yep, I think I basically agree with everyone else. We're in a slightly different situation as DSD (who's nearly 16) is coming to live with us after living with her mum where she has been left to her own devices a lot. She doesn't do well on her own (I know because she lived with us for 8 months and just wanted to hang out with someone to talk to rather than going out with friends or sulking in her room) so her alternative to being on her own at home while her mum was out was to get into trouble with the cliched 'wrong crowd'. As a result, she has already done most of the things on this list from staying out till 2am with someone in a truck, trying booze, drugs etc. etc.

So it could go either way when she gets here. I have a feeling that she will actually feel secure from having more rules/more supervision (we have made it clear that we will be a lot stricter than her mum) but she could totally rebel and want her old freedoms back.

So here goes:

Out in cars with older people: not comfortable with that unless we know who they are.

Hanging around in shopping centres: not the most productive use of her time, but not much harm in it and I can hardly lecture her as I don't mind a tootle around the shops myself. So I can't see the difference.

Going away for the weekend: just with friends - absolutely, 100% NOT. With parents - yes, depending on who they were.

Drinking: toughie but they will find a way if they want to do it. DSD already has while she was living with her mum (to the point of passing out), so we will need to be realistic. My view would be that if she is going to drink she needs to learn how to drink responsibly. It has taken me a long, long time to realise that the first two drinks are the best. After that, there's not much point and certainly no point just drinking and drinking to excess. So depending on DP's thoughts we may instill the sensible drinking line rather than the no drinking line because I think we would have more success with the former. If I knew she hadn't already been drinking, then I'd be more inclined to do the "no drinking till you're 18 because it's the law and the law's there for a reason," but the horse has already bolted there.