how to say they are not invited

[hj1981]

More so............. does anyone think this is rude?


Well it is DD's 1st birthday on sunday, and of course we are having a little party for her
I have invited a few of my uni friends as they were there throughout my pregnancy and all came and saw me in hospital after i had her, so i thought it would be nice to invite them to her first birthday.

So on the invitations it has just them, not their partners and not their kids (is that okay?).
All of them have RSVP'd and said they are coming, and one of them has said she and her husband and 3 kids will be there!
Now with out being to rude how do i say that her husband and kids are not invited?
We personally do not like her husband, and the stuff she says about him and the way he treats her, hasn't helped the matter, he is rude and lazy and her kids are quite unruley, last event they went too they drew all over the host's walls with pencils! and they are old enough to know better.

So do you find it rude that she is bringing her family along without asking?

[blessedatlast]

I don't think you can say partners & kids aren't invited. Why would you not invite kids to a kids party? .. Why would adults want to come to a childs party without their kids? If I was them, I wouldn't come if I couldn't bring my kids... JMO though.. You are entitled to have there who you want

[HotI]

i'm with BAL.

I don't think you can say that her husband and kids are not invited without being rude.

[Traveller]

If you really dislike the husband then you will need to tell her that he (and the kids) are not invited, and why. Be prepared that this most likely result in the loss of a friend though, these things can rarely be said nicely.

[hj1981]

well her kids don't even know my kids for one, there will be other kids there but they are from our play group so they are all friends, and for two the party isn't for her kids it is for my child.

If she had of turned around and asked could they come.... maybe a different story, but she didn't she just said they are coming. I know if i was just invited to a party than i would clarify if my kids and husband could come i would never just invite them along without asking!
There are also a few little children around and her kids are a bit older, and with their lack of good behaviour the last thing i want is the other parents to be not enjoying themselves because they are worried about their younger children around these kids, and the last thing i want to be doing is policing kids in my house that really have no respect for other peoples belongings!
The other ladies don't have a problem with coming without their partners, although we would love for their partners to come we have even turned around and said feel free to invite them but they don't feel it is something they should go too and are looking forward to an afternoon partner free

[Bengal]

Are you sure the other gals arnt bringing their kids ?

[helle]

I'm with BAL too. I think that's pretty bad form to be honest. Especially not inviting kids either. To me when you have a husband and kids you become one unit.
Sorry love!

[hj1981]

so are you all saying that you would just invite the rest of your family along without even clarifyng if they are invited or not?

And although we have said that there is no need to bring a gift, she is the only one that has stated she will not be bringing a gift because they can't afford too (fair enough) but than again to invite your whole family for free feed and drink!!!! surely that can't be right! once again i would never do such a thing! but maybe i have just been brought up differently!

[Traveller]

I would personally think it very odd to be invited to a child's birthday party without my children. In fact I would definitely make the assumption my kids were invited unless told otherwise.

[TeniBear]

Are you sure the other gals arnt bringing their kids ?

That's what I was just thinking - if I was invited to a first birthday, I'd assume the invitation was for all of us

[hj1981]

Are you sure the other gals arnt bringing their kids ?

they are not bringing their kids, or husbands and they do not have a problem with it

[*LittleMissSummer*]

I'm with BAL as well.

[MummaBee]

Its a party for a kid isnt it??????? I can understand you dont want them there but you shouldn't of invited her if you dont want her family to come. If I was her I would have just presumed that you wanted my kids there.

[hj1981]

That's what I was just thinking - if I was invited to a first birthday, I'd assume the invitation was for all of us

even if you don't know the rest of the family or have nothing to do with them????

i would understand that if their family was friends with our family (but if that was the case the whole family would be on the invite), but they are not, her kids don't know my kids or any of the other kids, we don't do things outside of uni together with the families

[hj1981]

and its a party for a ONE year old! not a 4+ year old where you would have kiddy food and kiddy games etc... it is mainly adults that are coming apart from 4 other children aged....2x 2.5yrs old 8mths, and 6mths.

[Maruschke]

Sorry hun I'm with the others - I would assume that the kids were invited, I assume my family is one unit, and I would be offended for you to tell me that my husband and child weren't invited. Especially if I went and saw other husbands / children there. It might mean the end of this friendship.

Sorry I have no suggestions for how to do this nicely, to be honest, I do think it's kinda bad form.

[hj1981]

so everyone on here would ASSUME and NOT ask??? is that correct?

[*LittleMissSummer*]

and its a party for a ONE year old! not a 4+ year old where you would have kiddy food and kiddy games etc... it is mainly adults that are coming apart from 4 other children aged....2x 2.5yrs old 8mths, and 6mths.

Then perhaps make it a verbal invitation so everyone invited understand what you want. I honestly don't see why you wouldn't want other children and you can still have "kiddy" food and games i did at my DD's 1st birthday.. but then its your party.