Coping with the funeral

[New Dawn]

I have no answers no one does, you will be how ever you will be on Saturday, and there is no wrong way to be... You do what ever you feel you have too, I wish there was some easy answer....

Sorry I am not good with words... Unlike so many other who can write excally what I want to say...

I am like so many of us here for you if you need us too be... just ask k...

[Miss.B]

Oh sweetie, no adivce just huge enormous massive hugs darling
When we lost Josh at only 21 weeks, I was so in shock that I couldn't cope with a funeral for him. Instead, all I could manage was a very intimate service (more like a blessing) with just DF and a priest. In a way, I now wish I had a proper send off for him with just our families and a handful of friends. I admire your strength. I wish I had it back then. God bless darling and you will be in my thoughts and prayers on Saturday. I love Hayley's photo, she is so beautiful and precious.

Big hugs
B xoxo

[ladybird11]

Just as everyone else has said 'let your emotions go' hun.

Not the same deal, but I cried like a baby at my mothers funeral, and I didn't give a stuff either.

Sending you strength through this terrible time hun.

xoxox

[~Lashes~]

cant give you any advice or anything that will help, just wanted to let you know ill be thinking of you and wanting to send you hugs.

[mummydreamer]

Ahurani, i don't know even know what words i can say to help you feel better, there probably are none at all.....i just remember being exactly where you were only a few weeks ago, and far out.....it's friggin hard!! i would like to think though that you will find strength you didn't even know you had. i know i did. i couldn't even make a speech at our wedding cause i was so shy, but somehow i wrote a speech for Josiah and found the courage to get up at his funeral and manage to get through it.....one of the things i said was if someone had told me 6 months ago that this was going to happen to me, i said there would have been no way i could have survived.....but somehow i have. i don't know how, but i have....and i just really feel for you honey, i wish i could say something meaningful other than im thinking of you, i really am, and my heart is breaking for you, cause i know a lot of the pain you are feeling......massive massive

[Lily Dust]

Oh A, I have no answers like many others but you dont need to hold it together, no one expects that of you I cant take any of the pain away but know that we are all here to listen Thinking of you and your precious girl on Saturday xx

[blessedatlast]

Oh Babe, my heart is breaking for you.. The funeral is a really hard day (every day is a hard day), and as everyone else has said there is no right or wrong way to cope.. I made it a rule NO KIDS.. I knew I couldn't cope with that.. Just do your best babe. I'm so so sorry you have to go through this

[~breeze~]

I totally agree with everyone else. Don't "try" to hold yourself together... you just be you, a parent who is saying goodbye to her much loved daughter.... if you want to cry then cry, if you want to scream then scream, whatever you feel like doing in the moment, do it! You have the right to grieve your little girl however you feel.

I'll be thinking of you, your DH & Hayley on Saturday xxx

[Anila]

I know i cant be there on saturday, but just know that i will still be holding your hand.

You dont have to be strong all the time hunni, Hayley knows you love her more than anything, if you break down, then you do, theres no right or wrong here.

[Beautiful Disaster]

I know i cant be there on saturday, but just know that i will still be holding your hand.

You dont have to be strong all the time hunni, Hayley knows you love her more than anything, if you break down, then you do, theres no right or wrong here.

What she said xxx

[skybie]

oh sweets, i know its hard.
my advice would be to go and see her coffin in a sort of viewing situation before the funeral, it honestly does make it less confrontingi on the day. i still lost it compltely, but not as bad as i think i would if i hadnt of seen his little coffin the day before. i just sat with him for a while, talked to him, sung to him and kissed his name plaque.
On the day, u will get through, just like u've gotten through the past 2ish weeks, u will because u have to, u dont have a choice.

After Jack's funeral all ym family and friends went out and had a nice lunch then a few drinks at mums house to celebrate Jacks life in my belly.
we also requested no children
HTH in some way, but again everyones journey is different. much love xxx

[Just Me]

Huge

As everyone else said, do whatever you have to to get through. Don't have any expectations of yourself, just go with it.

The only thing I would add to that - when my best friend lost her twins, she kept the service very small so she could grieve how she needed to without any people who just turned out to spectate. She also didn't have the coffin at the funeral service ... she couldn't bear sitting there staring at the coffin. She had a private farewell with her and her DH beforehand and just had two teddy bears at the front of the church for the service. It was beautiful. It was so very very sad, but it was beautiful and she was able to react how she needed to and everyone there was able to support her through it as best we could.

Everyone is completly different in what they want and need from their farewell service and nothing is going to make it better but I guess my point is that there is no right or wrong way to have the service either. If you need or don't need certain people there - this is about you, your DP and Hayley - do what you need to do to get through.

Sending you much love. I am thinking of you and praying for so much strength for you at the moment

[Nai]

Huge hugs

As the others have said - you don't need to be anything except for yourself. If you need to break down or be strong or grieve openly or privately then do what you need to do. Everybody is there (and here) to support you and your DP. They will all be grieving in their own way and supporting you in yours.

Everyone is different and you just do what feels right for you.

[sconeonamission]

My stepbrother and his gf had a small funeral for their son born 30-something weeks. It was just family. It was heartbreaking for me to see the coffin, I cannot imagine what it was like for them (or anyone else for that matter). I had only met the gf a few times, and I cried. The gf had written a poem to read, read a few lines and just broke down, said "I can't" and apologized. Stepbrother took over... But there was no need to apologize. No one judged her coz inwardly or outwardly they felt similarly for their loss.

They had a balloon release after the service to celebrate his life.

Saturday is for the life you and your partner created, and no one else. Go with how your feeling and forget how you may think other people will react to your grief.

All the best, I'll be thinking of you all. xx

[~StarBright~]

HUn, i spent Zahra's entire service curled up on DH's lap sobbing. We had the person from the funeral home read a few things and we played some music and i just cried. DH made Zahra's coffin, so it wasnt a shock for us to see it, we laid some gifts in there for her, photos, toys, teddy's. DH just held me till it was over, and i didnt wantto leave the room coz i knew once i did that it was over

We then went to pub and i got quite drunk.. not saying thats the best thing to do by any means, but it sure helped me that day. Jack Daniels was my friend.

Saturday will be hard no matter what you do or how you do it... just remember there are no rules, you can cry as much or as little as you need to, and anyone who is there, is there for you , your DP and your beautiful Hayley.. And no one will judge how you react. xxoo

[Tinks]

Koby.

Do what you want, if you want to cry, scream or punch everyone in the face, do it.

[Madham]

There are no rules, you can do whatever you wish.
My sister at her son Benjamins funeral was a mess and no one expected her to be anything else.
Dont put any pressure on yourself Koby as no ones expects you to hold it together.
Remember we are all there with you in spirit

[Sunny Love]

I can't imagine what to say to you right now, because if this were me i'd probably throw myself onto the little coffin and sob loudly the whole way through her service. My only words of advice would be to just do whatever feels 'right' for you and DP. Clutch his hand tight. Perhaps taking a photo of Hayley to hold and then when it gets too much look at her. I'll be thinking of you on Saturday, as I do everyday.
xx