Im probably another one who's going to be shot for her views LOL but oh well here goes... although no one wants their children to drink until they are mature age (if 18 year olds these days are even mature anyway) but seeing as im still young i've seen the current generation and also i know from my generation teenagers REBEL... the more you dont allow something the more curious they get and the more they want to do it especially behind your back. Lots of mothers *think* they know their teenagers and their teenagers make their parents believe that they never do anything their not allowed to. Been down this road with my sister.. she swore black and blue she didnt drink at parties only water.. stupidly my parents believed her.. turns out she was doing acid. Some parents can be really neive. I know from personal experience when your told not to do something your going to do it as a teenager. I've seen it with my own eyes, i was allowed to drink from the age of 14 i would go to parties and cause i wasnt needing to rebel against anything i would quite happily sit and drink a few drinks and enjoy my night and then there were the ones who's parents explicity said NO to drinking who would majorly wipe themselves out be vomitting in the corner, making an arse out of themselves and losing their virginity. And this is at parties even with parent supervision. Either way, you can't wrap your child in cotton wool, they WILL drink with or without your permission, i just think if the trust is there they can do it responsibly and like i said there's alot of 18 year olds who are more immature than 16 year olds. This post isnt meant to offend anyone or start a fight.. just a pov from a younger gneration who knows what teenagers get up to in our era...
I'm just wondering.... do the parents even know that this is what the invite says? It's possible that the invite was entirely the work (and therefore wording) of the soon-to-be 16yo girl!
Don't worry - us oldies also got up to mischief so it's not a recent thing. I was in pubs at 13 - not a lot to do in our town! But I'd only ever have two drinks and thought it was ridiculous when my peers would write themselves off at parties. I don't think it's about age, it's about why people are doing it. I was actually a very responsible drinker pre-18 because I was around friends and didn't need to prove myself. Then when I went to uni with a whole bunch of new people, different story and although it was now legal, I drank STUPIDLY because I was shy and booze was a way to control my nervousness.
Actually, I think it's realistic. Any gathering of 16 year olds is going to end up with people drinking - that's today's society whether we like it or not. I think the parents are accepting that this will happen and enforcing a no sharing rule is a good idea.
Although, I probably wouldn't have put the BYO bit on the invitation. I probably would have simply put no sharing of alcoholic drinks and left it at that.
Well, presuming we're talking about alcohol some parents will 'allow' their kids to drink booze and others won't. The host parents seem to be saying kids can bring alcohol but they're not allowed to share it with other kids whose parents don't want them to drink.
So how is this going to work practically? Are the host parents going to monitor who came in with alcohol and who didn't? What if they see a kid sharing whose not meant to have alcohol? Who is held responsible if a kid gets drunk who promised their parents they wouldn't drink? Is it the hosts' 'fault', is it the kid who shared their alochol's fault or is it the kid who took the alcohol for breaking their promise?
Well not since the invitation makes it clear that they will. So that leaves parents with a choice - either my kid can drink and I facilitate that by sending them with booze OR I send them and tell them that even if a friend rocks up with booze they're still to say no because the hosts have said no sharing.
DH does security (occasionally) for a company that specialises in parties, the kids have their ID checked that the door, the get funky fluro wrist bands to indicate that they are on the guest list, there are strict rules for the consumption of alcohol. This company recommends that all parties are registered with the police.
Now, I have no issues with under-18s drinking, but I do have issues with under-18s being drunk (anyone being drunk tbh), and this would appear to be an "it's OK to be drunk" type of invite.
If there are 5 kids going then the "no sharing" thing may be OK, but to put it on an invite like that... hmm. I don't know, it just seems to be an alcohol party with no other activity. What happened to a weak punch and a sleepover, or a murder mystery game? Or a few songs on the CD player and people dancing and playing swingball in the garden? Can't you tell I went to wild birthday parties at 16 LOL.
IMO it is our jobs to be a pain in the a** to our teenagers. We need to set the boundaries because hindsight is 20:20. We've all been there and done that and seen that not everyone gets through the teenage years unscathed.
I know one girl who isn't having a 16th because her mum doesn't allow her to drink and knows that no one will want to come because there is no alcohol. Her mum always rings the parents before she goes to the party and does the drop off and pick up. Lucky they have good communication and the daughter has seen what her friends look like when they've had too much.
We've made it clear to our teenagers what we expect but no matter what state they find themselves in, no matter what time of night they can ring and we will come and get them. My dad's rule was you can drink but don't get drunk which, of course I did and then didn't feel I could ring him to get me coz I would get in trouble (teenage brain remember)
I was talking to friends that had only 3 people turn up to there daughters 16th because there was no drinking. They were totally happy with that, and I would be too. Which is why dd can go out to a resturant (top idea fionas!) with a few friends for her 16th. I would rather they do something more age appropriate than fall about watching friends throw up all night. Like learing to function in an adult evironment, by learning manners and social skills.
Why does drinking seem to be the only "rite of passage" into adulthoood??????
At least by putting it on the invite, they have made parents aware that there will be alcohol there - I would feel misled if there was always going to be alcohol there but I had not been informed about it.
I dont agree with it (underage drinking) by the way, and I come from a family where we were allowed to drink (a little) at family occasions, and and family friends' houses/parties since mid high school, so I guess 15 or so for me.
I neber got really hammered but I can remember som of the things I did and comtemplated doing well enought to not want my kids drinking underage IYKWIM.
In fact I think the legal drinking age in Australia should be raised..
Coming into this late but wanted to say I absolutely agree with you Lulu. I haven't made a secret of the fact that my DD has had her demons with drugs, and from all we're been through, I know alcohol was very much the gateway addiction for her.
I had parents who not only allowed us to drink underaged, but used to always say they'd rather we drank at home where they could keep an eye on us than outside where they wouldn't know what we were doing. Our home eventually became the place where all our teen friends came to get drunk. Since then, all my siblings have had our demons wih alcohol, as it was very much a part of our lives for so long and therefore 'normalised'.
I do not allow my kids to drink at home, but my older kids regularly went to friends' homes where those parents decided to usurp my parenting role by supplying them with alcohol. I don't think it's up to someone else's parents to set bounderies for my kids. It was also with this group of friends that my DD was introduced to marijuana, portrayed to her as an 'edgier, cooler' way to get high, and pretty soon it was all about looking for that bigger, better high, and down the slippery slope she went. Don't get me wrong, she holds much of the responsibility for her addiction, as do I, but I'm frustrated by the 'normalcy' with which alcohol consumption is viewed by many teens and their parents.
Now I know that not every child gets addicted, not every child will have problems with alcohol in later life, but there is definitely a frustration as a parent when you're undermined by other parents who insist this is 'just something kids do'. Speak to any parent of a drug or alcohol addicted child, and the idea of saying 'it's just what they do' sounds like a poor excuse for allowing something that by law, you're not supposed to allow.
Reality or not, making drinks available to kids, or even saying it's okay for you to drink here, normalises something that should not be normal at that age. If you believe it's the best thing for your family, then go for it, but please don't assume that it's the best thing for my child, and do not circumvent the boundaries I've put in place in the process.
Lulu I had my DD's 16th as a pool party (before the drugs), and 16 people turned up of the 16 I invited. I think any kid who doesn't turn up because you're not condoning alcohol is a kid you don't want around anyway. And as for this invite, if it was me, I'd speak to the parents and if they're allowing alcohol, I'd probably be having a long discussion with DD about why she can't go.
Last edited by sushee; February 20th, 2008 at 10:03 AM.
: adding
Who wrote the invitation? Was it the parent or the 16 year old? If it was the parent Mabe"no sharing" means they will leave the decision of who will be drinking up to the other parents. If it was the 16 year old, I think "no sharing" means I will get my hands on as much alcohol as I can for myself so I'm not sharing as I want to get blind drunk. Why are parents condoning illegal activity anyway? I know that 16 year olds drink, I'm sure I did, but not with the approval of my parents. Whats next, do the kids start pulling out their crack pipes and smoking and Mum and Dad say it's ok because everyone else does it and we like to see what our children are doing. I may be a bit harsh but where are the morals and values here?
I think it's a bit full on to be honest- it does ring a little like the implication is binge drinking. I am not against 16 year olds drinking in supervision as it seems sensible to me. But couldn't the parent's make a weak punch or something and everyone gets one or two glasses and that's it... I dunno- they would need all the parents to know about that too of course but at least they wouldn't be encouraging binge drinking.
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