Hi Eloise,
Welcome to Belly Belly. I am so very sad to read your story - the death of your daughter and your tiny Angels. You have been through such a heartbreaking experience - you have come to a wonderful place to be supported by women who have travelled similar paths.
When and if to TTC again is such a personal decision. How you get to that place is different for each woman/couple. I have not had the same experience but I have suffered through the loss of 3 mid trimester intrauterine deaths. Like you there was no definitive cause. However, after MUCH exhaustive (my husband thought I was a woman posessed!) research, 3rd, 4th and 5th opinions and more independent research! I found that many of my test results just scraped it in as "normal". It is believed conclusively by all of the specialists I have consulted that I have some type of condition that is mimicking "antiphospholipid syndrome". There is some info HERE on it and other conditions that cause miscarriage and loss.
In telling you this I am trying to highlight that sometimes there is a reason but we just don't know what it is. Was your daughter (do you feel like sharing her name?) growing = to dates? You said her placenta and cord appeared normal and I am assuming that they were sent to histology for testing?
My last earth child was much lighter (3lbs lighter) than her siblings. This disparity in weight with my other children and the subsequent losses we have endured lead doctors to believe that a clot was likely to be the cause of her lighter weight. I simply don't grow little babies and she was little.
Anyway I am feeling my post is a little disjointed - please excuse me I haven't had a lot of sleep this week!
In a nutshell if you haven't already I would seek out more opinions. Ask for your records to be released from your doctor - pathology everything. Make appointments with well regarded specialists. GP's won't have much idea. Seek out an "obstetric immunologist". If you are in Sydney I can recommend someone if you contact me flowerchild@bellybelly.com.au
It is really scary to take the plunge again. I know for me I very much want another child - I ache for another child. That keeps me going. When I gaet a negative pregnancy test there is a small part of me that is relieved - I don't have the stress of pregnancy for anohter month. I let go of that and work hard on those thoughts because they don't serve me but I won't deny I have them fleetingly.
What you have gone through is painful and gut wrenching. However, knowledge can help to alleviate some of the stress. I urge you to get some more opinions. If they are the same as your original doctor - wonderful! You can forge ahead with some feelings of confidence. If they are not the same then you will have more information and more help. Either way you win.
When you are ready to embark on TTc you will be welcomed with open arms by the women in the TTC thread HERE
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