I feel that it's your DD's special day and you should have a celebration (if you/she wants one) when it suits you guys. It's not about pleasing everyone else, after all it's her birthday. I would be making a date and sticking to it despite what other family members think. I understand this year you have a lot going on (without throwing Christmas into the mix!) but this would apply for future birthdays too.

Hope you find something that works! I have been interested in all the replies as my bub is due mid December so this something I will be dealing with in the years to come