I think i've changed my mind

[*TripleJ*]

i think i want another baby
i dont know how to tell DH i told him i was definately finished
now i dont know

[LuluHB]

I told my DH that I was done the second DD2 was born. It was almost 3 years later that I dropped the bombshell on him. It took him a bit to come around (he's the go away and think about things quietly kind of person), but (obviously!) he agreed.

I think its natural to waiver in what you thought was an absolute finish to your family. As your kids grow your feelings change - at least mine did.

[*TripleJ*]

even 1 month ago i still thought i was done it just changed all of a sudden when i had a preg scare yesterday

[PumpkinZulu]

Would be be open to another baby? So it was just a scare, you're not utd?

[*TripleJ*]

as far as i know the test was - i think i am now but i didnt realise i could change my mind so suddenly

[Arimeh]

I understand

....I've been "done" twice now.... and who knows what the future will bring....lol

[phynna]

Lol go on, get into bed and make some babies chicky! I knew you'd end up clucky again sooner or later lol

[Arcadia]

Yes I know that feeling! I have toyed with the idea of finishing now, but I can't comprehend never being pg again or birthing again, or holding and feeding that tiny baby *melting heart

[misty]

I build up to it. Just starting with little hints here and there, "what if we had another..." "do you remember when <insert names> was a baby.....I miss that" etc. Inserting sentences like that as often as possible into coversation, but where there is little or no room for him to replie to it. It gives him time to become accustomed to the idea that you might have changed your mind, given him time to think about what having another baby means to him, and then doesn't come as such a shock when you do come out and say "hey, I want another...."
I have done this a couple of times so far [and if I am being completely honest, have already started 'hinting' at maybe having another... ]

[Enchanted]

I told DH I was finished too. We had made a decision that we wanted to be pg. score the end of 2010 if we were having another one. 2010 passed and in April last year I decided that I did want another. Poor DH was a bit shocked and took a bit of convincing but after a lot of talk about positives, negatives, our lifestyle etc he decided another bub would be great.

Good luck chatting to your DH about it, it might take some time to get his head around it but keep talking!!

[AwesomeFoursome]

I told DH I was definately finished after no.1, no.2, no.3 and now no.4. but now he does believe me .

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I don't think that what you are doing is very nice to your DH. He has adjusted to you not wanting more children. Springing it on him that you've changed your mind isn't fair. What happens if he doesn't want more children? What happens if he has started to plan a baby-free life and you start nagging about babies again? "Convincing", to most men, means "nagging until he gives in or walks out" - and many don't really want to walk out on their families.

I just know that my DH has changed his mind a few times (claims that he has never done that too) and the emotional turmoil I've been in from it. And it isn't fair. If you agree to something with your OH, you should stick to it. At least then people know where they stand, rather than living on the edge the whole time.

[loulabelle]

disagree ^^

you're lives together are a joint decision. just talk to him, suss how he feels about it. The only way you'll know if its a possibility is to talk. xx

Sent from my GT-S5570 using Tapatalk

[Enchanted]

Wow TFB, I think your words are quite harsh. Yes, it can cause conflict in a relationship but does that mean that TripleJ should just put her feelings and wants aside so she doesn't possibly upset her DH?! I don't think that is fair at all. From my experience I couldn't control the way I felt, which is why I brought the subject up with DH. Kept the lines of communication open as to how we BOTH felt & worked on it from there. As for her DH possibly "planning a baby free life"? I would have thought that a DH & DW would both be involved in that planning & moving forward together?!

I do see you're talking from a place of pain and I'm sorry you are there but I don't think you need to come down on TripleJ about it. She's asking for advice, not a lecture about how you think she should be sticking to her word.

[PumpkinZulu]

TFB, I know you're coming from a place of hurt But I guess you can apply how TripleJ is feeling in a different way to your own situation. I know if I wanted more children, I'd absolutely need to explore that with my partner. As you know, the urge is overwhelming and consuming, if I felt room in my heart for one more, it would be extremely difficult to ignore that.

[*TripleJ*]

i agree with u to an extent TFB and i talked to DH and he said no way then he told me u said u were finished could u deal wit these 2 and a baby it sounds like he has left the decision to me but pointing out all the ways i wouldnt be able to cope he knows me and hes right i wouldnt cope especially since i want a full time job and save a deposit for a house definately not possible with another baby
the way he is i dont think he would care if i really wanted another one he would let me but i have thought about it and right now is not the time for another baby

[JoyMama]

So many circumstances can make you say a "definite no" and it sounds pretty normal to change your mind. I had tough ride after each babe, so much I thought I was done.
I did not nag DH, but it is worth the gentle chats. My DH is also in a different head space too (our youngest is nearly 4 and we have the "head and heart space" now for another baby).
Just begin the chats,gently, then you will know.
Much love
xoxo

[misty]

I don't think that what you are doing is very nice to your DH. He has adjusted to you not wanting more children. Springing it on him that you've changed your mind isn't fair. What happens if he doesn't want more children? What happens if he has started to plan a baby-free life and you start nagging about babies again? "Convincing", to most men, means "nagging until he gives in or walks out" - and many don't really want to walk out on their families.

I just know that my DH has changed his mind a few times (claims that he has never done that too) and the emotional turmoil I've been in from it. And it isn't fair. If you agree to something with your OH, you should stick to it. At least then people know where they stand, rather than living on the edge the whole time.

Totally disagree with this. People change their minds about things, and it often isn't based on logic, but rather emotion so isn't easily controlled. If you do change your mind about something as big as this you owe it to your partner to be honest about it. Who is to say your partner won't also have a change of mind. And if they don't, well at least you know where you both stand and aren't just pretending.

In my house, it takes two 'yes's and one 'no' to make an important decision like another child. I honestly thought the entire way through this last pregnancy and in the first 2 months of having bub that I would not have any more kids. Four was enough. I even contemplated getting my tubes tied. But I changed my mind.

I have changed my mind as often as I turn on the lights in the bedroom. DH know what I am thinking about things; but he also knows that it is a joint decision, and although I want another kid, and might try to convince him that another kids was a good idea, if he was completely serious and absolute in saying 'no', then I will go along with that. In our case, if he were firm in his decision to not have anymore, then he would go get the snip (I know, because we have talked about it) and I would support him, even if a little sadly; hell if he were that definite, I might even get my own tubes tied despite wanting another. But he isn't that absolute, because he knows I would like another at some point, and he knows that he may also change his mind (and very possibly I will change mine once again when he does). But it is a joint decision. You don't know how definite a 'no' is until you talk about it, give the person time to think about it, and then talk about it some more. What is marriage, if not compromise.