my dads birthday is on the 17th too ha ha ha and yeah my dad and i are both sagaterius. we usually put our tree up on the 1st dec but we just couldnt wait so we put it up the other day. as for depression i am pretty sure there are some anti depressants that you can take that are safe while ttc ( i think there is but not quiet sure) just have a good old talk to your gp and tell them what your councellor said and try and work out something that you can take that is safe whilst ttc.
that is so good that your dad is going to take harvey for you guys so you can get out for a while, i really hope you have a lovely night, its always nice to go out everynow and then.
that is so funny how our dads birthdays are on the same day weird ah we do have alot in common dont we. i have just been looking on the net about depression as my councellor said there is a test you can do where you answer a few questions to see if you have it or not so i have done about 5 tests and all came back that i have depression i just for some reason dont want to believe it and feel like i dont want to tell anyone does that make sense. but i will speak to my docs i just hate taking pills like anti depresants as i no people can get addicted to them and i really dont want to be dependant on tablets. Also my dad is really good he has harvey alot for me and he has my sisters 2 girls at the same time they love it he takes them out for pizza then they watch a film go to bed and then he takes them for a big walk around the woods so its nice he usaly does it once a month i dont no alot of grandads that will have 3 grandchildren on his own cos my mum and dad are not together people think my dad is great for having them it sounded weird calling him grandad then dont no why i think its cos he is only 44 so quite young to have 2 daughters ages 27 and me 23 and then 3 grandchildren anyway i am babling about nothing again sorry what am i like anyway i had really bet get back to work i have loads of customers to chase up but i really cant be bothered to do anything speak soon.
yeah we do have alot in common dont we he he he. when i found out i had pnd i told no one, i was ashamed and very embarressed about it all, still to this day alot of my family dont know about it, and i was the exact same way about the tablets, i really was not a believer when it came to depression and tablets, i hated knowing that i needed to be on tablets, it made it feel so much more real and serious but the good thing is THEY WORK and they wouldnt give them to you if you really didnt need them, and i too was worried about being addicted and stuff plus the possible side effects they might have on me, but honestly everything was so much better once i was on the tablets, i never got addicted to them the only side effects i had were some headaches but hey i had them before i started taking them so it made no difference, and they way i tried to look at it was that i wasnt going to be on them forever, only just for now till i give my body a chance to sort it out, bacause depression is an illness which alot people dont know that, my gp told me once " its like having a broken arm just you cant see it) its a hormonal imbalace in your brain, you havent given this to yourself it has just happend, your body has been through sooo much over the last year or so and this is its way of telling you.
no matter what my sweet, i am always here ok i will be by your side every step of the way
hello hun i feel so crapy today i told dh about the depression thing and he said well your cant be that depressed about your life so that comment just made me angry and i said how do you know but i felt like he wasnt believing me and it makes me think well maybe i am not maybe i should just see how i get on by myself i dont know ever since my concellor has said it i have been in a funny mood i think i always thought i could have it but now someone has actually said it it makes it feel more real i sat on sofa last night having a think about what sort of person i am at the min and i am deffinatly more moody i get irratable short tempered with everything very very sensitive starting to avoid certain things like my christmas party at work feel down about my weight and the way i look i could go on all day and when i looked it up on net it is all signs of it i am gonna go docs today and see if i can bring it up i feel like this week i have been worse but then i am due on which doesnt help i just want to sort myself out for harvey as i shout at him when he is not even do anything that bad and i am getting annoyed at him for things that didnt used to bother me and then i feel guilty for shouting and want to cry cos i feel like a bad mum its such a visous circle. Thanks for been there for me to talk to its noce when someone understands i just feel like i am on my own with this and no one really cares. i just want to be how i used to be a happy bubbly person what like to have fun and enjoy life and i was so layed back.
oh my sweetness i really wish i was there to give you a huge warm hug, i think its a great idea that your going to the doc today, hopefully he will be able to help you by either putting you on meds or suggesting something else. But i believe that us women are pretty clued on to when there is something not right with our bodies and just like you i knew there was something not right, i was far from my normal self. i was always cranky and tired and just plain annoyed with everything and anything so i sort of knew something was wrong but was scared to really do anything about it, in the end it took me 6mths to do anything about it but honestly i was so much happier when i got things sorted out and i look back on it now and think why did it take me sooooo long to do something about it, you know what i mean????
i truely think your an amazing woman, you are doing the best thing for you and your family by going to the doctor and getting things sorted out. As for your dh maybe you should sit him down and have a huge heart to heart with him and tell him absolutely everything so he can then understand why you are stuggleing. Please dont ever doubt in your mind that your a bad mother cos you are not, you are a loving and tender mother and i can tell that just by the way you talk about harvey, and honey its ok if you lose your temper, we all do it we are only human, as a parent we all get pushed to some point so please dont worry, but darl what you have gone through in the last year or so has been big and its very much life changing to lose brooklyn would of been devastating and then you started facing the ttc journey which in its self can brake any strong woman down cos its god damn bloody hard, so you have had to deal with ttc plus the loss of your gorgeous little girl brooklyn, my god sweetie you are amazing and dont you ever doubt that.
ok i will stop talking now otherwise i will keep going on, i hope i havent upset you thats the last thing i want to do is make you cry, just really wanted to tell you that you are one of the strongest women i have ever met and i look up to you.
please sweetie let me know how you go with your doctor today i will be thinking of you
thanks for the kind words you choked me up i am trying my hardest to hold back the tears as i am at work you are so right we do no when something is wrong and i just want harvey to have a nice mummy not one who shouts at him all the time cos he doesnt deserve it he is such a good little boy i am so proud of him. its weird you saying i am amazing woman and that cos believe me i dont feel like that not one bit i find it hard when people say good things about me even if dh says you look nice i will say to him you are only saying it to make me feel better poor bloke. i think i will talk to dh after christmas as he has to exams coming up in december and dont want to reuin his christmas so i might see if docs can give me some tablets and just keep it to myself for a while i hate putting my problems on people i am the person where people always come to me not the other way round thanks for understanding i just cant seem to find anyone who understands at the min in my head a feel alone i think i am gonna try and get a laptop asap so i can come on hear when i am at home that way if i want to cry i can. well i will let you know what docs say but i will have to tell you monday as i dont work fridays so will let you know i just hope they can sort me out some way or another i wish i had a magic wond and make everything ok anyway thanks again hope your day is good and that i havent put a downer on things take care honey.
i finally got an appintment at docs they were so busy anyway i saw a lady doc i usally see this man doc who is great but this lady was even better i feel a bit down at the moement so nothing new there i got my results from my blood test to see if i was ovulating and she said it came back saying i am not but they took the blood on day 21 of my cycle and cos my cycle is every 32 days she said they will do another one at day 25 as they could have tested to early i really hope that i am i couldnt stop crying when i got home keep thinking that i wouldnt be able to have any more children which sounds stupid but i was feeling emotional also they are getting my dh to do a sperm test to rule that out and they have put me on anti depressants called citalopram which should help as well so i am glad that there are doing things so rule things out also i am 2 days late which is weird as i have been on time the last 2 months i was gonna do a test but thought what was the point if i didnt ovulate although i could of later on i will probably come on in the next few days my head is everywhere at the min. i hope i am not rambling on after the docs i went to see my best mates nephew he was born at 27 weeks and is in speacial baby care unit he weighed at birth 2lb 1oz he is so lovely yet so tiny i just bought back the memories of brooklyn and how small she was and seeing all the other babies in there there was a little boy born at 24 weeks and was starved of oxygen for 5 min and is now brain damaged it was so heartbreaking been in there i felt so much for the parents very sad. anyway how you going with everything hope you are good.
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