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Thread: Do you allow

  1. #37

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    sushee cripes hon, you have done a fantastic job considering she is nearly 18 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I mean I was just about to be a mother of two by her age, so bravo to you!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  2. #38

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    EEeeek! Let me clarify!!!

    Belle is very fair and her hair very blonde. Black would look awful on her, but it's hard to keep in and can easily look flat and greyish (on a blondie)- so no way for Belle.

    Being once blonde myself I always craved raven tresses.....

  3. #39

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    You know I'm teasing Its all good Lulu2... I promise

  4. #40

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    Ok, I'm not there yet, but I'll do this and check when dd is a teen to see if I have waver in my firm believes
    Hairdye- NO, when she finish High School, be my guest (she can do semi-permanet after 16 during school holidays)
    Shaving- YES, when she starts High School. Underarms bit earlier if she has a sweat issue like her mother.
    Piercings- Yes, as soos as she is ready to pay for it herself and clean it, she can get her ears pierced. I feel that it's a personal choice, not one that I (personally) would make when she is 4 months old. After she is out of my house, she can pierce herself from top to toe - if that is HER choice and she knows the longterm effect of having body piercings. (saying this DH would disagree - His vote on piercings - NOTHING except ears, and then only one hole per ear)
    Swearing- NO, ladies don't swear and I am not raising a tramp ( thinking about my own horrible language in times of angre, frustration and excitement - what a rollmodel I am :P )
    Drinking- I would supervise drinking at home from age 16. That is half a glass on special occasions. NO DRINKING PARIES IN THIS WOMAN"s HOUSE. Finish, over and out. I know I won't be able to keep her from drinking, but I would like to set a good example and learn her to drink responsible and be safe if she IS drinking.
    Going out- Tough one! Her visiting friends or a birthday party - Her curve (sp) will probably get later as she gets older and I would like to know exactly where she is going to and who will be there AND if the parents are there. As for clubbing or going to a pub - NO, not until she is 18 and out of my house. Dancing over 16 - hmmmm???? If I know the boy she is going with and know the place??? In by midnight? I think that would depend on the situation and DH's mood. For all I know he will keep her inside 24/7, gaurding her with a double barrel shotgun.
    Tattoos - Not while she is living in my house, sorry
    That does sound awfully strict, but I was raised that way and I did not turn out that bad! I just believe that choices that alter your apperance must be made when you already know yourself and are comfy with who you are. And accept that these "changes" would be perment. I feel that she must love herself and be herself, before she change her outward image. Don't know if that make sense or not, but it's the way I feel. I know that at does not happen the day you turn 18, but you are sure as hell going to put more thinking into it that when you are 15 and getting peer presured into a desicion. I would like to teach my daughter that making decisions feuled my friends and wanting to fit in, does not always have the desired effect.
    My spelling is atrousious (sp)
    Just for info: I have no tattoo's, HAD a belly piercing, but no other piercings (ok, one hole per ear) and coloured my hair for the first time when I was 19, started shaving when I was in grade 8, I was drunk the first time when I was 17, Never swore in my mothers house and my curve in grade 12 was midnight. 100% nerd/mamma's-girl

  5. #41
    rolymogs Guest

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    .....
    Last edited by rolymogs; March 20th, 2008 at 01:25 PM.

  6. #42

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    I think the thing is educating, and not "telling" or "demanding" or "forbidding" but sitting down and talking to your kids. I knew what an alcoholic was so I was careful. Paris is 5 and she knows what an alcoholic is, we talk about the affects of drugs and alcohol often. And why people smoke, the damage it can do (not just that its stinky or yuk), but we really do chat about this stuff. Right now she's not wanting any of this stuff obviously so I'm not talking to her about what I will and will not want her to do. She doesn't want to and I'm more than ok with that. She understands that drink driving is dangerous, she knows that when you have a piercing it leaves a scar and it hurts to get one, a tattoo hurts and lasts forever... we talk about all this stuff but not in a "fear" it kind of way, just the facts. Sure I could very well eat my words, I don't claim to know it all But I do think that "because I said so" isn't a good enough reason for a teenager and can lead to problesm.

    Rolymogs, sounds like you and I are very similar in regards to this.

  7. #43

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    Dye her hair I dyed it for her earlier this year just before the pink concert, it is dark brown naturally & I bleached streaks in it & added hot ponk so it looked AWESOME! I have coloured my hair forever, I have no prob with it & neither does DH! So yep that's fine with us!
    Shave her body she's not yet 9, but does have the start of hair growing under her arms & elsewhere, but we have a super close realtionship & so when she asks about it, or if she needs to etc I'll be honest & take it from there! If it's making her uncomfortable, insecure then yep, I'll be supportive & we'll take it from there!
    Get piercings anywhere When she's 16 if she wants more piercings then I dont think it's a problem... DH's culture is to have baby girls ears pierced, so both our DD's were done early on...
    Swear She is not like me (A swearer) she is very mature & doesnt copy us/me. But like al;l kids I'm sure they swear amongst themselves at school... Will I let her swear at, to me in my house nope, I'll pull her up if/when it happens!
    Drink I guess a time will come that she hides drinking with her friends, however as we are close I will take it as it comes, I am still guessing it will be a few yrs off as she's turning 9 next month... I cannot say, I drank at 15, so I guess from 13 onwards we will be more aware of whats going on with her!!! (WE HOPE)
    Smoke I hope Not, but again I guess she'll try it with friends first! I will STRONGLY encourage her not too!
    Go out of a night As above, I'll take it as it comes & how well I know her friends & their families at that stage!???

    *Maddy has already expressed her want for tattoo's & piercings which we are Ok with, but I have explained it's not really good to get done til she is about 16... Her Uncles in Bali are Tattoo artists & both DH & I are tattooed, so we are Ok with them & after all by 16 I think it's hard to tell another person what they can/cant do to their own body..., However things might change!??? I take it as it comes!

    We are really close & she tells me most stuff & we discuss things openly & she knows she can always come to us!
    But like Cailin, I wont say what I will do, after all I know I pushed my parents BIG TIME!!! I wont be forbidding, I will be discussing the Pro's & cons of the various things she wnats to try..

    I also think picking our battles is more important, so I'll decide as the time arises!
    Last edited by Tracey; October 27th, 2007 at 12:00 PM.

  8. #44

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    I dont mind tattoos either,my hubbie has them everywhere, but like my DH says, its best to wait til you are mature enough to pick something that has meaning for you and that you will understand will be there forever. They dont let you get one till your over 18 anyway in the tatt shops. My son said he wants one when he turns 18, I dont care, its not the worst thing he could do in life.

    I am lucky so far neither of my teens want to drink nor smoke. My son thinks people not only look and sound stpid after a few drinks, but they smell gross too, just like cigarettes!

  9. #45

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    I am 19 so thought I would just let you know when mum let me do all of these things. Not sure if it will help you at all or not...

    Dye hair - I was 14 the first time and nan took me to get it done while I was inj sydney, but mum let me keep doing it after that.
    Shave - I started shaving my legs when I was 15 by my choice, mum didn't mind.
    Piercings - got my ears pierced when I was little, I then got my labret at 16 and my belly buton at 16. Mum didn't approve but she didn't disapprove either. I have now taken them both out.
    Swear - I don't swear.
    Drink - Mum didn't let me till I was 18, but I don't much like alcohol so I rarely do it anyway.
    Smoke - I could never stand the smell so I never tried it.
    Go out at night - Mum used to let me go to the movies and stuff like that with friends when I was bout 14, but other than that I didn't go out at night till I was about 17.

  10. #46

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    supa_star323 what a gorgous mature young women you are!!! And your mother is very smart!!

  11. #47

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    I forgot to add that I guess because I have a lot of tattoos myself, my kids don't have that fascination with them that other kids do. My 15yo DS mentioned once that he wouldn't mind getting one, and I laughed and said that it's so nice he wanted to be like his dear old mum, which put him right off! Lol!

  12. #48

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    DD asked if she could get one now (at nearly 16) and DH said "Ok you get me a picture of what you want now and if you still like it at 18 then I'll even pay for it" he figures that the tatt she loves now will horrify her at 18!!

  13. #49

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    Tattoos & Piercings don't bother me as its their body kwim? And chances are they'll do it with or without your consent

  14. #50

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    Can I just thank everyone for sharing why they have their stance on alcohol. Alcoholics and alcohol abusers scare me too - I hate that my sister thinks a good night is one where she has forgotten half of it. But I have always been a responsible drinker, which is why I am more lax with alcohol than other things. I will let DS have alcohol pre-18 (not illegal here) if he asks for it at a reasonable age - maybe a shandy with his dad when they're fishing at the weekend, a small glass of wine for birthdays/Christmas... but one drink only. He will grow up knowing you have A glass and that's it. You drink for the taste, not the intoxication. You don't touch alcohol if you're the driver.

    DH and I will educate DS of the dangers of drinking, smoking, drugs... as others have said, we can't stop him but we can explain our reasons for why we feel as we do - as you can see just from this thread, a "I do this and you don't so you are bad" stance leads to upset and not respect. We will tell him why we hate smoking and how we saw our grandparents die horrible, horrible deaths from smoking-related cancers. We will explain that getting drunk isn't laudable. I will explain that I do not use bad language and do not expect to hear it from ANYONE - DH included (and I have told off a friend once - reflex reaction, I promise!). If DS swears around his dad then it's DH's lookout to clean up his language.

    DH is anti-piercings and tattoos, so we won't be allowing any before our littlies can get them done themselves, the exception being ears for a girl. I did want a tattoo once upon a time, but DH (then my boyfriend) told me I was being stupid and now I'm glad he did, I'd hate a wrinkly tattoo when I was older or a stretched tattoo due to pregnancy.

    As for driving with friends - tbh, I was from the moment I passed my test and they passed theirs. My parents never batted an eyelid. But now I'm a parent thinking about this, I'm miffed at how lax they were. I used to ask for a curfew when I was 16! Children need rules and boundaries, even if you explain them and set them together, they still need them. I will need to think about this more and probably not make up my mind until the time comes! In some respects if they have passed the test they're safe in theory, but teenage drivers are dangerous still. So I'll pass on that for now.

  15. #51
    rolymogs Guest

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    Last edited by rolymogs; March 20th, 2008 at 01:24 PM.

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    Soul, you asked if noone thinks smoking is worse than alcohol (or something along those lines) and I just wanted to say that for me, I know the dangers of smoking and its long term effects on the body as well of those of alcohol. Although I would be willing to "allow" my children to drink before 18 but not smoke, I feel the need to be more "flexible" with alcohol because of the things that could potentially happen under the influence of alcohol. Alcohol has the ability to alter the mind, depress the respiratory and cardiovasuclar systems, and to place the drinker in potentially dangerous situations. By drinking, my child could be drugged, raped, assualted, robbed, fall over and hurt themselves (haven't we all whilst drunk?), drink themselves into stupor etc etc. Smoking has none of these short term dangers - the dangers are more long term. Because of this, I would rather have them drink at home in mine or DH's presence so we can provide a safer environment for their alcohol consumption.

    MG

  17. #53

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    DH is anti-piercings and tattoos, so we won't be allowing any before our littlies can get them done themselves, the exception being ears for a girl. I did want a tattoo once upon a time, but DH (then my boyfriend) told me I was being stupid and now I'm glad he did, I'd hate a wrinkly tattoo when I was older or a stretched tattoo due to pregnancy.
    Might look good on saggy boobs!!!

    Ryn I see what your saying, and you seem to be looking at it with smart attitude, as in teaching for the taste not how it affects ones brain, you know the giggles feeling!


    Well my daughter was horrified today. She is 10 and her friend came over for the day to play, her name is Ellie, she lives with her mother, but is tossed to the two grandmothers and father nearly daily. Ellie told Hanna that her dad gives her wine, a glass of wine, she is 10, Ellie thinks its "Cool" to have wine and that she likes the funny feeling it gives her.And because she likes it so much she cant wait till she grows up and can have it all the time and get lots of differnet ones. Hanna told her that she is stupid, her words, she said that her brain is going to be stuffed before she is even at the age to go buy it herself. Ellie thinks its funny and makes her feel so good she could do it all day long.


    So this is how a 10 year old thinks, this tells me they are too young to be drinking and making such a big decision about alcohol. A child is too young to make a decision on such a drug, therefore I guess that is why they give Australia a legal age of when its ok!

    Sex is seductive too, more so, but not every kid is out there doing it, I guess it comes down to how the parents teach, talk and communicate with there kids.

    My 15 year old daughter does not rome the streets, she has a good head on her shoulders and is not interested in drinking or smoking either stuff, she does not swear, very much a little lady, and wants to keep her "Flower" as we call it, intact till she is 18. She is everyhting I wasnt as a kid, and I am mighty proud of her. I guess its because we sit and talk about it all and I listen, just listen with no judgements, so she knows she has a friend in me. God I hope it stays that way!

  18. #54

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    MG true! But I think altering ones state in the present time could cause a car accident and thats the end of there life, so to me its just as bad as smoking, where as smoking they could give up anytime and still live a healthy life, smoking will ot cause death within seconds as where grog could. I think drink driving is a huge problem and causes most deaths in young people.

    I hate smoking too though, its gross, if a smoker lights up near me I walk away mumberling curses at them!!! he he he

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