Thanks Amy - I hope your right about me

As for you SIL - I think you should tell her yourself either in person or on the phone. Dont even tell dh that you have told her - I think she would appreciate you telling her first and in private. You can tell that you are really sorry for her loss and that you want to tell her to give her some time before you make a big annoucnement to the rest of the family. Im sure you know her best and know how you should tell her - but I really think that she would appreciate that you have gone to an extra effort to try and not hurt her feelings atm. Does that make sense?