rach78...... You will have your set back hun..... you will have days when the fog has cleared or is clearing... and other days when you can not seem to see because the fog is so strong...... This set back is probably brought on by AF...... when we put so much thought into... "i would feel better if i was pregnant again" ... and then cycle after cycle we arent pregnant..... it hurts hun... really hurts..... then we put pressure on ourselves to be pregnant before the EDD (expected due date) of our angels..... and then if that doesnt happen even more pain.
Try and just work through One Day At A Time hun..... dont try and justify the pain... or put goals out there that we have no control over.... just be hun..... just be. Be happy.. be sad.. be cranky.. be frustrated... be pi$$ed off.... Just Be... whatever it is you are feeling just let it be.
And remember something.... every single one of these amaizing ladies in here has been through what you have been through.... I lost angel twins myself.... we understand where you are at... and you can say and ask anything you want.... if you dont want to post then you are more than welcome to send a PM. You are also welcome to look through the web site below if that helps at all........I know it helped me to look at other peoples memorial sites... i cried a lot... and then cried some more... but it helped... its under the text where it says angel babies angel babies......
Mollycat....It was good yesterday... I laughed so much.... I completely understand trying to do the bolt... in honesty.. i would have done the same thing....I know deep inside that one day it will all be alright.. one day I will be able to hold a baby and not want to cry.... but until that day arrives.... i ll high tail it out of any situation I possibly can...
Angel - thanks. I guess I just needed that justification. What's really bizarre is that in a couple of weeks time I have a little one starting that was born just before mine was due. I know it's not going to be easy, watching this one grow knowing mine should have been "doing this or doing that" at the same time. Her mum is absolutely wonderful, she has lent me her shoulder many times over the past ten months. She brings her in now and lets me play with her and I don't have a problem with that (at the moment).
Rach78 - Angel's right - one day at a time. It's all we can do. As you can see by Angel's signature and mine, we've been here a long time, waiting for our miracle to happen. Remember there is no right or wrong way to grieve and no one here will blame you if you laugh, cry, or sob (or have an angel ugly cry) it's all normal. We're all here for you - at any time.
I hope everyone doesn't mind that I pop in so much. The truth is that I still understand everything you all have been thru and are currently going thru - those feelings will always be raw unfortunately for me even tho I have been blessed with a life inside me - I don't think I will ever forget them.
Having said that....
Rach - COMPLETELY UNDERSTANDABLE wanting to be pregnant to help fix the void that your angel babies have left in your heart. The pain is so real that it's almost palpable. The frustration of wanting to get pregnant "yesterday" and still not being pregnant is so very difficult. I used to lie in bed at night and just concentrate so hard that a baby would just magically be in my tummy - crying silently so that my DH wouldn't hear me. I'm here with tears in my eyes just remembering the futility and hopelessness I felt at those times. I was so angry with the world and didn't understand why it had to be ME that went thru this pain. I had my really bad times and then my "i can get by" times, I was never truly happy. People would tell me not to think about things too much but it was an all-consuming thought, pre-occupation, obsession - there was nothing else I wanted to think about. What you are experiencing is real and you should allow yourself to feel it with no limits and certainly with no time limits. Take all the time you need sweet and stay here as long as you need. The girls here are just so wonderful and very dear. Chin up hun - u WILL have your little one.....
Mollycat - hun, don't beat yourself up about bolting and don't feel guilty for any negative feeling you may feel in the future. I don't think one can ever get over a m/c completely - things only become more manageable. I was surprised that I started tearing up when posting to Rach above. Goes to show that you can be UTD (and it's not my crazy hormones making me cry) and still feel those feelings - they sneak up on you when you thought all was ok. Big hugs sweetheart - i think your tops!
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