Is it too late to defer?

[Willow]

Well my first semester at uni has started and I'm seriously struggling

I am just not finding the time or energy I need to throw at this. I'm studying by DE which takes quite a bit of time management and balancing but being prg again has kinda thrown the balance out

I applied before I found out i was prg. I thought my baby days were behind me and it was time to move on to the next phase, time to do something for me. But that has all completely changed now and I'm just not in that head space anymore. I don't know if I'm scared and talking myself out of it or if I'm just being realistic in thinking this is not the right time for me to start studying.

I'm sooooo tired because all my spare time (ie when the kids are sleeping or with DH!) is spent studying. I'm not getting any rest and am really starting to feel it and resent it.

This will be my last prg and I keep thinking I should just be enjoying the next few months I have with DS and DD and taking it easy before the new baby arrives and we're all thrown back into chaos.

I'm assuming it's too late to defer for 12 months because I've enrolled and the semester has already started??

What about dropping a subject to ease the workload - is that possible?

I'm going to email my student liaison tomorrow about all this but figured someone might know.

Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated!

[HotI]

You still may be able to defer! It depends what your uni census date is. It is usually a few weeks or a month into semester because students change subjects around.

definately contact the uni as soon as you can to find out your options. the uni website might have some info up too.

if you find you have a bit of time until you have to decide, think about which subject/s you think you can cope with and maybe just go for a reduced load, then you can do the same next year. The following year you might be ready for more subjects (not sure how long your course is).

[Willow]

Thanks Kate, I actually found some info on the uni website last night and it looks like I still have time to defer or drop a subject if that's what I want to do.

I was thinking that studying a single subject might be the way to go - that way I won't feel like such a failure and my workload will decrease and ease the stress a bit.

BUT I was looking at my exam timetable last night and I'll be sitting exams when I'm 37+ weeks prg Not sure how'd I cope with that!

Has anyone sat uni exams heavily prg and still managed decent marks? I couldn't even sit comfortably for 5 mins when I was 37 weeks prg with DS, let alone 3 hours!

[Michelle71]

TBH I would defer completely and enjoy the pregnancy. I was studying law when I lost Caitlyn and just didn't have the focus to study when pregnant with DS. If this is to be your last pregnancy then take the time to enjoy it and to keep yourself as well rested as possible to enjoy the time you spend with DD and DS.

Deferral is not failing - it is recognising there are limitations to how much you can realistically do and do well. Failing the subject due to fatigue or the amount of time you can dedicate to it would make you feel so much worse and taint a very special time

[~Trish~]

Sounds like you might be best to defer? You sound like your not enjoying it at all, maybe it's worth waiting until you're up to it so you can really sink your teeth into it and give it your absolute best shot? And sitting exams at 37 weeks? Hmmmm....LOL!

How would you wake up feeling tomorrow morning if you were to defer today? Would you feel disappointed, upset or relieved? That might give you your answer as to what the right thing to do is.

You do what you feel is best for your, your kids and your baking bub .

[Willow]

Trish - I'd feel immensely relieved but also a little disappointed.

That's kinda my answer isn't it??

I was just so excited and proud (LOL!) when I was accepted, it's just disappointing that it hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to.

[~Trish~]

It's just disappointing that it hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to.

I completely understand the disappointment, but remember that it's not forever. If you defer at least you still have a place for when you get back to it. No it didn't work out the way you originally intended, but hey, what you have now is so much better than what you thought you would have 12 months ago .

Go and enjoy growing your bub, relax and have guilt-free fun spending time with your two gorgeous kids

[Willow]

what you have now is so much better than what you thought you would have 12 months ago

Absolutely

I just need to change the way i'm thinking about it - Michelle's right, it's not quitting, it's taking time off until circumstances are better for me to really throw myself into it.

[HotI]

Deferring can be a more mature way of dealing with it, recognising that you need time this year and give yourself a year to prepare so you will be ready to study next year.

However, if you do still want to do a subject this year, uni can accomodate 'special needs' at exam time. Students can be given extra time to write or extra breaks during the exam that won't come out of your writing time. You can also negotiate to sit the exam in an alternative room if you need a more comfy chair or need to be able to walk around.

Distance Education can be pretty isolating, so whether you study this year or next try to link up with other students so you can help each other out with motivation when it gets a bit tough.

Whatever you decide, good luck

Kate

[bon]

If you ring the uni and explain your new circumstances, they will probably be really understanding. I am thinking about what to do in 2nd semester re my uni course. I am enrolled in 2 subjects in 1st semester which should be fine, but I am due in 2nd semester right around exam time. So I am debating whether to enrol in subjects anyway, or see if I can take a semester off. I am thinking a semester off might be the best way to go...I don't know if I will have the focus to really get into my study when I am in third trimester.

[Junglemum]

Love! deffering isn't giving up or failing. I deferred my degree for almost 4 years, but i went back and completed it. There is no time limit. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Keep up a subject if you want, but i wouldn't be putting any pressure on yourself to do so. The subjects will always be there. No big deal when you complete them.

I deffered about 3 weeks before exams. I had to repeat the subjects i was half way through, but that was no big deal. You can defer anytime, you may just have to start a subject over.......

Pregnancy is exhausting, especially with a toddler. You should still be proud and excited you got in. Your place will be waiting for you until you are ready, so i say take those undies from the outside of your pants and give yourself a break!

[tk1999]

I am in the first trimester and am studying one subject this semester and then will take a leave of absence for next semester as I am due mid-semester and don't think I will have the get up and go with newborn tiredness to finish the semester and then deal with exams in November

As the others have said deferring is not failing - it is actually the higher road as you are not jepordising a fail etc but taking the time to focus on another aspect of your life and will return to studies when the time is right.

I am currently weighing up whether to have first semester next year off as well... we can take 12 months leave of absence during the course but I think I will wait and see how I go with the first 3 months after bub's gets here.

[Willow]

tk - we can do the same, but I think with a 6 year degree I'd like to save that 12 months of leave in case I need it in the future.

Thanks for all your posts. After speaking to DH and the uni today I've decided to defer. Must say I'm looking forward to being able to relax and not stress about having to study all the time. Gotta get the paper work in the mail today.

Still feel like a bit of a loser, I've been at this all of oh....4 weeks!! LOL. Ah well, things are not as I expected them to be so I"m off to follow Ange's advice and take those undies off

[tk1999]

Congratulations on reaching a decision Willow! I only wish I could still defer... I am too far into the degree (this is my 4th semester) to defer - darn - lol

[Michelle71]

take those undies from the outside of your pants and give yourself a break!

PMSL - that is classic and one I can imagine having met Miss Willow