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Thread: MASSIVE double teenager vent

  1. #1

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    Thumbs down MASSIVE double teenager vent

    PART ONE

    OK, so I moved DD into the semi-contained unit next to the house. Yes, I moved her in there because for 6 weeks she couldn't even be bothered moving her OWN things in. I need her old room for DD2, she is doing well at school and frankly I can do without living with a storm cloud in the house.
    I only threw her stuff into boxes and put it in there, don't think I was doing her any favours...
    Well after a particularly UGLY episode that saw her calling me every name under the sun (for confiscating her Ipod that she was BLASTING when I was trying to get DD2 to sleep), and a lovely tantrum I decided she could bloody well stay out there until she could get a grip on herself and apologise for her behaviour.
    She could come inside to use the kitchen and laundry but ONLY if she was civil.
    Apparently she is unable to speak to me unless she is calling me names, so she has been out there for a month. Refuses to apologise, occasionally comes in to raid the kitchen and when I tell her she cannot because of her continuing behaviour it all starts again. Although she will play sweet to try and get something she wants but I'm stonewalling her because I have been sucked in 3 times now - thinking we are getting back on track because she comes around in a 'good' mood, only to have her snarl within 5 minutes.
    I cannot express what a horrible turd she has been this last month and it's all for nothing. I'm not a permissive parent by any stretch of the imagination, she has a great social life, goes to concerts, parties etc. I know she isn't a stupidhead, she has proven her trustworthiness in the past, I don't mind she has piercings or how she dresses (un tartlike) or her LOUD music. I ask that I know where she is and how she is getting home. If I can't pick her up on Sat nights, I sometimes pay for a cab, she knows a friend of mine will pick her up from the city after a concert if need be. She is usually home about 12-1am so imagine my reaction to this conversation yesterday.

    DD16- can N give me a lift to the shops now please? (its my car)
    Me - well that depends on you, are you planning on being a part of this family now?
    DD16 - what?
    Me - well you can't go on picking and choosing what you want from us, either you treat me and the kids with respect and care or you walk.
    DD16 - that's typical of you - YOU JUST WANT TO CONTROL ME
    Me - No I just insist I know where you are, I don't stop you from doing anything at all
    DD16 - yes you do, you try to stop me going out all the time, like on Sat night
    Me - Oh is that when I asked you to be home by 12.30 and offered you a lift home from the party?

    Grrr - it makes no sense



    She wants her Youth Allowance paid direct to her - LIKE FUN THAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN. I don't know why every teenager in the universe seems to think YA is their reward for going to school, or THEIR pocket money. No go around here mate, I need that money to keep the roof over her head, she can get a JOB to pay for any extras she needs. Which she did have over Xmas but now she hasn't had work for over a month its not her fault and getting a different job seems to be insulting to her.
    So massive power struggles here. I told her to go tell Clink all her problems so they can explain why I can do what I like with the YA.

    PART TWO

    So I get a call from the Clink social worker last week. We were on the phone for awhile whilst I explained the situation (in which said social worker heartily agrees that she is very lucky to have her own unit). I express clearly that I will never kick her out, she will be under my care until she is 18 then its all up to her, she can move out or whatever. I am teaching her about the REAL WORLD and how it works.
    She says thanks, she has 4 pages of notes of which to make a decision whether to grant the payment. HEY WHAT? What frickn payment?
    Unreasonable to live at home payment.....WTF? Oh is she planning on moving out I ask, because as I have explained it is certainly not "unreasonable" for her to live here.

    and get THIS - they were considering paying her to live in the unit in my BACKYARD under the "unreasonable" provisions.
    I cannot believe it. Its unreasonable for her to live 'at home' but the backyard is ok?????

    In any case I told social worker - I am pretty sure you will not grant this payment, its not what it is for, but if you do just know that I will fight this all the was to the frickn high court because in effect you will be taking my rights to parent this child away, you will put my family into extreme financial hardship and there is nothing UNREASONABLE about this scenario except for DDs behaviour.
    I also told her that in a few months I will be back earning a good wage and she will not be entitled to ANYTHING from Clink due to my wage and I will STILL NOT be giving her any sort of pocket money unless she starts contributing.

    So there - GREAAAGHHHHHHHCH

  2. #2

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    O-M-G!!

    Good on you!!!!!!!!! I hope I am as good a parent as you when my kids are teenagers. (which isn't very far away)

  3. #3

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    Jeez hun, it's a wonder you're not a mad woman!! My youngest sister sounds the same - doesn't matter what you do for her, it's never even acknowledged, but god help us if we DON'T do something!

    Cyber chocolates and alcohol for you

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    Lulu big to you hun, you are doing a great job raising your girls and one day DD will realise the hard work you have put into her and say thank you.

    Regards,
    Dianne

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    Maybe give her 50cents out of her youth a allowance a fortnight with a note listing what it's been used for. I'm only guessing here, but after bills, food, house payments etc she'd be lucky to have 5c left

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    Wholly Moley... tough gig Lu. You are doing a great job mate Hopefully Bell will come to her senses soon enough and realise that her attitude wont get her anywhere.

    LOL @ Tinkerbell, I would do that too hah!!

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    feeb is offline Thankful for the kindness of my 2012 RAK making me Life member

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    Well done hun on setting centrelink straight on what she is doing.

    Huge hugs I hope she decides to be a nice DD soon.

    xoxoxo

  8. #8
    kirsty_lee Guest

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    babe!! Teenagers eh.. Im definately NOT looking forward to it. She's already a teenager some days NOW as it is lol

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    Oh Lulu! you have my total sympathy and understanding. Our once sweet and agreeabe DD has also morphed into a similar creature as your DD. However at least it has never occured to her to demand the CentreLink payments that we get for her.... sheesh!!!! Does any child ever really get them??? Our DD is fully aware that every cent from Centrelink goes straight into her education.... and now that she has decided that she wants to stay at her school there is no pushing boundaries where money is concerned ('cos it costs a bloody fortune!). I would maybe find out how many kids her age actually do get CL payments.... and how many actually have to pay their parents (if they have a job). When my DD was modelling she only saw about 10% of it.... the rest went into paying for her living expenses.

    Hold tight to your sanity Lulu... "This Too Shall Pass!"

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    double post
    Last edited by Bathsheba; March 10th, 2009 at 11:16 AM.

  11. #11

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    Well I'm surprisingly calm about it lately which is probably doing her head in.

    She is an absolute testament to stubbornness - for a month she has gone without chocolate, ANTM, computer and sat out there in the most revolting mess eating 2 minute noodles and sneaking in for breakfast every morning.
    Dp, who is hopelessly soft and forgives her for everything has had enough and teased her relentlessly all weekend.....

  12. #12

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    Fair Dinkum hey.... massive hugs Lulu stay strong (we're all here for you). I hope your DD gets over whatever it is she needs to get over soon.

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    Oh Lulu...I know exactly what you are going through hun, my DD started demanding the YA payments before she even turned 16 and could even get YA payments...LOL. It got to the point where it was so infuriating that I didnt even apply for them, LOL. It meant a small drop in our money each f/n but at least I didnt have her demanding "her" money every f/n...HAHAHAHA.
    Anyway, as you know, she left home only a couple of months after turning 16 so it was a moot point really anyway. C/link also rang me asking if it was 'unreasonable' for her to live at home as she had tried to get that payment as well, I told them that she ran away and was welcome back anytime...so she didn't get it.

    for you hun...I truly know how heartbreaking it is! You are doing a FANTASTIC job, I parented my DD almost exactly as you have with yours...leniency, with boundaries...but of course it was never enough, they are never happy with what they have, they just want more, more, more!!

    By the way....her and her boyfriend have now decided they didnt like his parents rules either, so they have took off (while his parents weren't home) and went to live in his grandparents granny flat in their backyard!! Wonder where they will go when their rules get too hard to follow.

    Thank goodness you still have your DD there with you and you know she is safe. My DD has had no contact (and refused all my attempts to even try) since October. The sad thing is her baby brother won't even know who she is.

  14. #14

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    Lulu - i am dredding this time to come with my dd she will be 13 this year and i can already see little things erupting in her. You are doing an amazing job and you are remaining strong and not backing down which is half the battle and problem with some familys these days (imo). i hope 18 comes fast for you and the muturity that hopefully comes along with age.

    Marlene - big to you also. I left home when i was 16 as i didnt want to live under my parents rules. My mum said to me if you want to leave go, i will not help you but when you want to come home under our roof with our rules i will help you move home. I think i was gone about 2 - 3 months and i returned. I totally regret the way i treated my mother and now we have the best relationship, infact we live only 10 houses from each other. I just wanted to let you know that hopefully one day (fingers crossed its sooner rather than later) she will realise how much her family means to her.

  15. #15

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    Well I have been really working it and cooking the most fragrant recipes I can think of so it wafts into the unit.....

    She ambushed Dp when he came back from a late night supermarket run to see if he had chocolate - he said yep, but its FAMILY chocolate

  16. #16

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    Good one Lulu surely she will be sick of 2 minute noodles soon enough.
    quick thing Dp

  17. #17

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    well done Lulu on sticking to your guns.
    I think you're doing agreat job - I hope I can teen-wrangle as well asyou when my time comes.

  18. #18

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    Lulu, well done hun, well done. I must say that Joshua does pull the sweet and loving thing when he wants something too....hasn't been too bad lately...better stay that way too.

    As for the whole payment issue....OMG I seriously think that so many of these govt. rules etc only encourage and enable kids to act out and become the way that a lot of them are....THEN it's the pollies and govt. who go on about how bad the young of today are and how rude etc.....ummmm HELLO WAKE UP YOU ARE ENABLING THEM D***HEADS!

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