First of all, I am so sorry for your loss When I lost Josh in Oct 2008 at 20 w 6 d, I didn't have a funeral or a memorial, I couldn't face anyone either. My partner and I had a priest at the funeral home with our baby boy and he blessed him. We've said our good byes there. That's all I could handle. I then thought of placing his ashes at a memorial park and have a little service for him on his EDD which was 12 Feb 2009. We arranged it with a really lovely priest, called some family and friends, and then on the night before my EDD, I got cold feet and cancelled the memorial service. I felt like a huge load was lifted off my shoulders, as I realised I wasn't ready to let go of my son's ashes. We did however, told the people we've invited to come to our house for a BBQ, and it was so lovely and relaxing. One thing we did which was beautiful, was we each wrote a message for Joshua on our balloons, and then we released them, it was the most beautiful and peaceful gesture I have ever done. I felt like I released him into heaven, it was a beautiful moment, one to also signify the end of my pregnancy at full term, had I got there.
It will be 12 months since my son's birth on 1 October, and I'm not sure how I will spend the day, but I want to make it beautiful to honour my son's 1st Birthday.
Good luck hunni, do what feels right for you. I felt the pressure to do more, but could only handle so much.
My thought are with you and your family.
That sounds fair enough for the pressure anyway.
I don't want to feel the pressure of having to plan something for my baby girl.
But my candle circle on the beach at night sounds nice.
I'm just wanting a lot of candles anyway and I don't know.
Might make a memory box thing for myself when I can't sleep late at night ya'h know.
I hate the pain and I wish it would go away.
Grr
Bree-Anna, I've very sorry for your loss, especially as it doesn't sound like you have much support arounds you. Big hugs hun. When I lost Joshua, I had a candle lit all the time, every day for months. I thought if it isn't lit, I wasn't thinking of him and I felt guilty. Eventually, I only lit one a day and then one a week and now I light one when I feel the need. I have a beautiful teaddy bear blue box full of Joshua's things, photo album, his birth book from the hospital, little teddies, christmas tree decorations, his birth certificate etc, and every now and then I pull it out and look through everything remembering my little angel.
rbradford08 & tillygrace, I'm so sorry for your losses also, sending you big hugs
Bree-ana-I think the memory box is a great idea ,i have one,also have just ordered a 'reconition of life certificate' since we didn't get a official birth certificate as the loss was before 20 weeks.
Yeah, I light a candle when I also feel the need but sometimes I'm afraid to starting thinking about her.
I write in a journal of how I'm feeling as well but I find when I do that I start to break down and then I feel like I can't handle it.
I can then feel the pain, every time I let loose and then it just like encourages me to bottle it up again.
I prefer to do a memory box.
I think it will suite me well with the locked away sort of thing happening.
I'm more tempted to just go out and buy the thing I would have gotten for her when she was born and whatnot and just create a little memory box I can keep by my bed like I have now but a better one so to speak.
Either way, I don't want the pain anymore but I know it will always be with me and that's what scares me the most sometimes.
What I have done for my little Nikita was to buy a charm bracelet. I keep it in her Urn and every year for her birthday I plan on buying a charm. It has an ID plate on it so I had her name on one side and on the underside I did her birth date and angel date (she was 8 days old when she died).
I don't wear the bracelet, it is not on display, its just a little something to commemorate her birth and is something just from mother to daughter.
When I lost Josh in Oct 2008 at 20 w 6 d, I didn't have a funeral or a memorial, I couldn't face anyone either. My partner and I had a priest at the funeral home with our baby boy and he blessed him. We've said our good byes there. That's all I could handle. I then thought of placing his ashes at a memorial park and have a little service for him on his EDD which was 12 Feb 2009. We arranged it with a really lovely priest, called some family and friends, and then on the night before my EDD, I got cold feet and cancelled the memorial service. I felt like a huge load was lifted off my shoulders, as I realised I wasn't ready to let go of my son's ashes. We did however, told the people we've invited to come to our house for a BBQ, and it was so lovely and relaxing. One thing we did which was beautiful, was we each wrote a message for Joshua on our balloons, and then we released them, it was the most beautiful and peaceful gesture I have ever done. I felt like I released him into heaven, it was a beautiful moment, one to also signify the end of my pregnancy at full term, had I got there.
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