Dellydo: Tears rolled down my cheeks as I read your reply....Thank you momma..
I don't feel like I'm strong.. when hubby left this morning Erick came to my bed and snuggled next to me.. as I saw him smiling in his sleep I realized how big he is... he will be 4 on Dec 16th..my preemie son..who ever thought he was so tiny a mere 4 pounds when he came to this earth??? in what seems like yesterday...then I started thinking about this baby... my babies.. how my family would have been complete, 4 children giggling and running around loose in my apartment. I started sobbing. I opened a drawer I have..where in it lies all the little onesies hubby so excited got for me along with some cute baby shoes and socks..that were for this baby.
I had the ultrasound there.. for those who never saw my baby here is the u/s pic..
http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...yofOurBaby.jpg
going back to that day I was 7 weeks..The baby was head down and OMG I saw her move.!! It was more like a little quick jump I guess... I thought I was 6 weeks and my god did I cry that day!! of joy..cried so much the doctor couldn't hold her tears..which had me cry-laughing. that amazing heartbeat of 143 BPM..turned to static that horrible day when I was 11w1d.
this pic was of my belly I that day.. I was a bit bored before hubby picked me up to take me to the u/s place and I decided to take a few pics to show off along with the u/s when I came back...
http://i241.photobucket.com/albums/f...11picasa-1.jpg
unfortunately.. you know the rest.
The day of my D&C ...when the doc was putting the meds to make me sleep in my IV I remember looking down @ my belly and saying "GoodBye baby.. I love you and miss you" then everything went black..when things started to come back.. I felt empty. So empty.. I touched my already sunken belly and just cried and cried and still cry today..and right now I'm crying.
I never thought in the world this was going to happen again I was so confident I had really kicked infertility butt!
But.... all in all.. I want to thank you.. and all my girls here.. for being there for me. You all know what I went through and talking about this.. I found this site where you put your angel baby's info and it has a lit candle for your baby always... mine is at the very bottom and you will see my name in it ( Ruthie..)
Angel baby mommies..if you want put your baby there.... it is very sweet..go to the candle room in the menu to the left and there you will find it
Melissal: Myheart goes out to you..please knwo you are among friends here and I being one of them ♥ As you see I too am in your same shoes.... and everyone's here...and this poem is for you and for all here:
A Pair of Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some woman are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so they don?t hurt quite as much.
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.
Momof3boys: You have yourself a friend in me. ♥
Smi: LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU GIRL!!!! ♥ (hugs)
HannahD: Thank you dear friend!! ♥ you!
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