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Thread: asking for money?

  1. #1

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    Default asking for money?

    i was thinking of having money instead of gifts for my wedding but awhile ago SIL was showing me one of her friends wedding invites and when she come to the money tree poem she said she thought it was tacky people asking for money.



    What does everyone think? What was or would be your reaction if u were asked to give a gift of many not a present (in a nice way)

    please be 100% honest. we would be looking to put the money towards some of our honeymoon.

  2. #2

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    I can honestly say I can't remember the last time I gave a present at a Wedding. Asking for money seems to be the done thing these days, I did & didn't get any negative feedback. There were family members who didn't want to give money & that's fine too they just bought a present. I had a present table with the wishing well (a big vase) on it & they could place a present or put the card in the vase.

    I think if people don't agree with it they should keep the opinion to themselves & bring a present.

    The way I see it, you are paying a heap of money for the day & feeding everyone, supplying their drinks, entertainment etc. So why can't you ask for what you want. Also many people live together before marriage as they didn't in the past so you already have a lot of things. Go for it, if you are not sure about the poem google it there are so many to choose from, or you could write your own.

    I suppose people like to know the money is going toward something decent. We bought a bed setting we plan to have for the next 10yrs & let everyone know that's where it went. If you are looking to put it towards your honeymoon you could get a honeymoon registry, that goes through the travel agent & they contact the agent & pay $$$ towards the honeymoon. Then they know you didn't just use it for spending money IYKWIM.

  3. #3

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    We asked for money at our wedding for a number of reasons. I had been living out of home since 19 and with DH for 4 years, so had most of the basic items. Also we were living in Vic and having the wedding is Tassie, so we did not want to lug presents back, also know one would know what we had or what our taste was. From what I can gather most people were fine with it, some even really liked it much easier than buying a present. My father though did prefer to give us a Myer voucher so we could buy something nice.

    Sorry can't remember what we said in our invite, but we did provide little envelopes decorated with our initials for them.

  4. #4

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    Oooh yeah I forgot to mention that too, I love putting some money in an envelope & not having to go shopping...I hate buying for other people.

  5. #5

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    My friend is getting married in Feb 08 and there was a card in it asking for money

    To save you looking, shopping & buying,
    here's an idea we hope you'll like trying
    Come to our wedding to wish us both well
    and make use of our little wishing well
    Just put some money into a card,
    now, make a wish...
    See, that wasn't so hard!
    Now that we have saved you all the fuss
    We hope that you will come
    and celebrate with us!!!
    I think its a great idea, its no different then putting in a gift registry card or asking them to pay for there own meal.

  6. #6

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    I don't think it's at all tacky asking for money. If you are worried about it being a little impersonal I would suggest telling people what you are putting the money towards. For eg, my friends just got married overseas and so they wouldn't have to bring back a stack of pressies they asked everyone for money 'to go towards their honeymoon.'

    I know it's not the same as a wedding, but for my DP's 30th bday, we asked everyone to donate towards a new BBQ that he wanted (we held a function with a 3-course meal, entertainment and drinks at a renovated pub). Even ppl who couldn't come sent us a small amount and we ended up getting as much as the whole night cost us. Afterwards, we bought the BBQ, took a photo and sent it to everyone in a thank you card. Maybe you could do something like that?

  7. #7

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    I don't think it's tacky either - as you said if it's done in a way that leaves the option open for people to buy a gift if they would like to. I know some "older" people have issues with it, my MIL doesn't like it but thats just her!

    We also had a wine cellar shower for our engagement party - we had everything for the house - having lived in it for 5 years and so we still now have some fab bottles of wine in our cellar! We also got bits and peices like openers, stoppers etc.

    We had a registry with Flight Centre for our honeymoon which we took 2 1/2 years after our wedding but the money there paid for our flights!

    Have fun with it and here is a recent poem we were given for a wedding this weekend- the groom wrote it

    Your presence at our wedding, is present enough, Dont worry what to buy us, we've plenty of stuff. We have a new house, that we've filled to the brim, crockery and furniture will no longer fit in, If its a gift you'd like to give us, On our special day, The gift of money for our honeymoon, would help us fly away. So a wishing well at the reception, we've decided to have, Place this envelope in it - We'd be grateful and glad!!
    Attached to a little envelope!

  8. #8

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    I just had an idea - the poem's great, Tan, btw - if you would include some details of the honeymoon, like where you're going and why, it might make it a bit more personal for ppl. So maybe include a pic of the destination and how you've both always wanted to honeymoon at the place because it's where you first kissed/he proposed/you grew up, or whatever!

  9. #9

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    I don't think it's tacky asking for money. It's easy for the guest and the couple can get what they need or want.

  10. #10

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    I don't know how to quote my poem in here LOL I'm not that smart. But if you PM I can send it to you if you want.

  11. #11

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    A honeymoon registry is a great idea. I would much rather give a couple money than give them their fifth toaster lol! I wouldn't worry about what others think, people will always have an opinion regardless and if they are so against it then they can buy you a gift.

    A recent wedding I went to had a wishing well with all proceeds going towards a home deposit!

  12. #12

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    We (DF and I) are having our engagement party this Saturday and instead of gifts, we've made a money tree (mostly just out of a minature christmas tree though :P)
    But our main reason for us to ask for it was because we don't wanna receive the same gift three times over.. And the fact that most of the people we've invited haven't got time to buy a gift as they're very hard workers, and that some of them have also just gotten back from a trip and just can't find the time to get a gift.
    Another reason we chose a money tree is because my DF just found out where he's working next year, and that cash can go towards helping set up our future and be a little less to worry about for us in the not so distant future.
    I dunno why, but I feel bad just asking for gifts unless its Christmas or my birthday.

  13. #13

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    We asked for money and we had a poem. We had been living together for a while already so we had all the house stuff we needed and didnt reallly need anything. Most people did give some money or a voucher but a few people still gave a gift. It worked out well. My sister thought it was tacky but she still gave us some money anyway.

  14. #14

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    While I understand the reasons behind the wish, there are some guests (call me old fashioned) that like to buy presents because they've chosen a special gift for the couple.
    I'm always happy to do it if that's what people want (like last Saturday), but there's nothing nicer, years after your wedding to get out something beautiful you recieved as a wedding present and reminisce...you know..to forever remind you of that day and that people who love you were there to help celebrate.
    Just a thought.

  15. #15

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    Here's a copy of the poem we used - Just on a little piece of paper the same size as a business card.
    We've been together forever - so nobody could think of what to get us!

    You will always get those who lke to buy a gift, which is why we started with that - If you word it properly, it shouldn't be offensive.
    In the end, I think if people are going to think its tacky, then they just will.
    You can't please everyone!


    'To support us on our special day, you may wish to follow tradition & bring us a gift.
    Alternatively, you may like to help us make our honeymoon a little more special.
    For this reason, we have chosen a wishing well.
    The wishing well will be at the reception where we can receive your best wishes and contribution.
    We look forward to you celebrating with us.'


    Good Luck!!!

  16. #16

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    I must be old-fashioned.....I'm not that keen on the idea at all. And I've never had anyone ask for money, just vouchers. But you know what, you'll never please everyone, so do what makes you happiest. I personally like to buy a gift for someone, or contribute to a registry like a honeymoon one, maybe you could do that, if the money is for the honeymoon anyway? And don't be surprised if some people give you a gift anyway, I know a number of people who do that because they refuse to give money.

    HTHs and enjoy your wedding

  17. #17

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    when we got married, DH and I had recently moved in together having both had fully established homes with two of almost EVERYTHING! so what we asked for was vouchers from Bunnings toward renovating our home - as well as vouchers, we still got some lovely presents, but not much in the way of "homewares" - more "pretty" things that are going to be a reminder of our wedding.

    out of the cash we received, we bought a video camera - and from the vouchers, we have painted the house inside and out (well, bought the paint, we're still working on the painting!), put up a fence out the front... we've been able to show where the moey has gone through the improvements in our home...

    personally, i'm reluctant to put money towards a honeymoon/holiday - or even to just give cash - friends of ours had cash which they'd told everyone was for a new fence - 2 years on, they still don't have the fence, and i know they spent it on groceries and things - i just think a wedding gift needs to be something they'll benefit from long term, so i can understand the "old school" people that would prefer to buy a gift... if someone asks for vouchers for furniture and things, no probs, i'm there, but if it's for a holiday, i tend to scope out the situation myself and buy them something appropriate...

  18. #18

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    At my wedding I didnt ask in the invite for money or gifts, I didnt even have a bridal registry set up. People asked what we needed, and if they wanted they could give us gifts, we also had a wishing well, at the reception, and people put their cards there. I thought this was a great idea, cause sometimes its hard to think about what you want, Goodluck I hope it turns out okay =) oh and also my older relatives didnt like the idea of the wishing well so bought us a gift lol.

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