It's OK to break down. You will be breaking down every day for a while now. It's so so hard planning your baby's funeral - it feels unreal that you have to do this thing. At the same time, you want it to be perfect. Go slow, make lists, delegate to family where you feel you can (I put mum in charge of flowers and catering). Take time out when you need to.

Neither Dh nor I spoke at our son's funeral. Our lovely celebrant did a wonderful job with our help. We included poems and notes from mummy and daddy. There were notes from grandparents read out. Dad read his own. We had soft baby music. DH carried our baby's little blue coffin out at the end to the hearse. I was crying but OK up til then. That's when I lost it -saying goodbye at the end.

I don't know if you have a chance to see Hayley in her coffin before the funeral. We saw Leo the night before, just the 2 of us. It was important for me to say goodbye and see he looked so beautiful and peaceful. We even took pictures, which we weren't sure we'd do. We put things in his coffin to take with him. We set up the room with pictures of our son and toys and a quilt mum made for him.

For me, it was important that everyone saw he was real and he was perfect, so we had a photo album and other pictures in frames.

Just hang on to your husband. We only wanted each other - I didnt want anyone else touching me. There will be others there to support you and grieve with you, but this is all about you as a family of 3. For you and your DH to honour your baby girl.

I will be thinking of you Saturday.