thread: What should I do?

  1. #1
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2005
    Sydney, NSW

    What should I do?

    Hi, this is a follow on from my "HELP" post!! The teacher just called me regarding the problem at school today between DD and my friends son. My friend rang me this afternoon and said her son said DD lied and got him into massive trouble.
    ANyway, the teacher rang and said that wasn't true. It was a minor prob (kids lined up, DD went to teacher and said kid behind her hit her). Teacher asked child who said no. Im not sure who is right, but Im sure DD prob got knocked and may have reacted hastily who knows. Anway, teacher said she can barely remember the incident as so many kids complain of the same thing ALL day long every day!! Thing is she said it was AFTER that and TOTALLY unrelated to DD that my friends' son did get in massive trouble. She stressed nothing to do with DD. I was apologetic and said I didn't want to get involved but my "friend" had made a hurtful call to me. Teacher said that should never have happened.
    My question is, what do I say to this friend. I want to leave it, but she wants to know what happened. Do i tell her the above, and risk her going to teacher and making me look like a dobber or do I just say the teacher said it was a minor incident, why don't you talk to her.
    I don't want to have an enemy at school (she is the kind to make this a massive problem), but I don't want her son saying things to DD that his "mum" has told him (eg she's a liar etc).
    Sorry to crap on. Im just relieved in one way, and stressed in another. This woman needs to let her kid fight his own battles.
    Any advice???

  2. #2
    Jackie Guest

    I would probably tell her to talk to the teacher, it looks like her DS is making your DD our to be a liar. If it's like the teacher said, then maybe your friend will see that it is her DS making up stories and not your DD...
    I try not to get involved in my DD's squabbles with her friends or other kids in her class, they should fight their own battles within reason.

  3. #3
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    Kilmore Vic

    It wasn't really fair of your friend to make this a big issue. I think I would tell her too that you spoke to the teacher cos you wanted to sort it out and she seemed to think that it was an unrelated incident. Just to clear your dd's name and maybe allow your friend to work out what her ds is saying that is true and not true. We all like to believe our kids don't lie, but the majority of kids lie at some time or another. I hope your friend can realise that before it's too late for you to be friends.

    Cheers Mcihelle

  4. #4
    BellyBelly Member

    Jun 2003

    Wow this oculd have been me about 2 weeks ago and again last week!!! My DS is having big trouble at school at the moment with a friend who has been making up stories to get DS into trouble. Our big problem is that Jack won't say anything to help his own case ...

    Last week there were a group of boys playing football and they are not allowed to tackle at school, so must tag kids and once they are tagged they have to hand over the ball. Well Jack tried to tag another boy in his class and happened to accidently hit him a little too hard. Well Jack's friend and this other boy told the teacher Jack had just hit the boy for no reason. Jack stood back and took it all and said nothing until he came home that night and told me what happened. He was beside himself and I felt that I couldn't stand back and do nothing, so I made sure he understood that he had to be 100% honest as I was going to see the teacher. As it turns out he was 100% honest and the other two boys had lied to get him into trouble. The teacher sorted it out and Jack was okay with it all. The other two boys had to apologise in writing to Jack for lying and getting him into trouble and both the other parents went to complain. We have since had another incident where the friend of Jack's has lied to get him into trouble again (although this time Jack told a lie too and was disciplined for it!). I am at my wits end about what to do. i am even thinking of pulling Jack out of school because of this and moving him to another school.

    Anyway, that was a long winded response for me to say ...

    Tell your friend to speak to the teacher, say that as far as you know there was another incident but that you are not clear about all the ins and outs and then go from there.

    Good luck I hope things work out for you.


  5. #5
    BellyBelly Member

    Oct 2004
    Back in Brisvegas :)

    I agree with the other girls Meg. Speak to your friend and mention that you have discussed with teacher who advised these were in fact two separate incidents. Plus, that you would suggest she speaks to the teacher who was in fact the only adult present and can assist in explaining what went on during school with the children.

  6. #6
    BellyBelly Member

    Mar 2005
    Sydney, NSW

    Kelly, I felt the same, was wanting to pull DD out, but obviously that would not solve my problem. She would be so upset! But when things like this happen you just want your child to be happy and so the first thing that comes to mind is moving them.
    I hope the situation sorts itself out with Jack. The one thing I've realised is that all kids arent that different and if your child is going through that, there are others in the class in a similar situation.
    My friend ended up saying everything was fine and DD and her son had made up (news to me, DD wouldn't have known there was a problem). Anyway, what I think happened was that she spoke to the teacher, found out it was nothing to do with DD but didn't want to admit she was wrong, so she brushed it all under the carpet. I said to her at the time, it is best to let the kids sort it out anyway. That is all I said. Didn't tell her the stress and upset I suffered from it, as I decided she's the kind of person with whom there will always be a problem.
    I have since found out she doesn't talk to her sister, another friend, another fam member etc and I am NOT suprised. She obviously likes to make trouble.
    So thank you ALL for your replies. Much appreciated. And good luck Kelly xoxox

  7. #7
    BellyBelly Life Subscriber

    Nov 2003
    Kilmore Vic

    Yes I agree witht the changing school things too, that doesn't always help. Hopefully it works out ok.

    I'm glad you are aware of this friend webbmeg, and that you can avoid conflict
    Cheers michelle

  8. #8
    Registered User

    Jul 2005
    Rural NSW

    Beckibee said it well, I agree totally. I also keep out of my DD's battles (so far they've been very minor). Luckily DD "confesses" easily if she's in the wrong. However her occassional best friend is quite manipulative and I think she's learnt this from her mother so I keep my distance from her. Contacting the teacher occassionally is a good idea. Not about ever little issue but if you pick your moments then at least it shows the teacher you are switched on to what's happening in your child's day. I also agree that it would be a good strategy to tell the other parent who called you to contact the teacher... maybe if you see her afterward at school you could ask her if she'd spoken to the teacher and see if she has the decency to apologise!