Trying to Conceive after Late Loss, Still Birth or Recurrent Miscarriage April '08

[Katiegirl]

Hi all. I was all ready to go to bed and then made the fatal decision of turning on the computer to check my work emails...big mistake and feel all annoyed at people now! So bed will be a bit off I think. My DH would be so angry to hear I was replying to work email at 11:30! Stupid.

Jo - the tradeshow was ok but yes I hate them! I kept reminding myself that this was my last. I still have not told work so I am sure some people just think I have a huge pot belly going on. Only 2 weeks until your 12 week mark - you are moving along nicely! So glad your family made a fuss of you on Mother's Day and especially that they remembered Jack.

Simba - congrats on the excellent scan. It is such a relief to see the heart flickering away. I hope all is going well. Will I see you next week at the support group?

Jen - thanks for your messages of support. It means to much to know you are all behind us! I can't wait to return the favour when it is your turn.

TM - I hope you are doing ok. Like Jo, I to think of you often and I even said a special prayer for you yesterday. I was sitting there thinking about things, and you popped into my head so I asked God to send you a special present.

Barbara - where are you? I hope you and the bubs are doing well. Come back and update us!

Hammi and Rozzie - I hope you are both well. What is news?

Well, not much else from me. The baby is still very very low in my pelvis (which makes external scans hard). My ob has said the baby will move up by week 16 but so far it has not happened. I really want the baby to move up so that the scans can be clearer - this of course will mean my belly will be even bigger than it is now (which I am quite looking forward to) but my secret will be a secret no longer. My DH thinks it is ridiculous that I have only told a handful of people (and I told them prior to 12 weeks) but no one since the 12 week scan. I think sub-consciously I am waiting until I have had the scan at 15 weeks (which is around the time Nathaniel died) to get the go ahead. It is a mental hurdle for me. I quite like not sharing this baby with people. I haven't even told my 3 brothers or my father! Crazy.

Okay I really should try to go to bed. Take care everyone.

[Hammi]

Hello everyone. So nice to see some tickers in this forum. I'm happy to hear about all the bouncy little bubs at your scans. Just thinking about scans scares me, I don't know how I'll be able face looking at an ultrasound image in my next pregnancy after the last one I saw.

I went back to my obs for my check up this week. All is well with me and preliminary results showed no abnormalities with Hamish. The obs said the hospital told him it'll be at least two months before we get the full results because tests for live babies take priority. Of course I understand this but it's still hard to hear. The obs, who was so clinical and didn't even bother turning up for my delivery, was uncharacteristically kind and warm. I could've done with a bit of them when I had Hamish!

He said to wait till we get the full autopsy results before trying again but he said there's no reason why I can't have a healthy baby and my next pregnancy won't be considered high risk medically, just emotionally.

Did I tell you that DH and I doing a preconception program with a naturopath? It's just basically eating wholefoods, exercising and taking some herbal and vitamin supplements. They recommend doing the program for 4-6 months before trying for a baby. It gives us something to focus on and feel positive about.

I've been praying a lot for Hamish hoping that he's safe and happy wherever he is. I miss him so much and sort of want to punch people out when they tell me that he "wasn't meant to be". He was so, he was here, and he was born and he was perfect. Grrrrrrrrrrr! I also hate it when people refer to his birth as a miscarriage

[jo76]

hammi - your post bought tears to my eyes! All our babies were meant to have their mark in the world - they were concieved in the first place! I am glad that you are starting to get some results back eventhough they are not a "comfort" as such after all that you have been through. I can't imagine what it is like to wait for that long -i had to wait a week and that was mind numbingly long for me! So take care of yourself while this medical side of things is all still going through the paces for you!Katie will be able to share her experiences of the nautropath as she was seeing one herself. i think it is a great idea as it is a really positive step forward and from katies posts (i can't speak directly for her!) she seemed to get alot of her visits to one.
As for people referring to hamish as a miscarriage - its hard i know. I feel very similar in that because i was'nt showing with Jack (i tend to not show at all till at least 6.5 months although this time i have a beer gut look going on!!!lol!) i think it was always taken a little less seriously than if i had been one of these women who show the minute the test is positive. Does that make sense? If i had lost him with a rounded belly i really believe people would have been more sensitive to his death as it would have been a visual preganancy for them...i hope this makes sense, just my views of my experience, but its to say i kinda get where your at! (can i blame the above paragragh on preg brain -its seems rambled!!!)
For everyone though - i picked up Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy today. It retails normally for about $20 but got it for $7.95 so i had to get it! I am already a few chapters in and it is so lighthearted and fantastic. I already feel better about EVERYTHING! So if you want to smile get it. I am so glad i found it! (i read her book about her son having autism and thats why i could'nt go past it, she is truthful and funny and i loved her last book!)
take care everyone! Esp you hammi!
x jo

p/s katie - what were you thinking checking work at 11.30! Your DH is'nt the only one upset with you! REST!!!!!! and also one of the girls at work is onto me about being preg., I have told my mgr just in case there are any dramas and apparently this other girl who is studying final year nursing went up to her and said about 5 different reasons why she thinks i am pregnant. I told my DH as he has wanted us to keep it quiet for now and he said well if she can keep her mouth shut then tell her. Which i am a little confused over, he will let me tell a girl at work who he does'nt know but he won't tell his dad or stepmum?!?!? men!!

[Katiegirl]

Hammi - you know it never bothered me too much saying that Nathaniel was classified a miscarriage - I think because I had to have a D&C rather than deliver him. Then I went to a support group and the midwife who runs it asked me if it bothers me that he has been labelled an mc - until then I never really thought about it. It kind of stopped me and I had to think about it - and yes it does a bit. I guess I always say we found out at 20 weeks and that makes people realise how far along we were. Overall I have been lucky and most people have been very sensitive - but I too hate the 'these things happen for a reason', 'it is nature's way', blah blah. I hate it! I want to say - thank you but this was my son and that gives me no comfort. Aaghh people just say things that they think offer comfort but really it is for their sake not ours - that may sound harsh but I know I have been guilty of it in the past. We say cliches just because we can't think of anything else to say. I learnt a long time ago that 'sorry' is usually enough. Rant over.

I think its great that both you and your DH are doing the naturopath together. I couldn't even get my DH to take 1 multivitamin a night - meanwhile I have been taking the most horrendous tonics and about 10-12 tablets a day! So I think it is wonderful that your DH is taking responsibility for it as well - my naturopath used to tell me that creating a baby is 50/50, but some how when it came to DH taking his tablet...not so even!

Jo - I hate when people act all super sleuth about pregnancies - especially given our situation. I have not had anyone come up and ask me, but my stomach is looking quite round so they either think I am preg or just carrying a lot of weight in my stomach. I have said that I would get really angry is anyone asked me if I was pregnant, as I think it is insensitive. Good to hear you have told your manager. I still have not told anyone at work besides 2 close friends, so probably need to do that next week after the 15 week scan on Tuesday.

Well as for me, work is really bugging me today. Too many whingers - and as you can tell from my above rants I am thoroughly over people in general hehe. I can't wait to finish up but that won't be until Sept. Seems a long way to go.

Ok well I must sound very annoyed with the world today. It is good to let off some steam. Hope you don't mind.

[Hammi]

Hi Jo, yay for preggy brains! I hope I catch it off you in a few months' time :-) I was starting to show, in fact, two days before I lost Hamish someone at work said "Wow it's really happening now!". I'll always remember that because I was standing there grinning at my baby tickling me inside my tummy. That was the last time I ever felt him.

Katie, those multi-vitamins are horrendous. We gag and gag when we take them. Were your pills really huge too? And the tonics, my DH is convinced ours are just grass clippings mixed into mud water. They really taste like it. So do you think doing all of that helped you with this bub?

Are you in marketing (because you mentioned doing a tradeshow). I am, and I hate events!

Goodnight everyone, hope you get loads of angel kisses in your dreams.

[Katiegirl]

Hi Hammi. Some of my tablets are huge - DH calls them horse tablets. I have always thought the tonics were like having to have a shot of rough bourbon or something. I have been taking them since January and I still hold my nose. I do feel they have helped me prepare for conception and also helped with my health during this pregnancy. It might be a mind over matter thing, or it might really be helping. Either way, at the least I went into this pregnancy knowing that I was taking plenty of supplements and that gave me a confidence boost.

And yes I am in marketing - for conference and incentive industry industry. I used to be an event manager but have moved into the marketing of destinations now. I too hate trade shows and yet I always seem to be organising one. If I wasn't pregnant, I truly believe I would be looking for a new job, as I feel so unmotivated with this one.

Well I just woke up - so I have had about 13 or so hours sleep. I am guessing I needed it.

Have a great weekend everyone.

[jen805]

Good morning ladies! It's been a few days since I've posted here in this thread, but I've been in and out, lurking, reading your posts, and of course, you're all always in my thoughts and prayers!


jo--Sorry to hear you were sick with the flu. That was a couple days ago, so hopefully you're feeling much better by now! So glad to hear about your great Mother's day, and the way your family included Jack in your picture frame! Hope you thoroughly enjoying your


Katiegirl--Can't wait to hear about your 15 week scan! It will be such a relief to get past that 15 week hurdle, and finally begin telling people you're pregnant! Hope you have a great weekend!


Hammi--So glad to hear about the preconception program with the naturopath that you and DH will be taking. How great that you have something to focus on and look forward to! Also, really good news that your next pregnancy won't be considered high-risk. Obviously, emotionally it will be difficult getting past the milestones, but I have faith that you'll conceive at just the right time, when everything will be perfect, and you'll have no complications! That's my prayer for you, at least! I know how much you must miss Hamish, and how much you love him. Remember he's always with you in mind, heart, and soul--and nobody can take that from you!

I hope you all have a great weekend! I'm supposed to be O today according to my chart, so I guess we'll see what happens. DF and I have been very busy for the past week, so hopefully this will be our month! Will be busy for the rest of the weekend! for us all!