It is very scary. I was extremely scared to ttc after two m/c in a row but I knew I wanted a baby so there was only one thing to do and that was to take the plunge. Luckily it was third time lucky for us and our baby boy is now 4 weeks old. The first 12 weeks were so scary but when I held Sam in my arms for the first time it made it all worthwhile. Sometimes we have to do things that scare us, like rollercoasters, they scare the daylights out of us but we go on them over and over again because we want that feeling that you get when the ride ends. Your ttc ride might be bumpy like a rollercoaster but be confident that it will have an exciting end... best wishes and please keep believing.
Thankyou AJC they were great words!! I am usually very strong and positive but it's still obviously very worrying. I know I am not alone and I will be a Mum one day soon.. I do not plan on giving up that easily ,think I just need some words of wisdom from ppl like yourself that have come thru it and had a healthy baby. Big congrats to you on Sam. Sounds like you are over the moon and I am very glad you have him...
lou
Hi Looben, so sorry to hear of your loss it is such an awful thing to go through.
With my first pregnancy i too had a scan at 7 weeks due to some slight spotting, all was well and our baby had a strong little hearbeat. i was told not to worry about any future bleeding unless it was a huge amount. When i started spotting again at 8 weeks i ignored it, thinking all was fine but as the days went by i just knew something was wrong. I finally managed to be re-scanned again at 10 weeks only to find that the heartbeat had stopped at 8 weeks. I went on to miscarry naturally (big mistake) but then needed a d&c anyway due to some remaining tissue.
Doctors etc can be very insensitive and you should not have been treated that way! TTC again after a loss is very tough and doesnt get any easier. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of one day, i will be holding my baby in my arms and i think that makes all the heartache worthwhile. I am determind that this will not beat me and i will get my baby, i am sure you will too!!
Hi Loobden,
Our stories are a bit simmilar. I was on maxillon as I had terrible morning sickness. These tablets made me feel really strange and I was still not keeping anything down so I went to the local ED. The doctor there gave me an ultrasound and the baby measured 7w6d and had a great heartbeat. The doctor told me to stop taking maxillon and gave me another tablet called zofran that many people have taken during pregnancy.
I went for my 12 week u/s yesterday and the baby only measured 8w3d and had no heartbeat. Like you I have gone the past month thinking I am pregnant (although I did have my doubts. I couldn't feel my uterus, my boobs hadn't grown and my m/s stopped at 9 weeks).
I am booked in for a D&C on Thursday. I chose not to wait it out or to have it bought on medicinally, I just want it over and done with and move on.
This baby wasn't planned but it didn't mean it wasn't loved. We will try again in the coming months, and although I feel a bit apprehensive and so so scared I just want to try this one last time. If anything happens then that will be it.
Good lick with your next pregnancy, hopfully all goes well.
I am so sorry about the way you were treated - you have gone through such a traumatic series of events around your m/s which has made a harder situation even more difficult to process. I had a m/c in Sept 08 at 9 wks and must admit I was surprised at the lack of information and the vague follow up that resulted - I had a complete m/c that did so of its own accord. I felt absolutely raw for the next few months and I found I was also very angry and kept trying to find anchors for that anger to fasten ontp (not sure if I was looking for 'something' to blame or if that was just one of the stages of grief but it was sure there).
I had a couple of weird cycles before January and I think there sometimes are things that need to 'work out' of your system before you can get back to where you were - in my case this seemed true. I think it may depend on your circumstances. Many people go through the m/c process of creating memorials (it may be symbolically planting something, burying an item or a spoken ceremony) - my DP and I actually buried our little one - and for many people this seems to help release the pain and bring a sense of that situation to a resolution. Like yourself, many people write down their stories and find the physical act of doing so and the emotional and mental process you go through to put it into words again releases and appeases what we have been through and what we feel.
I found for myself - I will never forget my little one - but I needed to create a sense that each TTC cycle that followed had nothing to do with the previous experience - I suppose in the same way that we do not treat children the same as each other but respect that each has a right to its own identity. If I can hang on to that sense then that means this pregnancy I now have has nothing to do with my previous pregnancy (I have changed a lot of the circumstances of my life since then) and that fears linked to what happened back then are irrelevant - I'm not saying I've achieved this - but this is what I am always consciously working towards. This is where I needed to personally end up before I could move on.
I hope something here may be of relevance to where you are at the moment - but you have been through so much, you and your partner and you deserved much better.
I send every blessing that you find the answers you want and need.
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it is such an awful thing to go through.
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