Powelly...I am a bit emotional atm maybe. But you just brought me to tears. Thank you so much. You will never know how much i needed to hear that understanding.
AF due Fri/Sat.
Trying not to POAS...trying so so hard. xoxoxo
I have crossed my fingers and toes for you and hope you follow in Samcougar's footsteps and give us all a BFP this weekend. Just know you are supported in here, and keep talking. I haven't shut up since DTD and getting my BFN.
I had meant to check in yesterday, but have been so busy that I worked through the night Sunday and on through most of Monday to meet a timeline. Dead tired now (day after is always the worst). Makes me feel old! I used to be able to do this on back to back nights without missing a beat (20 years ago, that is!!!!).
Angelic – Sending you my love and best wishes, hun. I know that must have been a difficult decision to come to, but somehow freeing also. Thanks for your encouragement and friendship. Take care sweetie. xoxo
Powelly – Sorry about your BFN, hun. Maybe July will be a better month. Also hoping your DS is doing better.
Gigi – Glad to see that you were able to take care of yourself first at the market that day. It’s too easy to think ‘I should be able to handle this’ when your little voice is telling you to get the H&LL out of there! Also sounds like you had a great night out boogie-ing! I can’t remember the last time DH and I did that (hmm… think I need to do some planning..)
I think you are right about your DH trying to protect himself by not getting his hopes up – mine does the same. Sometimes it just feels like you’re being smacked by wave after wave of disappointment and it’s just so hard to stay on your feet. Know that we are here for you, hun, and that we have hope enough for all of us. Fingers crossed for your BFP this month.
Tenibear – Looks like the BD bonanza is well started. Gotta get those fresh swimmers in the queue! Good luck sweetie!
Samcougar – Hope everything is going well. Are you going for bt’s?
Dory – Glad your side effects have passed and that your furbabies are doing well. I do have another poem for today’s HPT, but BB has rules regarding foul language!
Hi also to Chez, Cmeglles, Crumpet, CharliB, SusieQ, Hope, Lemonade, and anyone else I may have missed. Hope you are all doing well.
AFM – I was going to test Monday morning, but since I was up all night from Sunday I couldn’t really tell which was my first morning urine (iykwim). I thought it best to wait until today. Unfortunately still BFN, so I’m going to stop my progesterone and bring on AF (19 dpo). When I’ve been pregnant before, I always showed positive at least by 15 or 16 dpo, but I just wanted to be sure. On a positive note (tmi warning), at least I know that the progesterone gel suppository I started using this month is delivering enough hormone to stop my lining from shedding. Last month I was on transdermal progesterone alone and AF rudely showed up before I invited her! I’m actually not surprised we aren’t pg since DH and I were visiting relatives in different parts of the state when my EWCM showed up (of course). This time it looks like I’ll be o’ing right in the middle of a week long vacation we have planned, so maybe July will be our month!
Dory and Chris...yes I was mega proud of me for pulling the pin. I usually do just that Chris, soldier on and suffer it later. No more, when i get the feelings to go...i will go. No more compromising us.
Dory, glad things are on the up for you sweet with the meds. Hope you have a beautifully relaxing week...a couple of dvds and a good book. xoxo
Chris....yes definitely go for a boogie hun. It is so lovely and not smokey as it used to be when we were all a dam sight younger.
Thanks for your faith hun. I think our hubbys are pretty incredible to go for so long and not show a crack. It is pretty normal and comforting to see they feel the same way. xoxo
i am so glad you have worked out the Progesterone that is good for you babe. One less thing to have to question. I hope July is your month too. I am sorry you have had to pull the pin on this one. Thanks for your hope...I have plenty for you too. xoxox
Gigi - hope your parents are ok with their new adventure. My dad is moving this week. He's 68 now and moving house and towns. Maddness, but at the same time I applaud him for embracing change. Your night out sounds great.... bogey the night away! your poor DH - it is easy to forget that this journey takes its toll of them too. Give him a hug for me.... any news on AF?
Chris - I like the sound of a vacation BD fest.......
Teni - awesome that in the midst of all that seeming confusion that you got your ewcm at the right time. Things are looking up....
Powelly - sorry about your bfn.....bugger. What you said to G was really nice...
AFM - on the mend from those side effects. I do miss the energy spurt I had though.... I am off to see my counsellor on Friday. Time to check in and it's Amelia's 1st anniversary of her EDD next week ... not too sure how I feel about that impending date actually. It's the start of some significant dates in quick succession ....Nicholas' birthday then Sophie's birthday and then September. I am hoping to get to September. Anyway, thanks for listening....
Dory, Yes i think it is pretty cool for our oldies to go for adventure. Pretty cool indeed.
I will pass on the hug for you...with pleasure.
I am holding on but with not much hope. I am CD26 and DPO12, I POAS and it is blank, completely blank. One silly little line staring at me. So, i know i have a couple of days to go, but it is not looking so good. i am going through a bit of a realisation, adjustment period, getting ready for the next few days.
Atm i just feel like I am hanging in mid air. Suspended.
I have to pick up and do the shift in my head for another cycle. Right now, it is a tall order. I am pi55ed at this not working out each time. I am so naive to think that this CAN be easy if i let it. It is a bit of a come down really...when you work yourself up and then another knock back and you have to work yourself out again. xoxo Hmmmmm
Dory, glad the symptoms are doing well. I bet the next couple of months ahead are heavy on your mind hun. I am thinking of you. I hope the little reset with the counselor sets you up the best it can. It will be good to have a chat too. How many weeks are you now babe? You never mention, and if you don't want to, I understand.
Just a quick pop in from me to wish Samcougar all the very best in her pg!!!! Congratulations sweetie!! I wish you a happy, healthy & uneventhful 8 months or so! Woo hoo, way to go hun!!!!
Just quicky, Gigi, don't lose hope hun. I know how frasturating it is to see that one damn line over and over, but your time WILL come and I'll be here to celebrate it with you. Big hugs hunni and stay positive.
Dory, sorry to hear you weren't feeling well, big hugs. I'll be thinking of you next week on Amelia's 1st EDD angelversary.
Well, that's all I've had time to read.....sorry!!!
Hi to Sheryl, Teni, Cmeglles, ChrlieB, Crumpet, Angelicdragon and anyone else I missed!! All the very best for those waiting to test and I really wish it will happen for you soon.
to the newbies and I'm sorry you've found yourself in this thread but it was my lifeline when I was TTC and I will always be thankful for that.
Beata - it is a lifeline.... some of us just can't be away for too long huh?
Gigi - I can only imagine the enormous effort it takes each cycle, to build up hope and then be crushed. You have my pure and unadulterated admiration girl. My Bestie, is Long Term TCC with 2 m/c. She is so stoic most of the time but I see ( and at other times she lets me in) her struggle so much. I wish that I could make it better for her, and it makes me so sad that everytime she sees me, that as happy as she is for me, a part of her is just shrivelling inside because I am right now what she so badly wants. But still she comes and still she supports me. Pretty amazing friend huh?
I spent a lot of my most "fertile" years with acute PCOS and somehow just got the message that I was infertile and little could be done. I have no idea why I just accepted that at the time. I suppose at the time it suited me career wise not to pursue fertility options further. I don't regret it, but I am concerned I was so "accepting". This journey is just so weird. I started it with a perception of infertility and DH and I incorporated the concept that we wouldn't have children in our relationship. It took us both a lot of work to do it. And then things changed for us in ways we least expected. I hope that your you things changed unexpectedly and you do get your bfp..... soon. Anyway, my friend told me she was reading a book Inconceivable Notion I think is its title. I have it on hold at the library. My friend told me a lot of the stories there resonated for her and helped get a sense that what she is feeling and thinking is not "crazy". Maybe after I read it I will have more of an understanding of the path and you and my Bestie walk...
Anyway, sorry today was just a post to Gi. Thinking of you and lost of dust and stickies....
Dory - Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you as you endure the ever painful 1st anniversary next week. It's never easy having to re-live the painful memories. My hubby and I have a special place we go where we remember our son. We take a single white rose and lay it at the headland and we both tell him how much we love him and how much we miss him. Not a year will ever go by that we won't go and honour his memory. It's nice to do those special things and the first anniversary will be hard, and it will hurt, but with each anniversary, the pain slowly slowly slowly lessens.
Hope the counselling appt goes well. Sounds like it's come at a good time :-)
Big hugs for you. Know that you'll get through the day. Be kind to yourself, let it hurt and cry it out. You will wake to a new day, and you WILL see September, and you never know what's around the corner :-)
Dory, sweet friend. You do indeed have a very special friend but nothing less than you deserve. I am sure you are so important to her too. Being allowed and safe to feel raw and true one moment and strong the next is such a gift. It is bitter sweet, beautiful and hurtful. You also deserve this happiness of a living child as much as your beautiful angels have also given you joy. I feel for you gorgeous friend but also admire her strength.
It is funny how each of our journey's go. I don't now how and i try not to question this but somehow things are as they are supposed to be. i often joke that i wish I had been soley focused on my career and decided to have children later. So much anguish and heartbreak, fights and tears would have been saved. I wish I had of known how things would work out...to save a part of myself. I greive a lot over that, a life less lived- i feel sometimes. Not many people let me say that without judgement. I am just not in a good place right now. I would not change things it think- although for the first time in my life of 'no regrets' I have a few...just every now and then..a glimpse. I am sure this will change over time and I will be able to be more forgiving. Other times...would not have changed a thing. i guess it depends where you are at. I think I am just really sad and sorry for myself at this point in my life, a little bitter. I am trying to get through that. You ladies help tremendously. I am trying to move it on with the idea that this should not take up years of my life, but it is taking time. Family often make me feel as though I am struggling and shouldn't be, and should be in a better place than i am...and maybe i should be, but I am doing what I can for now and I am at peace with that. I hate the word 'should'. I think they just don't want to see our pain anymore. They are tired of handling it. Somedays i think they get a glimpse that is a forever deal.
Dory, you are such a dear friend. I don't feel for a moment that you don't get me..you certianly do. Sure our stories differ a little, but i feel understood when I read your posts. I am so greatful for your generosity and support.
I feel pretty broken about now, waiting. I have lost hope. That is a lie, I have hope. But I feel like i shoudn't. With the tick of the clock the scales tip further one side than the other. I just need to know, one way or another. I don't want the pain. CD28 and waiting. I am so so scared. Hmm tears are coming. i better go.
I can not thank you enough fro your recognition and love. Thank you to all of you.
Dory- Sweety I am thinking of you in these coming months. I have your angels' birthdays in my diary but not their EDDs. My DD was supposed to be due around the 10/11 or July. I just can't believe it is coming around. The friends baby that was born as planned around her date is celebrating her 1st birthday. I am so jealous of them and so sad that out little girl is not trying to walk and eating pink icing (coloured with beetroot powder of course) with marshmellow and smartie flowers. I can only imagine what you must be feeling too. A pull between your children exists whether they are on this earth or not. I truely believe that. I find it equally important to spend time thinking about her and thinking about making another baby, spending time with my husband. I certainly know when i haven't spread myself around as I would have liked. I have this pull on my heart if DD or I feel like she has been neglected.
I am not thinking about her date just yet, trying not to.
Sorry to be so gloomy everyone. Well i hope it makes you all feel normal to read my sad thoughts. xoxo
Gigi - have my shoulder to cry on sweetie.... there's so much you've written that resonates with me.... and thankyou for your kind words. It's often that we are harder on ourselves than others ever will be. So go gently and don't be to tough on yourself. You are in the place that you need to be right now, and when you are ready you will move to a different place. No one else can answer that question for you as no one walks in your shoes. I know you have hope, but it's just hard to find it in its own right. One of the attributes that I most admire about you is that you are so natural and comfortable in the ways you honour your DD. I didn't realise your DD EDD was coming up... thanks for sharing such a special date.
I went to counselling today and as always was so glad I did. I have a lot to think about and work through, but have some ideas now, rather than just being stuck. I think I was a little stuck. I always have such a strong sense of peace after I see my counsellor. It's like the feeling you get after you've had a really good sleep. Although I have to admit, I came close to a precipe and backed away. Guess that's something for another day.
AFM - going to the counsellor was awesome, so glad I did it. And sorry about my sig in the last post... i know they allowed now, but I don't usually leave them in, so sorry if I upset anyone. I have since edited it.
Sweety (Dory) I was pleased to see it and see how far along you were. Week 28 is a biggen for me, so i will certainly breath easier for you now that is nearly over. It was good too see your angels there too.
Thanks for your shoulder hun.
CD 2 now and AF is blazin' having a dvd day with dh, popcorn and choc. xoxo
Gigi - sorry to hear that you have had a few down days recently. You were sounding so happy and peppy, particularly after your boogie session. BTW what a nice thing to do to give the guitar pick away - you truly are an amazingly generous lady Hope you are feeling better very soon. And just a quick question from me, now that you are back in Australia are you considering IVF? I can't remember whether you have tried it or not. Sorry to ask and feel free to tell me to butt out if you want!
Dory - so glad that you enjoy your counselling sessions. And while I missed your ticker, 28 weeks is fantastic. You have come so far. I will be thinking of you this week and your angel's EDD. I realised myself that my angel's EDD isn't far away.
Samcougar - hope you are doing well hun.
Teni - go Teni and Scott - make the most of that precious EWCM!
ChrisW - hope you are doing ok and glad that your DS is feeling better. It's hard when little ones are sick.
Hi to Powelly, Lemonade, SuzieQ, Beata, crumpet, cmeglles and everyone else.
AFM, still no sign of AF. The clomid has really stuffed up this cycle for me and I am not very happy about it. Apparently this is a reasonably common side affect. I have some Primolut that my FS gave me before she left for her conference to bring on AF but I really don't want to take it. My TCM is trying out some herbs on me but still nothing. I have had cramps on and off for 2 weeks now and my cervix has moved into a high position so maybe she is on her way. I think the cervix is high and therefore open when AF is about to happen. Is that right?
Anyway, DH and I have been talking more about our options and depending on what the FS says when she comes back we might do another IVF cycle, or we might move onto to finding an egg donor. While I would love to have a child that is genetically mine, I am a nurturer and know I will love any baby, particularly one I have carried and given birth to. I went to a friend's baby shower yesterday morning and was surrounded (ok, maybe not) by 4 young babies. I actually coped with it much better than I thought I would. One of the ladies who I had only just met let me hold her beautiful baby girl who is 6 weeks old. She was gorgeous and in between fidgets, and yawns and stretches and wind burps and smiles, she slept for almost an hour in my arms. My arms were sore from holding and rocking her but it was the best soreness I have felt for a long time. I was in love! That experience has cemented my mind that one day I will be a mum, even it is not with my own eggs. I can't imagine my life without a precious bundle. And DH is so supportive. He wants me to be happy and desperately wants a baby too, and if an egg donor is the only way to achieve that then he is completely onboard. It is a relief on one hand to know that there is another option, but a little stressful as well as I don't have any sisters, or any close friends that are the 'right' age. But that is another path to investigate.
Anyway, enough rambling from me. I hope everyone is well and keeping warm. It was -4 here this morning when I went to work!
oxo
Chez- Sorry to hear that clomid stuffed up your cycle, and i can understand you not wanting to bring on AF I'm not sure about the position of the cervix when AF is due so i'm not very much help sorry. I'm so glad the baby shower went well, I had one a couple of months ago and i think i did really well altho i couldn't bring myself to hold one of the girls bubbas when they asked me. So i think you are a truly amazing lady and i hope you soon get your own little bundle of joy.
Gigi- Sorry AF arrived, but Movies, Popcorn and Choccies are definatly the way to go
Dory- I'm glad going to the counceller helped you, i think it may be a road we may take as well depending on how we are feeling about this pg. 28 weeks wow that has just flown by (well for us anyway) I hope everything is going well for you.
Teni- Fingerscrossed for you hun, I really hope this is your month.
Hello to everyone i missed, i hope you are traveling along well.
well AFM What a week, Blood tests, Drs Appointments etc, etc. The Dr says that i'm going really well and everything looks good, so fingerscrossed we have a sticky bubba on board.
Samcougar- I hope you have a sticky one too hun. Thinking of you and wishing you all the best. I am sure this one is here to stay.
Chezza- No, hun you are not putting your nose where it doesn't belong LOL. Of course you can ask. I just don't want my answer to offend. We have decided not to do IVF. It is not right for me and it is something we don't want to do. Not that it means we don't want a bub enough, there are so many reasons. I have huge respect for IVF and what has given my friends here, just not for me. Thank you for asking hun and thanks for doing so in a loving way. Not everyone can understand why we don't do IVF, we have chosen a different path, no less expensive that is for sure and the stresses are different but still very present but it is our path nonetheless. We expected ( a small part of us) that it will take longer. Anyway...it has certainly been a long wait, a sacrifice we are willing to make.
I am sorry you are struggling with your cycle so much. Just to confuse you ever more, my cervix is quite high and then through period, very low and open. I wish I could help you more. I hope the TCM can help it along.
You very brave and strong lady for venturing the baby shower as you did. As much as it hurts sometimes, holding my nephews and smelling them can be the best drug and the worst in the world. They smell so so so good. I bathed my youngest nephew the other day and he is just starting to take other things in around him...starting. He just looked at me the whole time. Well i cried like a silly aunty and sang him songs...what else can you do for such a devoted audience. God they are miracles.
I think it is tremendous that you can recognise the mother you are and want to be. To consider an egg donor is a big and possibly wonderful step. With each decision like this our growth is super huge. You are a wonderful mummy hun and i bet however it comes, your next chance for another bubba is not far away. Did you read the post Dusty wrote about her egg donor experience. It is in her blog if you haven't. it was a lovely way to look at it and so so true. It has brought her a beautiful miracle. I understand that you say you have no sisters or friends the right age and that is something else to consider. I don't think you will struggle with that.
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to the newbies and I'm sorry you've found yourself in this thread but it was my lifeline when I was TTC and I will always be thankful for that.
Hope you are feeling better very soon. And just a quick question from me, now that you are back in Australia are you considering IVF? I can't remember whether you have tried it or not. Sorry to ask and feel free to tell me to butt out if you want!
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