hang in there lulu - its a bloody roller coaster aint it!!! and one we could do without. I often find myself shaking my head in disbelief at Laura wondering who on earth this child in front of me is. The mood swings do my head in as well. I do find she is worse when she is premenstrual.
I know this wont make it any easier to accept - but maybe a little easier to understand... Lets blame it on the lack of development in their frontal lobes, the part that enables them to be able to make rational decisions and choices. This part of the brain doesn't fully develop until their 20's....
some interesting reading
" ... compared to adults the teens' frontal lobes (the
seat of goal-oriented rational thinking) are less active and their amygdala (a structure in
the temporal lobe that is involved in discriminating fear and other emotions) is more active.
The teens often misread facial expressions, with those under the age of 14 more often
seeing sadness or anger or confusion instead of fear. Older teenagers answered correctly
more often and exhibited a progressive shift of activity from the amygdala to the
frontal lobes. The results suggest that "in teens, the judgment, insight and reasoning power of the frontal cortex is not being brought to bear on the task as it is in adults.
Teens just process information differently from adults. .... This
new research may also provide a compelling explanation for why adolescents often fail
to heed adults' warnings about such choices; they may simply not be able to understand
and accept arguments that seem logical and decisive to adults. It is also possible that
teens are misperceiving or misunderstanding the emotions of adults, leading to miscommunication
both in terms of what the teen thinks the adult is feeling and in terms of the
teen’s response. "
and some more...
"Inside the teenage brain
Teenage years are often a time of rebellion and conflict, but new research suggests our teens are not being obnoxious on purpose. A report in the August edition of GoodMedicine investigates the latest evidence that teens are effectively being held captive by their developing brains. The report delivers advice to parents on coping with the transformation.
“For many years scientists believed that the first three years of life were the most crucial for brain development,” notes report author, Sarah Marinos. “But researchers now believe the teenage years are equally as vital in the development of our grey matter.”
Far from being an established clump of cells, the teenage brain is a complicated work in progress.
It is still growing and neuroscientists believe this helps to explain some of the weird, wonderful and downright frustrating behaviour we often associate with teenagers.
Parents and the teenage brain
Realise that adolescents are not just a smaller version of adults. The adolescent brain is in transition.
Remember that adolescents’ frontal lobes are closed for construction. As a result, they are short on forethought, planning, consideration and impulse control.
Grab them by their emotions. If you want teenagers to learn, of if you want to communicate with them, make sure what you have to say is emotionally relevant to them.
Bombard them with positives. This is the age where motivation gets tricky. Use rewards and anything else you can think of to keep them intrigued with learning.
Never underestimate your power. Adolescents need someone around them, someone they may battle with, but someone who ultimately they imitate and emulate.
The report explains the reasons behind the lack of interest in conversation, the need to sleep-in (it’s not laziness), and angry outbursts."
I know it won't take away your frustration hun - it certainly doesn't take away mine - but it does sometimes help me in the midst of the arguements to stop, and remember that I'm dealing with someone whose brain is still "growing" so to speak. HTH.
laura - I remember that driving force and the insane jealousy over those older friends. I was determined to leave home and go it alone (especially since I knew everything ), but I just didn't sit around bitaching about it. I went out and got a job, I added to my twisted idea of a glory box so I had sheets and towels etc when I was 16.
I didn't want anyone to tell me what to do so bad I was the worst turd of all, but at least I fricken did it. I moved out at 16, paid my way with work, broke my parents hearts but at least the house was peaceful when I was gone.....and I've been trying to make it up to them ever since .
In any case I also know I'm finding hard to relate to her a little because she seems to be apathy all round. I didn't sit still when I was her age (although I always had my nose in a book like she does) it seemed there was so much to do. Ah well....
Tigger - those fact DO help, in fact it will be useful to revisit that post when the going gets tough
It wasn't that long ago that I was behaving EXACTLY like your DD. To a tee actually!!
The good news, my dear, is that SHE WILL GROW OUT OF IT - I absolutely promise you this!! I went through the princess "I'm entitled to everything but will give you nothing" phase and it lasted for a good two years. Nothing anyone said or did would have changed my attitude as I couldn't see past my own nose.
You will be happy to know that my Mum and I have the best relationship now. I love her and I respect her for all the times she said "No" to me and didn't meet my demands. We got through it together and you and your DD will too.
You know what I would do. Stop cooking meals for her etc.
If she doesn't think she should touch other peoples dirty dishes then why should YOU cook her meals?
Why should YOU wash her clothes. Why should YOU drive her places, give her money?
Is there anything on your shoppinglist you get that really you only get because you know she likes them? don't get it anymore.
Do you buy her toiletry needs? don't buy them anymore.. Well still get them but don't give them to her until she runs out & freaks out that you didn't restock the bathroom or where ever it is she keeps them.
When she starts complaining simply say in your most whinny voice possible while stomping your feet "WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO DO THESE THINGS FOR YOU?!" then storm off to your room, slam the door & turn your crappy teenybopper music up loud.
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), but I just didn't sit around bitaching about it. I went out and got a job, I added to my twisted idea of a glory box 
so I had sheets and towels etc when I was 16.
.
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