Ahurani, i don't know even know what words i can say to help you feel better, there probably are none at all.....i just remember being exactly where you were only a few weeks ago, and far out.....it's friggin hard!! i would like to think though that you will find strength you didn't even know you had. i know i did. i couldn't even make a speech at our wedding cause i was so shy, but somehow i wrote a speech for Josiah and found the courage to get up at his funeral and manage to get through it.....one of the things i said was if someone had told me 6 months ago that this was going to happen to me, i said there would have been no way i could have survived.....but somehow i have. i don't know how, but i have....and i just really feel for you honey, i wish i could say something meaningful other than im thinking of you, i really am, and my heart is breaking for you, cause i know a lot of the pain you are feeling......massive massive