What would you do?

[Blondie]

Hi everyone,

Would you sacrifice your home i.e sell it, to ease financial stress?

DH is at Uni and working casual. I work 3 days a week. Short of me going back to work full time and then putting DS in Childcare full time I am not sure what else to do to try and make ends meet? We are paying off our house and it's costing us between $600 and $700 per week and I think this is killing us. Is it worth the sacrifice of giving up our home for financial freedom whist Hubby is studying? This year was tough, there will be another 3 of the same thing I am worried we will end up going backwards and all will turn to crap if we continue down this path

[LuluHB]

I would do everything I possibly could, including working two jobs, before I would sell my home but that's me. One of the biggest things I crave is the stability of MY home. I've had financial stress previously when I was on my own paying a mortgage but not for a second did I consider selling it. If you sell you'll lose so much money because despite the best intentions, you will no doubt eat away at any capital you have and then you're way behind when you have to start over again in a few years. Its hard though - money only goes so far and your own home is less important than feeding everyone. Have you looked into what sort of money you would be paying out in rent, location and condition of rentals etc? I would need to be making significant savings to consider it.

Are there other things in your regular spending you can look at cutting back on? Even a coffee bought out every day really adds up

[Blondie]

I have done a bit of research and it seems as though we would be paying $400 a week for a suitable home. I agree the thought of loosing this place is devastating as we worked very hard for it, but if DH doesn't pass UNI or gives up on it, all this sacrifice will be worth nothing. I was considering going back full time after an appropriate amount of time once second bub is born but with the cost of childcare for 2 kids, I wouldn't be making that much extra. I would also have to find another job because the option for full time work just isn't there in my current place of employment. Another thing, I don't think DH would want me to work full time, he knows how much I do around here and if he had to take any extra work on, well let's just say he couldn't this decision is absolutly tearing me up

[Astrid]

What can you rent your home out for? Enough to cover the mortgage? Then you could rent somewhere cheaper.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I would second renting out your home then renting a small, cheap flat. Or considering working full-time. Or trying to do a work-from-home job on your days off, or having your DH do something in the evening - evening jobs are very doable with studying, many students do them.

Is it "tough but we can do it without luxuries" or "so tough we can't actually cover the mortgage, taxes and baseline bills, let alone affording to eat"? If it were the former, I'd suck it up.

ATM I'm looking for work. DH and I are considering me working abroad, leaving DH and Liebling at home while I work for 6 weeks in another country, then fly home for a week or two, then fly back. Just for a year, but enough to get some funds behind us so we don't lose the house. DH doesn't WANT me to work abroad, nor does Liebling, but we also don't want to lose a home we've worked damn hard for and won't be able to get back if we do lose it. Lesser of two evils.

[chody47]

I agree that if you can afford not to sell then keep your home. You'll not only lose money through selling in real estate fees, but setting up a new loan in a few years time will also cost you many thousands of dollars in fees and stamp duty etc. if you average all these costs out per week over the next few years you might find you're actually 'saving' money by keeping your house. As others have said though, if its a case of having food on the table or not, I'd sell in a heartbeat. I do understand your feelings though. We've tossed up the idea of buying a cheaper house but quickly decided against it.

[Doing my best]

We contemplated it.. But I have never felt that attached to this house.. Yes, it is our own home, but not my ideal home. It was our step into the market in Australia.

There were weeks where we paid our mortgage and childcare (i only worked part time as well), and had nothing left over.. On a good week, if DH had overtime, we would stock the freezer or cupboards of the basics, so we were only buying fresh fruit/veges on the really really lean weeks on the credit card..

For us, it was only going to be 6-12 months due to a career change for DH and paycut while training.. Any longer and it would have been our most sensible option to sell up.

[Blondie]

We probably wouldn't be able to rent this house out for what it owes us, there would be some extra needed.

We don't spend a lot of money on luxuries. We eat basically, don't buy anything we don't absolutely need, there are a few things that have come up randomly that possibly we could have said no too, bucks party, birthday party etc...but we would have hurt those we are close to us by not attending.

DH had a brief chat about it, he is dead against selling this house, he says that we wouldn't be happy elsewhere - which is probably true plus, we would have to spend quite a few thousand getting it up to scratch before selling it plus loosing money by moving etc...what he says he thinks he should do is work full time and do uni part time, doing extra subjects over summer school, instead of finishing by 4 years it would be likely 5 or 6. It looks like this would be the best solution.

I guess we underestimated what it would take to do Uni, whist having a family. I told him I would go back full time, again dead against it. He reckons child care would kill us $160 per day for 2 kids, not to mention I would feel like I had done wrong by my kids I get so stressed about this kind of stuff...being pregnant doesn't help the emotions ;(

P.S I want to avoid money stress if possible, it's what broke up his parents i'm sure of it.

[chody47]

Sounds like a sensible solution. Working full time and studying is hard work but definitely doable. I've done it many times, and I'm currently studying whilst working 4 days....

[Astrid]

Study part-time whilst working full-time is doable. DH is currently doing it at the moment and I did it pre children. It can be tough, but honestly I would rather have the study on top of work stress than the money stress and we have been there with the money stress (we are better now, but are still working our way to getting comfortable).

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

I guess we underestimated what it would take to do Uni, whist having a family. I told him I would go back full time, again dead against it. He reckons child care would kill us $160 per day for 2 kids, not to mention I would feel like I had done wrong by my kids I get so stressed about this kind of stuff...being pregnant doesn't help the emotions ;(

So, he's telling you how you will feel? Not letting you have a say. He's just saying no, I am doing this, working full time and studying part time, you are not allowed to go full time as you will regret it.

Woo. No option to do full-time/two jobs until the baby is here then drop down again?

I worked full-time. Do I regret this? Hell no. I fed my son. He was loved and cared for by other people, but it's great that other people love him and care for him. I kept a roof over his head and food on the table. That is far more important than staying in a cold house because we can't afford to run the heating, not eating lunch in the week and worrying that we can't even afford clothes for when he grows.

Yes, you can regret things. But doing your best by your children, even if it isn't what you initially wanted to be for the best? No. And don't let anyone else ever tell you what you will feel. Not even me. I just wanted to offer another perspective.

[Blondie]

I appreciate that. And I can understand your view on things. I think my husband is a bit old school with the way he views things...I love him to death but he doesn't lift a finger around the house I do all the housework, cooking and looking after our Son. He brings in the money. I work 3 days for a bit of extra money, to give DS some socialisation at Kindy and because I love my job. I think I would be really devastated if I had to give it up. I honestly think that he sees it like if I work full time, stuff will get left and I'll be depressed having to leave DS. I admit it would be hard to leave my Son but if it came down to putting food on the table I would do anything. I would never judge other people's choices in how they do things....honestly, people like a good friend of mine are better parents because they work full time. She loves her children but she is devoted to her job in medicine and it's her life, and just because we have children, doesn't mean we should give up on our own lives.

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

So, if you work full-time he still won't lift a finger around the house? Yeah, I can see how it may end up too much for you. My DH grew up with a dad like that and it has been tough sometimes getting him to pull his weight sometimes; me working a 60-hour week, including some 14-hour days (two jobs), soon made things change. He even does stuff now I'm unemployed, which is good for DS to see, although I do feel a bit guilty that I'm not always the perfect housewife.

Do you want to work a bit more for a short time? Could you find an evening job/work from home job? What do you want, not what does your DH want?

[chody47]

Haha Blondie - you need to train your DH lol!

[Blondie]

Yeah he pretty much does nothing inside the house, he just doesn't notice things. Like I could leave the bin in plain sight and he would walk past it, laziness who knows but god it can be irritating. He'll mow and wash the car but if he drags dirt through the house, that's my problem I also remember being heavily pregnant with DS and having to do grocery shopping on my own because he was "tired"

I might still ask work if they can find something for me for Monday and Tuesday - just for a bit of extra cash but I guess it would depend on how often they needed it, ie. maybe an extra 2 days a fortnight might work the trick. Working or a project means you bill the customer and they can be strict at times on what is/isn't allowed.

Haha! Tell me about it Chody! I tried denying things eherm but that didn't seem to work and then I tried the opposite, and that didn't seem to work either, he got suspicious!

[YoYo]

I would do whatever you can to help ease the stress of covering the mortgage, but I wouldn't sell.

Sounds to me like you've come up with a fair solution, but if you want to work a little extra, then every little bit helps.

Good luck. Hope things get better for you soon

[Lenny]

Can you work weekends - As a swim teacher? Can you work late evenings - night fill? Can DH do these things?

It might sounds really rubbish, but if you are resolute about not selling your home, then you have to increase your income. Especially with a baby on the way.

[AnyDream]

Speak to your bank, there may be a way to restructure your loan, eg longer repayment period, to take the pressure off.