MASSIVE double teenager vent

[Lulu]

Well I'm surprisingly calm about it lately which is probably doing her head in.

She is an absolute testament to stubbornness - for a month she has gone without chocolate, ANTM, computer and sat out there in the most revolting mess eating 2 minute noodles and sneaking in for breakfast every morning.
Dp, who is hopelessly soft and forgives her for everything has had enough and teased her relentlessly all weekend.....

[Epacris]

Fair Dinkum hey.... massive hugs Lulu stay strong (we're all here for you). I hope your DD gets over whatever it is she needs to get over soon.

[Marlene]

Oh Lulu...I know exactly what you are going through hun, my DD started demanding the YA payments before she even turned 16 and could even get YA payments...LOL. It got to the point where it was so infuriating that I didnt even apply for them, LOL. It meant a small drop in our money each f/n but at least I didnt have her demanding "her" money every f/n...HAHAHAHA.
Anyway, as you know, she left home only a couple of months after turning 16 so it was a moot point really anyway. C/link also rang me asking if it was 'unreasonable' for her to live at home as she had tried to get that payment as well, I told them that she ran away and was welcome back anytime...so she didn't get it.

for you hun...I truly know how heartbreaking it is! You are doing a FANTASTIC job, I parented my DD almost exactly as you have with yours...leniency, with boundaries...but of course it was never enough, they are never happy with what they have, they just want more, more, more!!

By the way....her and her boyfriend have now decided they didnt like his parents rules either, so they have took off (while his parents weren't home) and went to live in his grandparents granny flat in their backyard!! Wonder where they will go when their rules get too hard to follow.

Thank goodness you still have your DD there with you and you know she is safe. My DD has had no contact (and refused all my attempts to even try) since October. The sad thing is her baby brother won't even know who she is.

[Madham]

Lulu - i am dredding this time to come with my dd she will be 13 this year and i can already see little things erupting in her. You are doing an amazing job and you are remaining strong and not backing down which is half the battle and problem with some familys these days (imo). i hope 18 comes fast for you and the muturity that hopefully comes along with age.

Marlene - big to you also. I left home when i was 16 as i didnt want to live under my parents rules. My mum said to me if you want to leave go, i will not help you but when you want to come home under our roof with our rules i will help you move home. I think i was gone about 2 - 3 months and i returned. I totally regret the way i treated my mother and now we have the best relationship, infact we live only 10 houses from each other. I just wanted to let you know that hopefully one day (fingers crossed its sooner rather than later) she will realise how much her family means to her.

[Lulu]

Well I have been really working it and cooking the most fragrant recipes I can think of so it wafts into the unit.....

She ambushed Dp when he came back from a late night supermarket run to see if he had chocolate - he said yep, but its FAMILY chocolate

[Madham]

Good one Lulu surely she will be sick of 2 minute noodles soon enough.
quick thing Dp

[Phteven]

well done Lulu on sticking to your guns.
I think you're doing agreat job - I hope I can teen-wrangle as well asyou when my time comes.

[Ozziehoffy]

Lulu, well done hun, well done. I must say that Joshua does pull the sweet and loving thing when he wants something too....hasn't been too bad lately...better stay that way too.

As for the whole payment issue....OMG I seriously think that so many of these govt. rules etc only encourage and enable kids to act out and become the way that a lot of them are....THEN it's the pollies and govt. who go on about how bad the young of today are and how rude etc.....ummmm HELLO WAKE UP YOU ARE ENABLING THEM D***HEADS!

[Jennifer13]

Well I'm surprisingly calm about it lately which is probably doing her head in.

She is an absolute testament to stubbornness - for a month she has gone without chocolate, ANTM, computer and sat out there in the most revolting mess eating 2 minute noodles and sneaking in for breakfast every morning.

Now I wonder who she sounds like?

Seriously, hun, as frustrating as this is, you have made your decision and she has made hers and you are both as stubborn as each other. If you think you are doing the right thing to get the kind of outcome you would like (ie in the way she accepts responsibility) then I say continue to make your stand. But if you don't think this is going to help her (think long term) then perhaps it's time to think of another way to get what you want for her. Also, if you are asking for her to treat you with respect, then I think it's fair that she be treated respectfully as well. Which I'm sure you try to do, but with her slightly underdeveloped emotional brain it may not always seem that way to her.

this BTW from the woman who has to remind herself not to fight a 3 year old on the 5th change of clothes in one day...! (So feel free to ignore me - I'm just remembering what I was like as a teenager).

[Lulu]

He he, I stood strong and continue to do so! And I'm winning

To be fair, I always knew it would be me that made the first move but she was so continually awful I felt I never had the chance. She actually cleaned her room up perfectly and started to wander in to play with the kids.
She went out on Saturday night so I drove her (the 'giving in' part!) and we had a nice chat on the way. I ended up with food poisoning (I think) later that night and when she came home she fussed over me nicely, made sure I was comfortable and helped distract the kids outta my hair the next day.
She got a near perfect score on one of her SAC's, and 80% on her biology exams and 75% for maths and I'm proud of her (and then told her I expect 85 and 80% respectively on her next exams )

Its nice having her back on a lazy Sunday too, we all stay in our jimjams, watch trashy telly and play Wii together. It wasn't as fun without her and I think she missed us too

I'm only such a hardass on the dealbreakers, yanno? Safety, respect, self-respect , integrity, responsibility and pride in your work. End of story, these are my expectations.

Like I told DD - when she was little and her behaviour was bad, it would reflect on ME. Now she is older and able to make her own decisions, it will reflect on HER.....

[Curly]

I've been reading this thread with interest...I'm a looong way away from teenagerdom yet but I was a horrible teenage girl.

Lulu, I think you are doing fantastically. The only thing I would contribute is that you need to be careful to allow her to "save face". Apologising/agreeing that you were right will cost her a great deal and if you do what my Mum did, which was to make it clear she felt that she had "won" and I had capitulated, will just make things worse. There was always that triumphant glint in her eye.

It sounds like such a little thing, but I had some dreadful standoffs with my Mum just because I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of winning, y'know?

[Lulu]

She has always been that way. You just have to give her a chance to let herself off the hook.
I hate the stress of the whole thing, I don't care about winning it's too fricken tiring being right all the time!

[Curly]

LOL you missed your calling, should have been a diplomat!

[Footsteps]

sounds like shes actually behaving herself lu...hopefully it lasts.
shel realise in time you are only caring for her and want the best for her.
tell her well done from me on her SAC results...good on her.
love rach xxx
p.s your doing a fantastic job xxx

[Jennifer13]

Good news Lulu. And the good part is think of how much you'll already know for DS and DD2 when they get to teenage-hood!