DD's Xmas-time Birthday = scheduling nightmare!

[*Ang*]

DD's birthday is the 23/12, she will be 8 this year. Every year we have problems celebrating her birthday, none of which is her fault the poor thing. For the first 3 years of her life we were able to celebrate her birthday a couple of weeks early because of some people's concerns that it was too close to xmas (other family members thought we were being silly doing it that way). The last couple of years tho have now resulted in her birthday becoming a scheduling nightmare and I now don't know what to do.

Some background, we are very close to DH's immediate family and it is "expected" that we celebrate her birthday with them (around 15 of them) and mine (4). DH's sister and brother both work for their uncle (who is part of the immediate family).

DD's birthday this year falls on a Friday. We do not want to celebrate her birthday on the Saturday (Christmas Eve). As per the past couple of years the uncle's company has scheduled their end of year christmas party for DD's birthday. Have been told emphatically by SIL that they will not be coming from the party (a luncheon followed by drinks) to celebrate DD's birthday and that Christmas Eve is not convenient for anyone so we have to do it some other time. And this is where the nightmare begins!!!!!

Sunday Dec 4th is out as BIL's daughter is turning 1 and has her her christening, Sat Dec 10th I have a course that has been booked in for months and cannot be changed, Sun Dec 11th a friends baby shower (which BIL's wife is also going to), Sun Dec 18th one of our BF's childs first birthday and christening and another of our best friend's sons birthdays is Dec 22nd and has mentioned they will be having his party on either Sat 17th or Sun 18th. So we are literally fully booked!

I am so angry, I know it is no-ones fault and I know that it cannot be helped that other peoples babies were born last year at this horrible time of year or that work xmas parties are held around this time. But I just feel for DD, she always seems to miss out with her birthday being this close to christmas and we always seem to be making allowances for other people. I just don't know what to do.

Do I have it mid week in the evening (which from past experiences is always a fizzer because people are tired and leave really quickly and she has a few young cousins that she loves to play with who get tired early), do I take a punt on Saturday 17th even tho it may clash with our other friend's birthday and I know SIL will complain cause it is a Saturday?

I just don't know.

Any advice is much appreciated as I am at a loss as to what to do and even tho it shouldn't be stressing me out it is as I don't want her to miss out and be relegated because she has the simple misfortune of being born on 23 Dec.

[*Belle*]

i dont see why you cant have a party or get together after bil DD christening seems only option and all relatives are already there??

[FabFiona]

If it's "expected" that you celebrate her birthday with them then they need to make themselves available. I think you need to get your friends to firm up either the 17th or the 18th and do your party on the other day.

Otherwise if it's too hard then don't do anything with your extended family and celebrate your little ones birthday on her day with just your family.

It's such a crappy time of year!! i'm sorry you feel that your little one is missing out.

FW

[*Ang*]

Great idea Belle, I hadn't even thought about that. But unfortunately I think BIL's wife (SIL no 2), would say no as she would feel that the "attention" had been taken away from her DD. If worse comes to worse I could suggest that tho.

FF, Sunday 18th is out due to the other christening so I will definitely need to confirm with other friend about when she has her friends birthday.

The bugger about all of this is that the 2 friend's whose children's birthdays are so close are basically our closest friends so we have to attend their children's celebrations. Up until 3 years ago we thought how unusual for our DD to have her birthday so close to xmas and were able to get around it, we certainly won't be able to in future years now!!!!

[Onelittleprincess]

WHy not the following weekend? A new years party. Yes a week late but that way she still get s a day to herself and very little conflict in scheduling

[NaeNae]

Ang - this si really going to sound harsh but OMG if you have been "accommodating" these people and putting their needs before your DD for 8 yrs it seems like someone upstairs is telling you to toughen up.

IF they really care about your daughter they will pull their heads out of their backsides and prioritise HER and work their schedules around her.

You know what I think,

I think you should throw your daughter the BEST party ever ON her birthday. Invite her friends around (hoping they will be out of school right?) Even if its an afterschool party from 4-6 or whatever. Make HER day special for her.
Christmas eve day is not an excuse either ... Christmas Day YES ... but not Christmas eve day. If they absolutely MUST have a get together for your DD because its expected ... we you throw a lunch or something ON Xmas Eve Day and tell them YOU expect them to be there. Those that care about your DD and I mean really really care about her will show up. The others can go to buggery - stuff it, its not about THEM and they need to realise that!!

SOrry this is a little close to home for me, my DH's birthday is the 18th Dec and fromt he way his family act you'd think it was ON Xmas day ... just gives me the Poops.

Much luv hun, you just need to do whats best for your little girl,

Nae x

[Traveller]

My birthday is on December 24th so I feel your pain.

What I would do is this:

1) let your family know that your DD is older now and would love to see them around her birthday, but that her actual celebration will be a kids only affair with her school friends.
2) book the party for Saturday 17th and let your friend know. As they have not fixed a date yet then they can fit their party around yours.
3) arrange a time after the festive season to get together with all your family so your DD can have a belated celebration with them.

If you do this now, then you can set a precedent for future years and get rid of this "expectation" that you will celebrate her birthday with family. She's a kid after all, she should be running round a playcentre or playing pass the parcel with her schoolfriends, not feeling guilty that she is inconveniencing family (not you, but your IL's who expect to be there). I love having a Christmas birthday but the only thing that upsets me is when nobody prioritises it because they are so worried about other obligations, or they make me feel like they are doing me a favour by celebrating with me.

[Traveller]

WHy not the following weekend? A new years party. Yes a week late but that way she still get s a day to herself and very little conflict in scheduling

In response to this, maybe I was a spoilt kid but I remember gushing with tears that my birthday party was after Christmas. I felt like nobody could be bothered with me and that Christmas was more important. Please don't do this.

[Cally]

I'd organise it for a day that suits DD and her friends. Family just need to fit it in, if they feel it is important then they will make the effort to come. There will come a point when she will just wants friends there anyway, not a party with all of the extended family.

I'm not inviting family members to anymore of DD's parties, it is just too hard to organise with everyone's varying schedules and travelling as all of my family are 2 hours away.

[~ Zarava Flutterby ~]

It's school holidays around then right, i would have a party ON her birthday, give people enough notice so that they can take the day off work if need be, if htey can't make it during the day tell them it's a leftovers party that night

Personally you should't have to work around everyone else.
We have a similar issue with the fact DD2 is 6th Jan, everyone is generally off on holidays before school goes back or before work starts again, this year we have a friend who's son will be having a 1st b'day and a close friend will be due to pop, i don't know what were doing with hers. yet. eek

[Sopdet]

We've got 2 in the family around Christmas (January), we either used to do it the month before or the month after (thus allowing to get the goodies from the after Christmas sales). Only birthday's we've ever done on their actual birthdates are the milestone ones (18 & 21).

[MamaPan]

Ask your DD what she wants - giver her some options - something on the day, something after xmas etc. its her bdfay she should feel special...
if what she wants doesnt fit with the other plans.. then so be it. your priority as HEr mum is to give her the bday she wants...

[phebee]

Why not do combined birthday celebrations if they're all so close? I mean other than that, I am of the opinion that you shouldn't have to juggle your lives around to cater for everyone else. Heck, my birthday is in July but I never had the whole extended family with me to celebrate. I celebrated with my friends - MY friends, my age - and my immediate family and saw the extended family when I saw them. She shouldn't have to worry about pleasing so many people at once and neither should you. At that age it's all about parties with school friends and pass the parcel. Just my opinion


Sent from my iPod touch - sorry for any mistakes!

[~Hestia~]

I feel that it's your DD's special day and you should have a celebration (if you/she wants one) when it suits you guys. It's not about pleasing everyone else, after all it's her birthday. I would be making a date and sticking to it despite what other family members think. I understand this year you have a lot going on (without throwing Christmas into the mix!) but this would apply for future birthdays too.

Hope you find something that works! I have been interested in all the replies as my bub is due mid December so this something I will be dealing with in the years to come

[feeb]

Given she is old enough now to have her own friends to pick that she wants to invite I would have it when best suits you and her! Invite her friends she wants and what ever family can make it good otherwise too bad its her birthday with her friends and if family can't see that they can bugger off!!!!!!!!

Grrr at your SIL thinking attention would be off her DD FFS will be happening for ever now as 2 kids in family have birthdays near each other!!

I hope you can work it out without too much stress.

[LionsandBears]

I agree with everyone who said it's time to make a stand. The poor kid must feel so unimportant. If people care enough, they'll make an effort. I'd love the response from my SiL if I ever whinged about them scheduling my niece or nephew's birthday without consulting me i dont think so!!

When does your DD want her birthday celebrated? Why not on her birthday. Have a party with friends on the day. If they're all travelling, then the Saturday or Sunday before sounds good. Book it in now and send out invitations. If people can come then great, if they can't, that's part of life.

I'm a December baby and though my birthday was early Dec, I still resented the "combined" birthday & Christmas presents. Everyone else got both. I felt less special for not getting both. Maybe that's greedy but dont expect kid's to be logical about birthdays.

Who the hell is your SIL anyway that she gets to dictate to you about your own child's birthday? The Queen? That p's me off.

[Trillian]

What about a 'high tea' afternoon tea party at a nice cafe somewhere?Then she could have it on her birthday or at least during the week and maybe more family came come? You really need to remember that her birthday is about HER, not your family and if they can't come or can't make the effort to come, then that is their problem and not something you need to be responsible for

[*Ang*]

Thanks for all your wonderful ideas and suggestions ladies, you have made me feel a bit better about the whole thing and given me some food for thought.

Yes her birthday does fall in the school holidays (here in WA the kids will finish by Friday 16th Dec). And you know what, I was so upset about it all that I hadn't even thought about a mid week day time party! I really like that idea for all of her friends and if I give plenty of notice hopefully she will get a good attendance (not that it's all about attendance but you know what I mean).

I will talk more with DH soon - like most men he doesn't understand a) why I am getting so upset about it and b) why I am thinking about it so far in advance but I think I may just go ahead and do it on her birthday in the evening and if they can't come they can't come....que sera sera.

Love love the idea of the high tea Trillian, as it is she cannot decide what she wants - a park, a mermaid party and rollerskating are some of the ideas she has thrown at me already!

Once again thanks for all your words of wisdom and advice.