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Thread: How do you stay out of it?

  1. #1

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    Default How do you stay out of it?

    My DD is having a few problems atm she is 14 and ofcourse its usually about a boy.lol

    Anyway to put a long story short a good friend of hers is giving her hard time about a particular boy that apparently they both like but he likes my dd, the problem is she is now calling my dd awful names and making up stories etc about her. I just read dd's facebook status and i thought i better go see if she is ok I just found dd in her room crying, she says she isnt but us mothers know better. We had a chat and she said her friend jsut text her calling her a S**t, which those of you that know her is far from the truth.



    I am finding it hard to ignore it as she is obviously very upset but on the other hand i know that it will probably make things worse for her.
    Would you stay out of it or talk to her friend?

  2. #2

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    oh my gosh i feel soo bad for her!! life is so cruel when your that age and especially when your own friend is the one that is bullying you around.. my mum used to step in with me and i used to just stay behind but it became more frequent till i did something myself in which was a massive explosion maybe tell your daughter to remove herself from that person for abit and if it keeps up maybe then you will have to alert her school authorities as this is definently a form of bullying which i understand is not tolerated... i hope she is ok the poor girl

  3. #3

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    I'd stay out of it, but lather plenty of cuddles and chocolate on DD xoxoxoxo

  4. #4

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    I'd stay out of it. Maybe talk to the mum if you know her. Let her know its not on, its bullying and you will take further action, let the school know.

  5. #5

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    tough call.
    Personally I don't think you should say anything to the other girl. You may be able to approach the girls parents about the issue - depending on how well you think you would be recieved. Otherwise a better idea might be to approach the school and progress things that way. They may be able to help provide some kind of mediation, or anti-bullying strategy. Things like this have a way of progressing quickly and suddenly.

    It is good that you have a good enough relationship with your DD that she feels she can share this with you, many teenagers would not.

  6. #6

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    Default How do you stay out of it?

    As a high school teacher this can get VERY messy. Unless you know the parents well, do not contact them. I would not recommend approaching the bully either. Make an appointment with the school and take printouts/screen prints of any facebook/msn activity.(before the bully deletes it) Also save all texts. Make sure your daughter does not respond in any way, because in these cases the bully often says she is a victim too (and sometimes this is true) you also need to make sure your your daughters friends are not "retaliating" on her behalf. I would recommend your daughter finds other friends, this is a pattern for many teen girls and I often see the same girls/ group to deal with this bullying over and over. They are enemies, they make up and then it starts again.

    As an aside, has she "unfriended" this person and blocked them? I am always amazed how many teens have ppl they are fighting with allowed access to their social networking!

  7. #7

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    Do they go to the same school? Does the school have a policy on cyber-bullying? Because that's what it is. You may not have to get involved personally, but there may be a way to approach it through the school.

    BW

  8. #8

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    thanks Ladies for all the advice, it has been a long night.

    Update
    My dd come and jumped in bed with me early hours of the night (DF and dd were away for the night) and this morning we had a light hearted chat about what is really important about friends and how sometimes girls are blind sided by a boy etc. She seemed to understand where i was coming from and we agreed that her friend is actually a really nice girl and dd said she has never been like this before and she cant understand why she is lashing out at her. This girl is often at our place and has stayed over many times, i have her mobile number in my phone as she sometimes text's me mostly if dd's phone is flat or something. I mentioned to DD about me talking to her friend or her mum, she said no and really meant it by her face so i backed off as im happy she is able to talk to me and dont want that to change.
    Ok then we got up and i was making breakfast while dd was in the shower when the phone rang, it was dds friends mother on the phone, she explained to me that her daughter was very upset and she couldnt get her to go to school because she was worried about an arguement she had with dd. Her mother was not aware of what the incident was about just that her daughter said im not going everyone is going to hate me now. I explained what i was told by dd and in know way do i think dd wasnt at fault either but there was no need for cyber and text bullying and she agreed. She asked to speak to dd but i said she was in shower and she said actually dont tell her i rang and at 8.30 can you make sure she answers the phone. 8.30 came around and i made myself scarce, the phone rang as planned and dd was talking when i entered room, she then left with phone to her room, about 10 mins later she came out and said her friend had apologised and was very upset by what she had done. Dd seemed happy but then on way to school she said mum i think that she is upset about something else and just took it out on me.
    So this time it seems it might be ok but im still a bit weary of this girl, and yeah dd might be right there could be something else bothering her. Im proud of my dd for sticking by her friends but also worried that this will happen again. I had never seen her so upset.
    Thankyou for your advice and for reading my rant

  9. #9

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    I'm glad it's sorted out Abb. Teenager girls can be so horrible.

  10. #10

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    tinks im not holding my breathe
    Im actually trying so hard to not go into her facbook and read messages.

  11. #11

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    Teenage girls.... must admit I am a bit anxious about when my DD is one...
    Sounds like you are handling things well. Unfortunately as parents, all you can do is guide and hope that they make the right decision and be there ready to pick up the peices when they make the wrong one. It sounds like your DD is quite insightful and that you two have a good relationship, I am sure she will get through her teenage years relatively well.

  12. #12

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    girls can be so nasty to each other. i was going to say teenage girls, but unfortunately for some it still seems to continue well into adulthood

    but it sounds like you've given your DD the tools she needs to help get her through & to work things out. hopefully things have settled down a bit.

  13. #13

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    i think in a way it was easier for us without the internet and mobile phones, etc etc. but girls can just be real nasty and i really don't know what you can do. if only we could put all our confidence and knowledge into their brains then they'd be o.k.
    i hoe your daughter can cope and learn to ignore the nasty girls. goodluck

  14. #14

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    Hi Abb,
    I just wanted to let you know I understand your emotions as a parent. I have a 17 yr son. And for most of his school years he was bullied. It really started because he was a bright confident boy who even as a 6 year old was cheeky and had a quick wit. It made him a target. Once it was out there that he was fun to bully it seemed to follow him no matter where we went. We even moved an hour away after his father died and things didn't change. For the first couple of years I stood up for him, spoke to the parents of the kids and had meetings with the schools. I even got him councilling thinking it was maybe something he was doing. You get to a stage where you clutch at straws. In the end I decided that perhaps I was making the situation worse rather than helping. It was here that I decided that he should start fighting his own battles because the world isn't fair and yes life can be cruel.
    As it turned out I made the right decision. I was always here for him ready with a cuddle and a hanky if need be and an ice cream if it was really bad, advice if it was asked for. Making him stand up for himself and letting him fight his own battles was the right thing to do. I think the first year of high school was the worst. He would often come home quiet and sullen. Being a teenager would never share. Then there was a turning in the tide.

    He became confident and sure of himself. And because he stopped letting people dictate how he should feel he started making some good friends.
    Now at 17 he is confident and popular and he will always stand up for the bully.
    Standing back was the hardest thing to do, but it was the right thing. He was embarressed everytime I helped and if he did need help he asked.
    I know it is cold comfort when your feeling the pressure but it does get better and the best advice I could give is just to be there when she calls even if it is just for a cuddle.

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