missing money

[chubbycheeks]

my daughter recently had her 7th b'day and got $20 from her g'father in a card, usually i would put the money straight into my purse, but this time, i just shoved it in the kitchen draw with some receipts i was keeping safe as i was busy at the time.

yesterday morning, i noted the $20 was there, i even touched it! later that afternoon i took my son (13yo) to his mates place for the night and came home. a little later for some reason or another, i went looking for the $20, it's not there, so i asked the other kids individually if they knew where it was, did anyone take it, i wasn't mad i was just worried as it was 7yos b'day money, no one else seemed to know anything, in fact the younger boys didn't know what i was talking about.

so what to do, i haven't approached 13yo yet, and i know he will instantly say no, he didn't touch it, take it or know it was there ..

over the past 12mths i've noticed small amounts go missing, usually just gold coins from the car or if they're left around they're claimed, never big amounts and usually i don't say anything as we don't have a pocket money system (too many kids, not enough money) and i understand that being his first yr in high school he may not want to appear "poor" or something .. i don't know, i'm grasping ..

so .. i need advice .. miss 12 is adamant she has no idea so i can only move onto mr 13y as he pushed to go to his mates place ..

i guess at the end of the day, if no one fesses up, i have to replace the $20 and live with the disappointment

[DoubleK]

hmm thats a hard one, you dont like to accuse, but someone had to have taken it!

perhaps just say to all the kids that someone must have it, and if they do they can put it back in the drawer and that will be the end of it?

i remember when we recieved our maternity payment, we withdrew a few hundred to just keep in the house, and i had my brother stay over (14yo) and when dp recounted the cash, it was 50 short. i hadnt used it, but i didnt have the heart to ask my brother, or tell my mum. he is the sort of kid who would think 'they wouldnt miss one $50 note out of all those' rather than think 'would they realise they are $50 short?' does that make sense?

hope it all works out for you hun!

[AnyDream]

Here's an idea, don't know what you'll think about this:
First of all, check very carefully it hasn't slipped under something/down the back of the drawers, etc.

Then step two is to call a family meeting and declare that since "someone" has taken it then "someone" has to pay for it - and dock both kids $10 to pay for it. They'll either fess up (the nonguilty party might dob) but they'll sure realise that there's a consequence should it ever happen again.

Just an idea, might be tough but it gives the message that a) it has been noticed and b) there will be a consequence if and whenever it happens. Of course it might not have been one of your kids but that's the risk you take in confronting this sort of thing.

[chubbycheeks]

well i checked the draw several times, it's not a cabinet drawer, it's in a butchers block type thing and the drawers can be opened by either side and come totally out .. so no luck there

my kids don't get pocket money, altho they are paid if they help with really big stuff so i'm not sure what i would dock.

i've sms'ed the mates mother to ask if he had any money while there, but i'm not sure if she'll know as she works, but she can always ask her boy after mine has gone home and then i can go from there if it was him and he told me no ..

i'm hoping, in a strange way, that maybe master 4 thought it was play and took it without realising and it'll turn up ..

i dunerstand what you mean rach and thank you marydean

he's a good kid, we have next to no fuss from him just eats A LOT

[Lulu]

I think it might be time for pocket money! Mr 13 is a big boy now and they do start getting independant.

My DD gets $20 per week, she has to feed cat, tidy room and unpack dishwasher 'cos she lives here. She pays for her own bus/rail ticket for the week about $11, so there's a bit over if she forgets her lunch or wants to get fish n chips with her GF's.
She has learnt to save it to buy movie tix etc. and is pretty savvy with it.
When she baby sits the kids she gets a bit extra, or I buy her a hair dye or something (she is 15 ).

There was actually a stage when she didn't get pocket money for months on end 'cos she kept forgeting to feed the cat. Now she never does and I'm usually borrowing money off her as I never carry cash!

Hey I just had two young boys at the door offering to mow the lawns or do weeding, I'm so darn impressed I'm going to get them to come back and do the driveway - their rates are very reasonable. They left a card with their mobile numbers and they are both 13!

Anyway JMHO!

[chubbycheeks]

yes i think you're right, i'm not sure where i'll find the extra money from tho, but i do see your point about independence, especially seeing as i'm not keen for him to work whilst in high school, but that may change as he matures more.

he does mow the lawn so i'll pay him for that. i wont pay for him to do basic living chores to keep his space clean or to help out as i personally feel that's part of being in the family and living here and what not, but yes, paid for the lawn will keep him going .. thanks for the suggestion

[Blixie]

There was a situation similar to this with me when i first moved in with my mum when i was 11, except the money kept going missing...

Mum asked everyone else (i'm the second oldest of 8 kids but there were only 6 of us at that stage) if they took the money and they said no, so one day i got home from school and mum went OFF!!! I had NO IDEA what she was talking about, she just kept yelling at me and telling me i was a theif and "no one else took it so it must have been you" and in the end my little sister (she was 9 at the time) was caught flashing around a whole bunch of money at the shop down the road, i got no apology or anything.

I'm not saying that you will handle it as patheticly (dont even know if that's a word) as my mum did, i'm just saying that sometimes its not what it seems

[DoubleK]

sorry to confuse you! i just meant my brother would have thought we wouldnt have noticed one 50 dollar note missing out of the pile.. he wouldnt understand the actual money value.. thats just the sort of kid he is.

i hope everything works out!

[Celsie]

Tricky... Have you thought about sitting your DD and you DS down at the table and speaking to the two of them at once?

Tell them that no-one is in trouble, but you know one of them did it and you need to know who. Also, you want the money back, as it belongs to their younger sibling and it's simply not fair... and in future, if they want extra money, perhaps they could do some chores or jobs around the house (weeding, mowing the lawn, dusting etc).

I think that treating them like adults is the best way to do it. And once you have the truth, be understanding. Being a teenager is such a hard time.

Celsie. xoxox

[Ca Plane Pour Moi]

Why assume it's the teenagers who are doing this? My sister was nicking stuff age seven onwards. It was bloody annoying as, when we grew older, my mother refused to let me have any locks - and TBH although I did buy a box with a padlock why should I keep ALL my money, my make-up, my good pens, my favourite books etc under lock and key hidden at the back of a wardrobe? And we BOTH got the lecture, even though it was known it was my sister, because we couldn't be treated differently. Why not, we acted differently!

She hasn't done for about a year, as far as I know, but if you ever buy yourself a treat and leave it lying - oh, I don't know, in a drawer in the bedroom - it will be half-gone the next week. So glad I moved out!

Anyway, just saying that it may be another of your children, don't blame teenagers automatically.

[Nadine216]

I'm with marydean. Tell the WHOLE family that the money is missing and it would be appreciated if the person responsible would just put it back. If not by the end of the week - confiscate something worth $10 of each. You could even confiscate something from the whole family (exept the b/day girl of course), just to make sure that you are fair.

As for the small change going missing - make a "game" of it with the smaller children. Buy a piggybank (that is sealed shut at the bottom) and teach the kids to throw the small change in there. That way they know what to do with money laying about the house. We had that as kids and I tell you, you had to really search our house to get a bloody 5c laying about!! At the end of the year (chrismas time) we would break it open and mom would treat us to ice-cream and a movie. I think she may have just added some $$ sometimes - a year's worth of car-change could not possibly pay for 5 wafels and 5 movie tickets ... could it?? *off to find jug for loose change - just as a experiment*

Good luck!!

[chubbycheeks]

Rosehip i didn't automatically assume it was him, it was him that wasn't home when it was noticed and after i had questioned everyone else, i have never accused him of it and wouldn't do so, i asked him yesterday and he said no, and the look on his face told me what i needed to know, that he didn't know it was there. as i've said before, he's a really good kid. i do understand your angst tho, my little brother was like that, my older brother is the same, nothing is, was or will ever be sacred unless it's theirs, hence why we don't go to stay over when we visit!

lol nadine, way back when we were babes and small kids in the time of dinosaurs (because apparently we're ancient now we're over 12!) movies tickets were a lot cheaper than they are now

thanks for all the feedback, i've decided to pay him some pocket money each week for mowing lawns, in winter he'll have to find another helpful thing to do as our grass doesn't really do much over winter and if he wants to earn extra money he can negotiate how much and for what

it's funny you should mention a money tin, DS2 and i were looking at them today ..

[briggsy's girl]

money tins are an awesome idea for encouraging kidlets (even the 40 year old ones) to save some money! about six weeks before Christmas DH and i decided to start throwing any stray $2 coins in a money box for when we had a weekend away just before Christmas - in 4 weeks, we had put over $70 in there! we have a mammoth money box that all 5c pieces get thrown in - no idea how much is in there so far, but it really doesn't take much time when you put it all in there!!

[Nadine216]

OM Gosh, cubbycheeks I just realised that that was 20 years back, 20 years!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am feeling like a dinasour now!!!!

[LiddlePixie]

When i was 6 or 7 i used to sneak into my parents room really early in the morning, comando crawl on the floor & raid my dad's pockets - I took everything from small change to $50 notes & stashed them under the front door 'welcome' mat... It was just a game to me... i kept it up for a month or so before i forgot about it. My mum finally swept outside & found over $400 under there, anyway.. the whole time i was doing it my older brother was being blamed for it... I probably would have confessed had i known but no one ever bothered asking me because i was the youngest.

Did you find out what happened to it?