Hi ladies,
I thought I'd pop in quickly to give an update. Am down in Sydney - DH is on conference for 2 days, and then we've got time to do our own stuff towards end of the week. Meanwhile, I'm taking it easy in a motel room - brought the laptop with me - hence the quick post now.
Firstly I just want to say thank you for everyone who posted their encouraging words & best wishes in response to my posts on Sunday (after my very faint BFP).
Although I took another test on Sunday later in the day and it showed up an even fainter line, unfortunately I haven't had a positive result since Sunday. I tested again this morning with FMU and no line - not even the faintest shadow! I definitely think that Sunday's result was a positive, but I guess I've experienced a chemical pregnancy. I am definitely sad about it, but because DH & I looked on the first tests cautiously, I guess it's not as hard to pick up the pieces & move on, hoping for a better outcome next month. AF hasn't showed up yet, but my temps have been down since Saturday (when I started spotting), and they haven't gone up at all, so I'm anticipating AF is on her way still. I'm not going to test again until Thursday, but I'm pretty convinced this isn't my month. I guess this highlights the risks in testing too early, as we're more at risk of identifying a 'positive' pregnancy that just won't be viable - if I hadn't have tested on Sunday, I would still be thinking that this again wasn't my month. I had a dream last night that two doctors were doing all these exams on me in an attempt to save my unborn baby - I don't recall whether the baby survived, but I remember the contraptions that they were examining me with, and they were horrific (a bit like a horror movie really). Not sure what all that means in the scheme of things.
After catching up on the posts, I just want to say before I go that Beaksie, I am really feeling for you. I know things may seem quite bleak and hopeless at the moment, especially given that you don't know either way what is happening with your body - and it's the not knowing that is the worst. I know this may seem flippant, but I'm being sincere when I say that I am a firm believer that 'all things happen for a reason' - we may not ever fully understand the reasons (as there is much in this world that we can and will never understand) - but I really believe there is a bigger plan and bigger purpose in everything we go through. If we always got what we wanted straight away, we would never grow emotionally and spiritually, we wouldn't learn patience, and we wouldn't experience the joy and gratitude that we would experience if we had have waited for something. I also believe that each of us will be better mothers because of what we've gone through to finally get to that 'pot of gold at the end of the rainbow'. Our little ones will always be wanted, always be cherised, and they will always be a blessing in our lives because they were 'waited for'. I watched Sunrise this morning and saw the story about the 13 year old who is 14 weeks pregnant but doesn't know what to do with the baby (ie to keep or terminate) - in a way I don't feel saddened for the girl as she can still make a life for herself either way (as hard as her life may be) - but I really feel for that baby, growing up with the possibility of knowing that he/she wasn't really wanted. Our children will know that they were, and are, wanted. Beaksie, I am thinking of you, and for whatever reason you are having to go through all of this, know that we're here to walk with you through it.
A quick hi also to Acria - am thinking of you today as you test &/or wait for AF. I really hope that AF stays away for you so that you don't have to wait until next year. And Lee - wishing you all the best with testing - I can't believe you've held off since Sunday! Am thinking of you.
Hi to everyone else - I will catch up sometime soon. (So much for the short post!)
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