Gigi - have my shoulder to cry on sweetie.... there's so much you've written that resonates with me.... and thankyou for your kind words. It's often that we are harder on ourselves than others ever will be. So go gently and don't be to tough on yourself. You are in the place that you need to be right now, and when you are ready you will move to a different place. No one else can answer that question for you as no one walks in your shoes. I know you have hope, but it's just hard to find it in its own right. One of the attributes that I most admire about you is that you are so natural and comfortable in the ways you honour your DD. I didn't realise your DD EDD was coming up... thanks for sharing such a special date.

I went to counselling today and as always was so glad I did. I have a lot to think about and work through, but have some ideas now, rather than just being stuck. I think I was a little stuck. I always have such a strong sense of peace after I see my counsellor. It's like the feeling you get after you've had a really good sleep. Although I have to admit, I came close to a precipe and backed away. Guess that's something for another day.

Love you G.