Do babies sleep through without a nudge?

[BabyMama]

I stopped going to Mothers' Group a few months ago - I found it just made me depressed hearing about the other babies sleeping so well when DS never did.

Today I decided to visit Mothers' Group to catch up. What a mistake! I feel so down now - all the babies are sleeping through (except 1) and most of them ended up just letting bub CIO - "it only took a few days" they all said. I just can't let DS cry like that so I guess my only choice is to wait until he's ready to sleep all night by himself.

ATM DS wakes at about 11pm and 4am and usually goes back to sleep after a feed - this is his best night. On bad nights he can wake for hours at a time but thankfully these nights aren't too often. It does seem like a bit of a habit that he wakes at these two times.

Just wondering what everyone's thoughts are about him eventually skipping these feeds and sleeping all night....will he do it on his own? I'd like to believe he will but being that he's almost 1, I wonder if things will change on their own.

[Visitor7]

Will he eventually sleep through all night? YES, he will. Give him time. I have never used CC, it wasn't my thing. Nina was a shocker as a baby, always really restless at night. Emily is completely different and you forget she's even in the house.
The older Nina gets, the better she gets with her sleep. But I'd say 4 out of 7 nights each week she'll wake for a drink of water or to go to the toilet.
Hang in there hun, it will get easier in time.

[Liz]

Yes, they do sleep through on their own eventually.

There are gentle nudges you can try, I never had success tho, I just have to wait it out. But I have to say my 3yo is such a good sleeper with regards to actually going to bed and going to sleep. He does ocassionally wake up and come in, but on the whole, he sleeps right through in his bed from about 7.30 every night without a fight.

I wouldn't call CIO a nudge tho, that's a rather hard shove in my opinion. Elizabeth Pantley and Pinky McKay have books with more gentle suggestions to encourage more sleep which might be worth a try. But really, if the waking only bothers you upon comparing to other babies, and normally doesn't worry you, then just keep doing what your doing.

I often wonder how the CIO people deal with their babies when they wake with teething, or when they wake up cold (often the reason mine wake up .. woops.. should dress them better huh LOL) Do they get frustrated that they are no longer sleeping through? Do they re-train them to stop crying or do they actually comfort their baby and help with whatever is wrong?

I'm all for going along with whatever bub needs at the time.

[~Serenity~]

mine always tended to sleep through at a couple months old,i never fed them to sleep i always put them to bed awake and they learnt to settle themselves. i had no problem getting up if they are teething or in pain and if they stopped crying i would put them back down

in the end if your happy to get up then dont let ppl make you feel bad..you do whats right for you!!!!!

[*EJ*]

Heavenly i tend to have had a similar situation like you. After a couple of months DS1 was sleeping through. Not to say that we didn't have our off nights of course. But after a while when he did wake but shouldn't really want to be fed and nothing else was wrong the health nurse said to offer some water, a hug but let them know that it really is sleep time. Not sure if you'd say that staying with them and patting (i mostly did it without him seeing me) until he drifted off to sleep a form of cc but it worked really well for us. I never let him really cry without knowing that i was there by my touch. You can encourage them to sleep without cc but it still could be just as difficult, it probably depends on the child.

I also would say if you are happy with the way your little man is going just stick with it. What works for you guys is most important.

[Liz]

aah.. see there's that word "shouldn't" a word that ought to be banned from any conversation regarding babies. Who determines when a baby "should" & "shouldn't" need a feed through the night? Each mother & baby team works differently. I know that my babies needed to feed through the night for a long long time. They were full on feeds, never just comfort sucks. Why deny it?? Bit mean really.

And can I just mention that this is thread is in the Gentle Parenting section so posters are looking for gentle solutions that don't involve any type of cc.

[amberj]

I've been wondering this very same thing. BabyMama, my LO generally sleeps quite a bit better than yours, but he is still up once a night for a feed and I get the very same reactions/ feelings from mothers group. The other mothers always look taken aback and kind of go "oh..." like they don't know what to say! Grrr....

Can anyone tell me, at 11 months, is he quite (developmentally) capable of sleeping 12 hours without a feed? He seems SO hungry when he wakes during the night. Its very confusing!!

[Visitor7]

amber - That's a really hard question to answer. In a way, yes, he is capable of sleeping through 12 hours a night. But there are soooo many reasons why he may be waking.
With Emily, we have to continously feed her between 4 and 6pm, then she'll sleep all night. I mean, she's a complete guts at dinner! If we don't feed her enough, she wakes up.
But sometimes it's not that simple. Nina was never that simple unfortunately

[Junglemum]

Firstly..............If night waking for a feed doesn't bother you, then it is fine!

This is our story.....
When DD1 was 9 months i decided i was exhausted and didn't want to get up to feed in the night anymore. So when she woke, i got up to her, picked her up, cuddled her, rocked her, walked with her until she settled. When she was asleep i put her back down. Yes it took an hour or so the first night. But the next night she settled again much quicker. And it improved from there. I think by about the 5th night she wasn't waking for a feed anymore. So i guess in our case she did need a little help. But i am not sure of a definate answer to your qn..... maybe she would have got there on her own, maybe not.

[Liz]

I dunno about the reward thing. I mean.. we're not training dogs here LOL. I night weaned DS at 15 months and he still didn't sleep through until 2 1/2. He would just bring himself into our bed though and go back to sleep.. sometimes I woke up and couldn't remember when he'd come in!

I think the best thing to do, in all honesty, is to stop worrying about the whole sleep thing. Don't compare, and don't talk to MCHN's about it! LOL. I think it's terrible that sleep seems to be THE thing that determines whether you're doing a good job, or whether you have a 'good' baby. It places pressure on mums, which then leads to forcing bubs to conform before they're ready. Truly, there are worse things that a baby could be doing. I personally prefer having happy contented toddlers that don't tantrum. Yet that's never commented on... people just look aghast that they wake up at night LOL. pfft.

Keep it in perspective. If it bothers you and you are suffering from lack of sleep, then of course, seek out ways to give that gentle nudge. If it doesn't bother you (majority of the time ) then just keep going, and they will 'get it' in their own time. There are bigger things to worry about IMO.

[Campari]

I always considered my DD to be a terrible sleeper - she was feeding 4 -5 times a night (BF) for a while there. We never ever did CC, and I continued to feed her/rock her / co-sleep until one day, miraculously, she started sleeping through. She was 17 months old....

Yep, we were the last in Mothers Group to "sleep through", but I wouldn't have done it any other way, and while I was a walking zombie a lot of the time, I am now very happy that we did it so gently and with no nudging (except for DH going in to her more often than me sometimes).

Be proud of yourself!

[amberj]

True, Liz, I guess when I really think about it the reason DS's night feed bothers me is mainly comparison (and therefore feeling like a "failure"). While I don't love getting up in the middle of the night, it certainly is a special bonding time too, and it doesn't really cause any significant sleep deprivation.

I think the other reason it bothers me is that I worry that if I don't do something, he will never outgrow it himself and I will be doing this for several more years- which does bother me.

[*EJ*]

I apologise for using the word 'shouldn't' but being the mother of my child i was aware when he did and didn't need a feed.

How i encouraged my baby to sleep apparently can be seen as a form of cc, so i'm sorry but i never saw it that way.

I always got up to his cries and i always showed/show him as much love and effection as possible. When he did wake i saw it was extra minutes in the day that i wouldn't usually get to spend with him. Sleep time for my son has been a very happy time for as long as i can remember and sleeping through the night happened quite early. To this day when it's time for a day sleep or night sleep he grabs his teddy and walks to his bed himself.

I apologise again because this has nothing to do with the question now but just like you have described with mothers group i feel i am being judged for giving my child some guidance.

BabyMama i'm sorry if i didn't give you advice you were looking for but i'm sure you'll find what works for you and your son We're all different and different things work for different mums and bubs.

[Jennifer13]

Please be aware that you are posting in a 'No Cry Sleep Solutions' thread.

Please do not post any advice that supports or encourages any method of settling that involves controlled comforting/crying/CIO.

If any further mentions are made of cc/CIO the poster will be infracted and the post removed.

If you have any queries about this, feel free to PM myself or another mod.

[BabyMama]

Thanks for your stories everyone. It really highlights that all of our babies (and us as parents) are so different. When I really think about it I'm mostly upset when I compare DS to other babies rather than being upset about the actual waking.

DS self-settles so I know the issue is not that - he's just not ready to go all night yet. DH and I are both happy to go with it (for now anyway) so we'll just go with the flow.

[Jakabella]

Babymumma - Please dont let ppl make you feel bad!! I get up as soon as Bella is awake or if I her her wake up then I am strauight up to her - I dont let her cry. She is now 5 months and she has been sleeping trough since 3 months - BUT that is her and evey baby is different. You bub will sleep through and will do it when ready.

Please dont feel bad and do what ever it is that you feel is right for you and your bub - you are doing an awesome job!!

Kate xox

[onthefly]

I'm sure they all sleep when they're ready to - some just get there a lot quicker than others.
I think I'm the last one in my mother's group too...
It's never actually been said explicitly, but sometimes I detect in comments an implication that if your baby is not sleeping through by some pre-prescribed age that you must be doing something wrong as a parent. This irks me. Are we to be judged as mothers by how our babies sleep?
I think also that sometimes as parents we take credit for things that are really just a function of our baby's personality or developmental stage.
On a more practical note, we had some success with Pantley's no-cry book early on and I've been thinking about giving it another go.

[Liz]

DS self-settles so I know the issue is not that - he's just not ready to go all night yet. DH and I are both happy to go with it (for now anyway) so we'll just go with the flow.

Yeah... DD self settled for her first 8 months.. she just didn't STAY asleep! Of course after the 8 months she decided she needed help getting to sleep... so we're still working through that at the moment. We all get there in the end

I think also that sometimes as parents we take credit for things that are really just a function of our baby's personality or developmental stage.

I totally agree with that. I don't take credit for my children walking at 11 months, and I also don't harrass other mothers by saying their children should be walking by now! Could you imagine if we went around saying "what? your baby is still crawling at 11 months?? OMG you must be doing something wrong!" HAHAHA. I just don't get why sleep is such a point of comparison. Aah well... all dates back to the Truby King days I guess..