krystals]

So it's been 11 months and almost 2 weeks and DS has spent all of his time with Mummy except for about 10 hours total when it was just Daddy.

I have 3 people close by that I would be happy leaving to care for DS but I just don't seem to be able to make the steps toward making it happen. I can always make excuses for why it won't happen. Yup, I'm the crazy lady who won't let her child out of her sight. I tell myself that it's easy, that I trust these people, but then I talk myself out of it again.

It's getting to the point where I know I have to do something soon, otherwise I'll never let go, and it'll be worse for all of us when I go back to work (not for a while yet). For people who have been in the same situation as I'm in, unable to physically remove yourself from your child's presence, but have needed to....what steps did you take to make it happen?

I wish my mum or sister in law lived closer. That way they would've had him ages ago (But I can say that, perhaps I'd still be in the same position!)

[crumpet]

hun i could have written ur post word for word

i to have big issues leaving DD, to the point where ill find any excuse under the sun to avoid it.

she has probably been looked after for a total of 10hrs by someone other than DH or I in her 8 month life its not that i dont trust anyone with her but to me its my job to look after her and be with her.

theres been many times where ive thought about organising a date night with DH and then push comes to shove and i dont go through with it

ive got no advice but i just wanted u to know ur definitely not alone!

[krystals]

thankyou!!

its not that i dont trust anyone with her but to me its my job to look after her and be with her.

This is what usually drives me away from whatever I've planned- how dare I go and get my hair done/watch a movie/go out for dinner/lunch/MARY POPPINS!!!! What kind of excuse is that to leave my baby who needs me? What if he needs some boobies??? Even though he goes most days 6-30am-6-30pm without them? LOL

I think I have a heightened sense of how much he actually needs me LOL. But that's what goes through my head.

[crumpet]

thankyou!!



This is what usually drives me away from whatever I've planned- how dare I go and get my hair done/watch a movie/go out for dinner/lunch/MARY POPPINS!!!! What kind of excuse is that to leave my baby who needs me? What if he needs some boobies??? Even though he goes most days 6-30am-6-30pm without them? LOL

I think I have a heightened sense of how much he actually needs me LOL. But that's what goes through my head.

i dont even have the boob excuse!

i know DD will be fine without me, the 3 times ive had to leave her she didnt bat a eyelid, but irrational me thinks "you never know..."

pretty sure i need her more than she needs me!

[krystals]

any ideas wonder mummies/daddies???

[NaeNae]

I hear you sister ...... aside from a few hours here and there and nights during this pregnancy I have ALWAYS been with DD. I only handed the night shift over to DH because I needed a break to sleep but if I hear her crying through the night I still wake up and sometimes get up and check they are alright.

DD was breast fed up until 2-3 weeks ago and we went cold turkey because I just couldn't deal witht he tongue flink nipple thing she started aside from a few other things.

I have my FIRST "girls night out" with my bestie this saturday night and I am spending the night away from home. I will be out early on Sat morning come home for a little bit then out again until maybe lunchtime the next day.

Part of me is DREADING being so far away from DD (1hr) for such a long time but another part of me is saying " its going to be a few years before you get to do this again"

I have no tips on how to deal with it, But I can tell you I feel horrid about the decision but I am in such need for some "me only" time before the next baby comes and before I get too big to travel longer distances.

If I remember to pop back and let you know how it goes I will

Nae x

[krystals]

Rationally, I see your post NaeNae and I want to say to you "Of course you need some YOU time, It's 'only' one night, just go out, have a good time, it'll be sweet" But then I think of someone using those words on me and I cringe! LOL

It's so difficult isn't it! That's what gets me- is the frustration of going through most of my life rationally and then having such an overwhelming need to be with one person. (But then I write that sentence and think- my god woman, you're his MOTHER!!! It's natural!).

I hope you have a wonderful night with your bestie, and I think it's great you'll be with someone who can support you! xxxx

[NaeNae]

LOL I know yeah!!!

I HATE it when DH has her in the office (which is an unused bedroom in our house) and I have a few hours where I don't see her .. OMG seriousl attachment issues there and its HER DADDY.
Its completely irrational and illogical but NATURAL ... go figure!

Yeah its been so long since we've done anything like this I am talking 2008. She is also pregnant (10 days behind me) with her first and we've kind of drifted a little over the last few years but her being pregnant is bringing us closer together so I want to make an effort ITMS.Its going to be a really bonding thing for us and I have to keep focussed on the GOOD aspects of being apart from DD and what it does for the other parts of me LOL

x x

[kelebek]

I have been there and when DS was little the only person I would leave him with would be OH. That would be my suggestion is to start to leave him with your DH first, for just 2 hrs. Go somewhere, grab a magazine to help distract you and get a coffee.

My DS was feeding every 2/3 hrs at 11 mnths but when I wasn't there he was ok (I went back to work 3 days a week when DS as 11 mnths and OH looked after him those 3 days so I started the 'weaning' process earlier)

I know looking after your DS is your 'job' so that means you should be getting some time off just like you would if you were employed. On this 'job' you work 24/7 with no meal breaks and extra domestic duties added, all the more reason that it is OK to go get your hair done, have a coffee and meal in peace

We also produce love hormones when they are around... they are addictive too so it is normal for you to want to be with your DS all the time, you are hardwired for this, but it is good to let your village help especially if you have to go back to work.

the first time is the hardest and it does get easier

[crumpet]

so DH and i are going on a movie date next weekend eeeekkkk!

i really want to see the glee movie ( please dont hate me ) so DH suggested we go and i thought why not!!

havnt worked out what time or day yet, so we havnt decided what to do with DD but i dare say she will end up at MIL's *cringe*

that in its self is enough to make me want to cancel the idea already!

[kelebek]

see if there is a day session you can go to, get micky D's or kfc on the way so you don't have to do lunch for a long time and then see your movie. There is nothing wrong with a quick out and in trip the first time

[crumpet]

thats a good idea, might suggest that to DH, thanks!

[HotI]

we took my 15 month old with us to the movies. it was a day time session, so not many people in the theatre. she was pretty good, happy to play on the stairs when she got sick of sitting and loved having a dance to the music. i reckon it would be even easier with a younger bub. oh dear, i think i just gave you an excuse NOT to leave her.

[onthefly]

Honestly, I think if you feel that way and you don't need to leave him then don't. It's ok to feel that way - in fact it's natural and normal. It certainly doesn't make you a crazy lady.

[~ Mylitta ~]

It took me more than 2 years to leave my DS for the first time with my parents. They came to our house and looked after the kids for 4 hours while DH and I went out. I checked the phone constantly, lol.

Then only other time we were separated was when I had DD. We expected bub and I to be home less than 24 hours later, but due to an unforeseen heart complication DD was admitted to SCN for a couple of extra nights. It was heartbreaking to not know if she was ok, and also to be away from DS those extra days. Luckily DH was happy to bring DS into the hospital a couple of times a day for me.