My LO is nearly five weeks old and BF and my DH mother is already asking him when she can hqve him overnight. I said straight away she wouldn't be having him overnight for ages. Which hubby has now taking as an insult to his mother and family.
That isn't it at all - yes, I do express occasionally but it is tO increase supply not to feed him and he doesn't feed great from a bottle yet and also I have no idea how much he is actually taking in a feed so how would I know how much to give to someone for a whole night. And plus mainly - he is my little boy and I don't want to leave him anywhere now let alone for a whole afternoon and night!
I don't want ppl to think I don't appreciate the offer (I do) but why does my husband not understand that I don't want him to be away from us?
When did any of u girls firs spend a whole night away from your little ones?
I left my DD o/night for the first time at 6 months.
I could have done it earlier, but didn't feel comfortable.
Is it possible for your MIL to watch your son for an hour or 2 at your place, while you sleep, do housework, cook dinner?
So she feels involved?
I have not spent a full night away from my girls yet, even when I had DD2 I was there to put DD1 to bed and did not leave home till 1am. So I am not much help there.
I would be telling your DH and MIL that DS is not a share toy, he is your baby and when you feel ready for him to spend a night away then you will let them know. Until then don't keep asking because your not trying to be insulting, just trying to be a mother.
My DS is 10 months old and I still wouldn't let him spend the night away from me. I don't think my DP would want him to spend the night away either.
We don't have parents near to us so I guess I'd never thought of overnights before but at 5 weeks of age is it a little strange that your IL's would want him overnight anyway? Maybe it's just me but it's still so.....brand new, bubs wouldn't even be used to his own sleeping arrangements yet.
My DD is almost 19 months and i refuse to let anyone have her overnight. I don't care who they are i just don't feel comfy about it.
She will have to be atleast 3 or 4 before ill feel comfortable. Even when we have this next bub my mum will babysit her but they will both be at the hospital so DP can take DD home.
My DS is 2 and I couldn't imagine leaving him overnight. He still needs me in the night. Does your husband understand about the biological bond between a baby and mother. It took my DH a little while to understand it. He used to carry DS in a sling when he was newborn and I used to get all anxious, wanting to hold MY baby! And when he was around his parents and they criticised my 'constant feeding' we would argue because he was even slower to give me the baby back. I look back on it now and I should have just told everyone to go to hell as I am the MUMMY and my instincts were right just like a mummy lion, gorilla, cat etc would rip apart anyone who tried to take away her babies for even a minute!! OUr society is not really good with the mother and baby bond unfortunately.
My DS is almost 3, and he only had his first night away just after Christmas. It was with my parents who live 2 minutes up the road and who he has had heaps of contact with since birth. He is completely comfortable with them, and I trust them with him. At a younger age I wouldn't have been comfortable with it, but he seemed old enough and comfortable enough so we tried it out (with the promise of a phone call to come pick him up if he got upset). He was completely fine - had heaps of fun. I did miss him though.
If she wants to help, the best thing she can do is take care of the household chores for you so you can sit on the couch and be with your baby. I don't understand why people think that taking the baby away from the mother is the only way to help. You can say thank-you for the offer and in the future that may be useful, but right right you need to be with him so you can learn his cues, connect with him and get the feeding just right. As he grows there will be plenty of time for hugs and time with him alone. It is a tricky time for the MIL she is trying to find her new place in the family, which is no longer the mother but now the grandmother, and some women adjusting to this new way of being can cause issues, it's important for you to feel supported by your partner, even if he doesn't always agree with you, at the end of the day you are adjusting to a huge new role of motherhood and it's a journey that changes, but it's important for you to be supported and follow your intuition!
DS is 2 and 7 months and I wouldn't even consider leaving him anywhere over night. A couple of hours is absolute max for me and even then I stress about him the whole time.
My DD1 was about 18 months when she started having sleepovers with my parents but we had lived there so she was very comfortable with them and still is. I'm glad she has a strong bond to other people. She stayed with them while I had DD2 and even though we went home the next day she asked to stay with them another night, I bawled my eyes out but it really is a good thing lol. They are taking her away to the beach for a couple of nights next week actually.
But 5 weeks? No way! You're not being unreasonable or insulting at all.
i can't remember when i first left my DS overnight but i'd say he was between 12-18 months. he'd been waking every 45min-2 hours every night since he was born so one night i slept at my MIL's house while she & DP stayed here with DS. we've left him a few times overnight at her place since but she lives round the corner & he is actually excited to go there to stay (he's 2 & 7 months). i wouldn't have felt comfortable with it until i was absolutely sure that he was happy to be there & that i know DP's mum has very similar ideas around parenting/comforting as we do.
it is lovely that she wants to help, but i agree with ladybirdflies that there are far better ways she could be helping at this stage, especially as you are BFing & essentially wouldn't be getting extra sleep as you'd still be expressing when baby would have been feeding anyways!
there are lots of years to come when she can babysit overnight (if you're comfortable with it)
My first night away from my girls was when i had my gall gladder out last year, DD1 was nearly 5 and DD2 just 2. Only hospital would have made me do it, and even then i postponed it over a year so DD2 was a bit older.
With DS he didn't have a sleep over until 6 months and that was only because we had a wedding. Actually that month we had 2 weddings, so 2 sleep overs in 1 month!
DD I actually don't remember but she would have been over 11 months as I bf until then. The kids will every now and then go for a special sleep over at my Mums just because. That's maybe once every 2-3 months and otherwise they have sleep overs every so often if we have an event or something on. My ILs also asked at around the 6 week mark when they could start having DS at their house. Actually they still do now. I haven't felt nervous leaving the kids with my Mum but with my ILs I do. I just don't feel they are the kind of people that will take care of my kids how I feel they should. So we limit that very much and I just don't see the point in dropping the kids off just because they want them. They are always welcome to call and come and see them if we're home.
It's all personal choice, your situation, the people looking after your child/children and how comfortable you feel. I know for us, a break is good every now and then and the kids love going to their Nanny's house but it's not for everyone and that's more than ok!
We left DD with my ILs while I had DS, although I went into labour at 6am and he was born at 9am so really, we didn't need to, but I wanted to spend a night with just my new bub in hospital. DD was 16 months at that point. She'd spent a lot of time there, they had a proper bed for her, it was comfortable for her, my MIL didn't mind getting up in the middle of the night to her nor did she mind starting the day at 5am when DD decided it was time to get up
It isn't an easy thing, taking a child overnight, before I reckon about 3yo. They often still have needs overnight... it can be hard for anyone who isn't the parent to respond to them.
We haven't left DS anywhere yet - he's 19mths.
I would just say to MIL "Thank you so much for the offer! That is incredibly generous of you! However, I'm not going to be able to leave him anywhere for a while as he needs to feed overnight and won't take a bottle, sorry!"
We left DD overnight at 12 weeks (we'd been home nearly 6 weeks). But, we had concert tickets booked for nearly 12 months and we couldn't miss the concert. It was the opportunity of a lifetime and the band had since gone on a indefinate break.
We've left her a few times. Only ever with my parents, as they know her routine and what she can and can't eat. They were also the only people trusted when DD was on all her medications.
DS is 4 in March and he has never had a sleepover. For me, I get up to DS and comfort him straightaway and, I don't trust other people to do that. I hate the idea that they would let him cry for however long when I wouldn't do that if he woke up through the night (especially in a different environment to what he use to, I believe he would be disorientated and scared if it wasn't handled right)
I have had a few nights away but OH has always looked after DS and OH has been away overnight heaps but I was there.
I don't think it is an insult to his family that you don't want to let your LO stay with your IL's. This is your baby and it is upto you when you are ready to let her sleep anywhere else.
I don't have any advice sorry. My excuse was BF & night waking. My DS was 14mo before I let him stay overnight at my mums. He was fully bottle fed by then. DD is still BF & has never stayed overnight anywhere (she's almost 10mo). DH wants me to wean her so that we can go away for our anniversary but I keep telling him it is up to her. I'm not going to wean her just so he can get some lol!
I have left DD with DH overnight but not with anyone else....and she is now 3 1/2.
To be honest while you are breastfeeding I wouldn't even entertain the idea.... but you need to be comfortable with leaving her and if your not then don't be pressured into it.
I would probally sit down with DH's folks and just say thank you so much for the offer but at the moment Im just working on breastfeeding and settling bubs into a good sleeping routine....
Maybe if you have room you can have them stay over and look after her for the night while you sleep!
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Leaving your little one overnight
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