Would you ask about a gift?

[Kazzo]

If you gave someone a gift (rather expensive gift) a year or two ago and you have noticed that the person (close family member in my case) has not used it yet and there is no sign of it, would you ask them about it?

Sorry about my spelling in the title too, that teaches me to re-read everything

[TeniBear]

Probably not. Imagine how embarrassed you would both be if they'd passed it on or something... Not saying that's the case, but I'd have to own up to doing so if certain people asked after gifts they bought me!

[Miss.September]

Depends what it is. I gave a voucher to a close family member for a garden centre as they had said they wanted to do their garden. Spent $250 on it. I asked them nearly 12 months later how it was going because I knew it had a 12 month expiry.

Otherwise, if it was a non-voucher gift, then I'd probably not say anything.

[Lenny]

I think the right advice is not to ask.

But I would probably ask in a roundabout way. I would find some way to bring it up "I am thinking of buying a new iron, how's that one i got you - was it as good as it was reputed to be, would you recommend i buy that one for myself?".

Perhaps you need to decided what do you want the outcome to be?
Do you want to guilt them into using it? Or giving it back? Or lying about what they did with it? Or do you genuinely want to know how happy it made them at the time you gave it to them?

[Shanti]

It depends what it is?

[Kazzo]

It is a cutlery set that we gave to MIL. It was something she had mentioned she wanted and the one we got her was expensive. She was so happy when we gave it to her. It just dawned on me that they are still using their old mix and match cutlery.
MIL has no trouble saying if she does not like something and swapping things so if she did not like it then she would have said so. If she has re gifted it I will be very peeved.

[OceanPrincess]

Mmm tough one.

I like Pac's thing about vouchers - I spent $100 on my sis last year for birthday for gold class vouchers for her and BIL, which have a 12 mth expiry, and I know she hasn't used them. I will be asking her soon cuz if she doesn't want to go, give them to someone who does!!!!

But, flip side, a friend of mine, for my 30th, said she'd gotten me a voucher for a "pamper day" at a fancy spa, but it hadn't arrived in the mail so she just gave me the brochure and said she'd pass on the voucher when it arrived. Never got it off her. Assumed she had forgotten to actually buy it or something, never said anything.

I'm now 32, said to friend randomly just a week or so ago something about it and she got really upset - they charged her for it but she never received it. Said she was going to follow it up. So I wish I'd said something sooner!

But actual gifts, no. Some of the things we got for our engagement I have regifted or donated to charity auctions as they are just not our taste. Sad but true, sorry.

[OceanPrincess]

It is a cutlery set that we gave to MIL. It was something she had mentioned she wanted and the one we got her was expensive. She was so happy when we gave it to her. It just dawned on me that they are still using their old mix and match cutlery.
MIL has no trouble saying if she does not like something and swapping things so if she did not like it then she would have said so. If she has re gifted it I will be very peeved.

Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.

[Sopdet]

Maybe she uses the cutlery for good? I know I have an expensive set that gets pulled out when I have more than 3 people for dinner (or if I'm doing more than 2 courses) as it is a setting for 6.

[Rowellen]

Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.

That was my thought too. My MIL has a special set that she only brings out at christmas.

[Kazzo]

Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.

I don't think so, they have alot of occasions at their house, MIL 60th, FIL 60th, Christmas, Easter ect and they have not been bought out. It was a $300 set but nothing to fancy, just a really good brand.

[sepata]

The right thing to do is probably not to mention it.

But I probably would say something like "let's get out the good cutlery for dinner tonight!" and see what happens...

[Miss.September]

Aha well this changes things - are you sure she hasn't got it somewhere for "special occasions"?? That's where our good full cutlery set is. We don't use it often.

Yeah, I was thinking this too. I don't use our expensive cutlery set often, but it comes out for things like Christmas or special birthdays. I wouldn't naturally go and use it for a family catch-up dinner (wow, that sounds REALLY bad!)

ETA - Sorry, just saw your reply.

[Maruschke]

The right thing to do is probably not to mention it.

But I probably would say something like "let's get out the good cutlery for dinner tonight!" and see what happens...

Well, that's the same thing really. Both are ways of asking - "oi! What did you do with the cutlery?" I would leave it, totally leave it. It is their choice what they did with the cutlery and how they use it, and I don't believe you need to justify or explain what happens to gifts once they are given to you. That's what a gift is... something totally given to you with no strings or expectations attached .

[peanutter]

with cutlery, no, not if I knew they wanted a nice set and I'd given one ...

it might lead into an awkward discussion about whether your visits are important enough to warrant use of the good set

but it would be nice to know that it was getting used!

[foreva*your*mummy]

I wouldnt ask either, but it would bug me wondering to haha.
If she said to you " we gave it away" what would you say to her? would it make you angry? Im not sure if its worth knowing

[Kazzo]

I wouldnt ask either, but it would bug me wondering to haha.
If she said to you " we gave it away" what would you say to her? would it make you angry? Im not sure if its worth knowing

I will be peeved but more because I know how MIL is with returning presents and how she knows she could have told me she did not want them or wanted a different type, she has done it before with no dramas. In fact I am fully expecting her to want to change the top I picked as her mothers day present and I am fine with that because I would rather her be happy then have something she does not want.

I am probably going to go against the grain and I will say something. MIL and I have a great relationship and I know this will be something (I know, very minor) that will continue to play on my mind.

Thanks everyone for your opinions though.

[Kazzo]

Well, that's the same thing really. Both are ways of asking - "oi! What did you do with the cutlery?" I would leave it, totally leave it. It is their choice what they did with the cutlery and how they use it, and I don't believe you need to justify or explain what happens to gifts once they are given to you. That's what a gift is... something totally given to you with no strings or expectations attached .

I completely understand this and but for me there are certian people, all close family that I guess I put expectations on, just like they do me. I also know that it is not the value of the gift either that matters but for me this time it does. I would have much rather MIL say to me that she would like to change the present or return it and get something that she would have liked and wanted.