TTC after Miscarriage or Loss ~ October 07

[STARRYSKY]

8:31 exactly, I knew you were gonna end up witha bfp.

[Beaksie]

Yeah Yeah. BTW. Why is it that you only pop up in THIS thread, when I leave it?? Trying to deliberately torment me? Obviously you're psychic and know when Im about to strike!
Where are you in your cycle btw? And hows it going?

[STARRYSKY]

well, my second af after my mc has just ended last week, so I am upping the bding for this week and next, I dont chart or temp or anything, I dont want to get too obsesive about it iykwim?
We tried for 18 mths before to get pg, the one we lost, dp is keen on having a bub but doesnt want to really know all the nitty gritty technicalities involved. men!!
Last time, I wasnt that worried about getting pg at first, but then the longer it was, the more bloody heartwrenching it became, I felt like I was losing a baby every time I had af!
I dont think I can do that to myself again, I dont think my sanity will hold out.
I am soooooooooooo excited for you still........

[Beaksie]

I think you need to contain yourself here(lol). Very very early days.
I know what you mean about how hard it can be.I know how lucky I am to have DD, but it doesnt make it any easier to lose a preg. After DD was born, I wrongly assumed the bad crap was behind us, and went into my last preg relatively relaxed. As you know though, once its happened once you cant take being preg for granted. I know my next preg, whether that be this cycle or not, will be hard going. You seem to be knicker checking constantly and evey niggle sends you into a panic. I do believe its a numbers game though, like I said to you before. For me it was thrid time lucky, and Im hoping next time it will be one I can bring home.
As for you, YOU WILL stay sane, cause I said so, and whenever you feel like having a mental breakdown, you only have to remember, you cant be as mad as me! That should be comfort enough.
Just curious....how old are you??
Just noticed in your signature, you actually miscarried on my little girl's 1st bday. Odd.

[STARRYSKY]

well it was a missed miscarriage, that was the day I found out, my first scan, I was so excited, then my world fell apart.....
I am 27, if I get pg again it will be 3rd time lucky for me too.( check out the spiritual look at loss thread to find out more if you want)
I have been feeling nauseous yesterday and today, I know its like waaaay to early but the thought still springs to mind even though I know I prolly havent even ovulated yet, crazy isnt it!
it that a recent photo of you?

[Beaksie]

It was taken in May. There are a couple more pics in my gallery. Youre just like me. My last loss was a missed mc and I found out at a scan at 9wks. Worst thing was, during my preg with DD I had a scare with a lot of pain, and my ob did a scan at about 7wks to set my mind at ease, afterwards telling me that you HAVE to bleed to have a MC. So anyway, I was going along all fine and dandy with no inkling anything was wrong BECAUSE I hadnt bled. Not happy Jan. Was a total shock. At least (if I can say that) with the other 2 there was bleeding, so I was forewarned iykwim. More of a chance to mentally prepare myself, instead of finding out via a scan, and being totally floored.

[STARRYSKY]

It was a shock for me, but I did have afeeling that something wasnt quite right, I had a little cramping which everyone told me was completely normal, just the uterus growing etc, then at the hosp, when I told them that they were like "yep, thats a sign" no bleeding whatsoever, they said the sac was only measuring 4-5 wks, witha yolk still there, strangely my ms only kicked in at around 6-7 weeks, my boobs still hurt, was just so confusing iykwim?
Your daughter looks gorgeous I bet shes a lot bigger now! they grow too quick.
my mum only ever had one mc and that was because she fell pg with a iud, she had 4 kids by the time she was 22, I feel like a freak of nature cos of what happened, never evr entertained the thought that it would happen to me, mind you I never ever thought I would get pg at 16 either...

[Beaksie]

I've had that "feel like a freak thing" plenty of times as well. Apparently MC is supposed to happen about 1 in 4. Good and well. But when I started to think about it Ive got my sis, 2 sil, 4 good friends (which is 7) that have all had kids in the past few years and NONE of them have had even I mc. I on the other hand have had 3, so statistically Ive had everyone's share. Not that I want any of them to go through it, but i do have those why me, its so unfair etc type of days. And you just dont get it unless its happened to you. Anyway enough of this talk, we need to try to focus on the positives, and keep each other boosted when we're feeling all whoa is me.

[STARRYSKY]

too true beaks!!
so what have you decided to do? test tomoz with fmu? go to doc and get a bt? should I not ask incase I drive you batty?

[Beaksie]

Already batty, nothing can change that. I will test with FMU. Dont want to go to the docs unless I have a definite BFP, and this may take a few days yet. Im pretty nervous about testing, evenn though I know I have to. Anyway, will let you know tomorrow. For now Ive gotta go, but will be in in the morning. Talk then....night. PS. Have PMed you, hope you dont mind.

[missbelinda77]

Beaksie - I hope you wake up and get a nice strong BFP with your FMU. With my 1st pregnancy I tested 9 times, but all with the same type of test, so I'm not sure what I was hoping to achieve lol

[sweetpetite]

Beaksie: First let me say

Second, I really think we must be living parallel lives (do you hear the Twilight Zone theme?). The same thing happened to me re: no bleeding for the longest
time during my last mc. I thought the bad stuff was behind me too - after all, I know someone else who had 2 mc but went on to have 2 healthy girls. I
thought that would be me (hoping it still will be! ). Sounds like you have 2 bros & 1 sis. Too weird. Tell me, are you also the oldest? Just curious how far this Twilight Zone thing goes! My mom told me this last time about how 3 of 4 pgs end up in mc. So I want to know, how is it that she has 4 kids out of 5 pgs and I have 1 out of 4? My sister had 1 mc and one of my SIL's had 1 mc but all the rest are mine. Each of my bros and sis have 2 kids plus mine so that's 7 kids and 5 mc's - 3 of which are mine. Now how fair is that? Not that I wish an mc on anyone - ever. I'd just like fewer for me too! So, on a purely selfish note, since we seem to be living parallel lives, you must now get yourself a sticky one so I can too! But seriously, best wishes for a BFP very soon! And btw, what a cutie you have!

LSB: I have often thought about just what you said about appreciating your little one so much more. I know most moms love their kids with all their hearts but I really feel like I have such a very, very special one. I have infinite patience with her (okay, so far - she hasn't hit the terrible 2s & 3s yet!). I never complaned while pg w her and I don't complain now about misbehaving or getting me up in the middle of the night on occasion. I just feel so lucky to have her, how could I? And, yes, my DH can really be a tool sometimes (you cracked me up with that!) - can't they all? But he's going to at least let me try and I really can't ask for more. I agree that sometimes you just have to kind of keep them in the dark
about the tracking. That's part of the reason I can't temp - but hopefully my little predictor kit and staying calm about all this will work anyway.

Annabelle: Welcome! I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you'll be moving to PAML before you know it! And you are right, the innocence is gone forever which is
very sad indeed. But littlescottishboy is right too - when you do eventually have one (and you will), you will appreciate him/her in a way that someone who has not been through this could.

to all!

[AnnaBelle]

Good morning ladies,

Hi Beaksie for you today!!! That would be so great let us know asap!

STARRYSKY & bunny's mum - Isn't that weird that we were going through the same thing pretty much on the same day - that is what's so good about bb having someone to talk through this who is going through similar emotions at exactly the same time.

Oh yes & how over are you hearing about other people announcing pregnancies - I am genuinely happy for them but I get this little twinge in my heart too !!
I was told a relative on my DH side is preg (on the pill & total accident!!) & what I can't get over is they are telling the world and she is only due in June !!
How early is that !! I am just astounded cause I know that so much can happen in those first few weeks as you all do !! Actually we did not tell a soul until we had the mc - we were going to tell everyone at 12 weeks - ON father's day - but not to be - we have told only a few people about the mc for support but that is all.

sweetpetite - thanks for your lovely words & encouragment - look forward to talking more with you someitme.

Hope you all have a good day today whatever you are doing - chat soon
Anna
x

[Beaksie]

Thanks girls for the good luck wishes. It's great to have your support.
I tested with 2 different tests using FMU today and 2 BFNs
Im now on 5 days past AF, so as you can imagine pretty bloody frustrated. Dont know what to think about the BFP I got yesterday, perhaps it was just a much more sensitive HPT. Have now decided Im not going to test again til Monday (assuming AF doesnt arrive of course). If I have no AF or BFN by then I'll go to the doc. I was trying to remember. Pretty sure I didnt get a BFP with DD until over a week late, and then it was so faint that the doc wouldnt believe me and insisted on bloodtest that came back BFP!
Any hoo, tired of the disappointment od BFNs, not to mention the expense! Really relly will be surprised if AF still shows. Im just not feeling it iykwim. Ok stop obsessing, must be more patient.

SP- Hi. Thanks for the wishes. Ive got a younger brother and older sister. My sisters in law are DPs sil, and sis.Make sense? Sorry about your missed mc. You just cant imagine it will happen to you.

[Beaksie]

Anna-thanks for the crossed fingers, I can use all the luck going around. (Cant we all?) Don't you love how the ones who tell the world are the one's who never strike a prob? Wait a minute. Strike that. Made no difference to me when I did it first time around (lol)

MissBelinda- Testing 9 times?? How long did it take to finally get your BFP??

Starrysky - Morning sunshine. Have a good one!

[treelo]

Morning Ladies, ok im fired up for lots of personal, so lets see how i go !!!!

Zionsmum - Im so sorry hun that your cycle is giving you so much grief. I hope it sorts itself out soon. Sending you load of cyber hugs.

Wowzer - Oh you must be so excited with the wedding !!!!! Im sure your day will be just perfect and perhaps you can create a honeymoon baby !!!!

Beaksie - Fingers crossed that its just too early hun, im really praying hard that you get your BFP in the next few days, you sooooooooooooooo deserve it !!!

Starrysky - I know exactly where your coming from with the negative thoughts hun and i think it's completly normal for us to feel a little angry and cheated. Im going through it right now with my best friends 18 yo daughter. Hang in there sweety.

BW - Im so sorry about the embies hun. I dont know what else to say except that you know that we are all here for you, cheering on TEAM BW!!!! Anytime you need us hun, we are right here.

LSB - I hope your traveling ok hun, sending you loads of best wishes and baby dust.

Annabelle - Good luck with the temping, your a brave woman !!! i just cant remember to do it before i get up !!!!!!

Bunny'smum - hi and i have my fingers crossed that you will be pregnant very soon hun.

MissBelinda - Hi sweety how you doin??? sending you lots of hugs

Well i have been having a little rest from posting as i was just getting my self down and it was really doing my head in, but im on track now and looking forward to hopefully seeing af dissapear for 9 months. Im determined not to test as i dont see the point, we only BD twice and i dont think the timing was the best so ill just wait to see if AF shows...

hugs to anyone i missed
treelo

[butterfly_warrior]

Thank you, treelo.

I'm doing ok, I think. It's going to be a rough few weeks until we find out what the next step is. Things will become clearer in due course... meanwhile I'm just going to rest up and wait patiently... more work on the head stuff as my FS puts it.

Will probably be fairly quiet for a while during this stage.

BW

[STARRYSKY]

morning- or sould I say afternoon everyone?
boo hoo beaksie, get thee to a doc asap! do you have any other symptoms? did you have any with dd?

treelo! so nice to see you! I was getting a bit worried about you, thankyou for the sympathy, it is so nice that we come here and be understood.

BW- totally understood sweetie, we are all here thinking of you and wishing you all the happiness in the world.

annabell- tis a bit weird! makes you wonder....nah I wont go there!
have a great day ladies, I am really hoping I can do this this month, catch the eggie and make it stick that is,
xxx