Tess, I am so sorry that you are having a bad day. Unfortunately people do say things to us that we find insensitive. I hope she hasn't upset you too much but I know what it is like to say those words to people. I remember having to tell someone that we lost Cooper and it was so hard. You don't know how to say it and you just want the world to swallow you up so you don't have to answer the question.
I would ask the same questions as you - does it get any easier. I would read posts from Spring and Mel, who lost their boys a few months before me and think how strong they are and how they can support so many people after what they have been through and I thought I could never be in that position. I could never be that strong. But they would say to me that it does get easier as you learn to live with it. I have found that over the weeks I have got stronger and that is thanks to the wonderful women on this forum that have supported me through this. Some days feel as raw as day 1 but I have learnt to live with the pain. The pain doesn't go away. It hurts like hell every day because every day I miss Cooper and wish so much that he was here, just like you wish that Thomas was here. You have lost all the hopes and dreams for Thomas as I have for Cooper and I think that is the hardest thing.
You will start to go through all sort of emotions that you will ask yourself are these normal. Most of them will be normal but the best advice I can give you is to write down what you are feeling and tell us what you are feeling because we have all gone through it and it is completely normal and we can help you. I know I was thinking that I was so alone and that no-one else has gone through what I am going through but unfortunately there are many of us that are going through the same pain but fortunately we can all support each other through it. By writing here and telling the girls how I was feeling and them responding that it was normal made me feel so much better because I realised I wasn't alone.
One thing I found out is that men and women grieve differently. I think understanding this helps. I wanted my DH to cry every time I cried. I wanted him to talk to Cooper every time I did. I wanted him to come to the counsellor with me. I didn't think that he was grieving like me and I wondered if he missed Cooper as much as I did. I hate myself for even thinking that now. I know that my DH misses Cooper just as much as I do, he is as much a son to DH as he is to me. My DH gets upset at different things but I know that he grieves for Cooper it is just different to me. You need to cry, it is part of grieving. Your DH will find it hard because he has lost his son, but if you need to cry, cry.
You are probably thinking that it can't get easier because it hurts so much but just remember that we are all here for you and will help you every step of the way. The support that I have received from these wonderful women have helped me so much. I just hope that I am able to support them and you.
I can't imagine how hard it is for you to go back to work, because I still haven't done it. I just can't. This little step just shows how much strength you have. Sending you and your DH the biggest and I hope today gets a little better for you.
and I hope today gets a little better for you.
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