TTC AFTER Late Loss/Recurrent Miscarriage/ Stillbirth Sept 2009

[cmeglles]

Can I just say that you ladies make my day? You really do. I have been in a bit of a funk since yesterday about not being pregnant, and then I read these posts and it made it all go away. And can I just say calling the vaginal ultrasound a dildo cam is one of the funniest things I have heard. I LOVE IT. My internet friends (what I call you guys to DH) rock!

Beata- you are probably at the hospital right now-hooray. I am really hoping all things are going super smooth. SO EXCITED for you!

Dory- What wonderful news! What type of counselor are you going to for talking about stitching? I am absolutely THRILLED fro you that you saw a heartbeat and everything looks wonderful. Just so happy. How is it taking time off from work? enjoying it? need a reading list? No tulips yet, although I did hear on the radio that some lambs are being born. It is unusually warm here right now. Usually winter lasts for another month at least, so I am happy that things are warming up and am actively looking for new flowers and signs of Spring.

Gigi1- Lyme disease! How terrible! That definitely explains your symptoms though. I hope that a good dose of antibiotics gives you back your energy. Are they putting you on an IV? It will make TTC much more fun anyways! I am getting my PhD in microbiology so anytime you want to bounce infections and treatments etc off of my brain please feel free. I am happy to share, or not share. Or set your mind at ease--at least with what I know so far. I am trying so hard to be stress free and not have anxiety to avoid infections- but it is so hard. We have been through so much, how do you just turn it off?It totally sucks that you have had to take such a long break. Keep us updated with how you are doing. I am really hoping that you feel better FAST! Sounds like you have a great doctor.

Chez- Sorry about AF arriving. BOOOO. We need some good news in here. Good to hear that DH is behind you all the way this year. It really helps with 100% support I think. IVF sounds more and more promising with this new doctor. I would say go ahead and book the trip, I have never been to the beach in winter, but after booking our vacation I am really grateful to have something longish shortish term to look forward to. Plus some sunshine and warmth--I am so ready! The winters are very long here and everything right now is ugly (and will be for another month or so) It has helped me a lot with relaxing for TTC. (well so far anyways).

Crumpet- Good to see you have some answers and a baseline for your cervix. Now to hopefully move onto bigger and better things like getting you pregnant. My fingers are crossed that this is super short for you.

CharlieB- I still (I am 5 months out of losing our son at 16 weeks) feel weird around people. I don't like it when people pretend or act like nothing has changed, because I have. SO I have totally been there. I deal with it, and I have no clue if this is healthy, by talking about it if the subject comes up and it is relevant to the conversation. For example, someone was asking me why I am interested in specializing in obstetrics and gynecology for medicine and I said all of the standard things and I said I lost a baby in the second trimester, my care was excellent but me and my family have never been so vulnerable and I want to be able to help women like me. Or I went to a women's empowerment retreat for future physician leaders and they asked about a life changing event and I told them. But it is really really hard. Nobody talks about these things, and that makes it even lonelier for me. I don't know if that helps.

Aries- nice to see you lurking. I am glad you are still around. Hope things are going well with you.

For me on CD10. Things are busy at work. I got some confirmation that I will graduate (with the first of my 2 degrees) in a year or so and am really happy. I am so ready to return to medical school. Got into a funk because I found out a co-worker's wife is 15 weeks pregnant and they were doing the ultrasound today---brought back lots of memories of my last ultrasounds.Funny how some things don't bother me and I am excited about and other things (that are basically the same)hurt. I simply do not 'get' my feelings. Anyhow you all made my day. THANK YOU

[crumpet]

Today, I am really walking on air. It was awesome. I didn't really relax until I saw the little chickens heart beat, but we got to that very quickly.

Here are the details - 159 bpm! 6.9cm long and the cervix is 38mm and a 1 in 3599 risk of downs. All in all, a very good result. Made the sleepless night last night worth it.

DH and I have been in our own little world of bliss today, real bliss. It's not been a feeling we have both felt so strongly for such a long time. if we could bottle this moment and just pour some out when we needed it, we would.

We now have a big decision to make - to stitch or not, when its not clearly medically indicated. I am trying to get an appointment with my counselor to see if I have missed anything in my thought processes about the "stitch".

oh my god call me slow but i didnt realise u were preg hun, massive congrats hun!!!!! good luck with ur decison!!

. And can I just say calling the vaginal ultrasound a dildo cam is one of the funniest things I have heard. I LOVE IT. My internet friends (what I call you guys to DH) rock!


Crumpet- Good to see you have some answers and a baseline for your cervix. Now to hopefully move onto bigger and better things like getting you pregnant. My fingers are crossed that this is super short for you.

glad dildo cam gives u a few laughs hun!!! lol.....

thank you, ill hopefully do a test next week...if i hold out that long!!!

[dory]

Crumpet - first things first. YOU are not slow. You joined after I got my good news, and given the forum I am writing in I try and be very circumspect about what I write. Yesterday was unsuual for me, as I normally dont go into that level of detail, because I don't want to cause uncessary angst to anyone in the TCC forums. But I was just so excited yesterday that I had to share. I tend to write about how I am going indirectly, so if you didnt already know, you probably wouldn't get it from what I write. The girls in here helped me through some very tough times, and I don't really feel the same level to acceptance and familarity in other threads, so I stay here with my friends and post.

Charli B - thanks!

Cemeglles - I am not sure there is any rhyme or reason to how we respond to things as bereaved parents. Just go with teh flow and try not to worry too much about it. I know what you mean about feeling lonely and about feeling changed. I feel like I talk about my babies ALL of the time, but in fact, I probably don't as much as I think I do. I know I think about them all of the time. I am so proud of you for talking about your baby and how your baby has set you on a path you didn't expect to take.

Hey good news about graduating and then going back to med school. Daunting but fun. My SIL is a doctor and is studying to specialise in pathology. She is a changed person since being a Dr. She used to be really selfish and didn't have a clue. Now she has this amazing empathy and knoweldge and generosity. It's quite amazing. Maybe I am the one that has changed so I can see those things in her now? Who knows.

I am so excited for you and your trip! I love the beach and the ocean. They are my happy place. Luckily living in South East Qld, I have a lot to choose from.

Gigi - how are you going? I hope you are starting to feel not as glum now you have some answers and some things to do to get yourself healed.

Aries - hiya. Miss you.

[Gigi1]

Dory, Thanks hun. Doing ok. Went for bloods today and feeling not bad. I think the first few days of treatment were at the worst i have been but it will take time I am told. So must be patient. Doing well though. Will make appontment to see gp next week and talk about helping my anxiety issue that has popped it head.

Cmegles, You smart little cookie. How cool! I am totally impressed and in awe. I am sure i will have questions at some point. Like once these things have become dormant.... (CMV EBV and Lymes) will my pregnancies be safe? It is quite scarey. I am a pretty healthy chick so to have caught this stuff is pretty scarey for me. There is also that chance i guess that i could have been born with virus sleeping in my system and it has activated now under stress. No one can really explain this side of it. At this point, no antibiotics unless i can't kick this alternatively. I am giving it 5 weeks to see a difference...then off to the doc for drugs. So NO iv etc....thank god. I nearly flipped today having bloods taken. I have a huge ouchy bruise too. I am always so anxious that they need to have a dig around to find my vein. Nice...blaaaaa gives me the heeby geebies. The last bloods i had taken were going through losing DD. It is funny, since then, all the things that once made me a nervous, now make me considerably more nervous.
Well done you to get the news about graduating. Don't get too busy!!
I know what you mean re something that was ok one minute can be heartbreaking the next. I do the same thing. Someitmes i am caught un awares. Right now, not thinking about it, I am making all the decoration stuff for my SIL's nursery. Did up three canvases last night, a new mobile cover and hangy things and a doona cover and pillow covers tonight. So she has a new look for the second baby. If i was to think about it, I would prabably be quite resentful and pi55ed that i was doing it. But i don't think any further than, she needs this to feel excited and happy. I am blabbing. xxxx

All great here guys. Sewing and making stuff. Long live the double sided, iron on adhesive stuff. It rocks my world. We have gone with an Owl them...foudn some great fabric at spotlight and making stuff to go with it all. Trying not to spend the earth but create a new look for her new baby. I think also she saw my other SIL's nursery ont he weekend adn got a bit jealous. So i got a hone call as soon as she got home....now i am sewing. I enjoy helping her. I never got to set up a nursery so this is a new one for me.
Talk soon
xoxox

[CharlieB]

Hi everyone!

Dory I hope you are still walking on air!

Crumpet - how exciting that you are testing soon!

Gigi - I'm sorry that all this has raised your anxiety issues. Anxiety and I are very well aquinted and I know how sucky it can be. Hopefully your gp can help you out.
Sounds like you are very clever with the sewing and decorating, I am very impressed. I was doing some sewing for our little one's room but haven't looked at my machine since he was born. Funnily enough the last thing I made was an owl wall hanging thingy!

cmeglles, congratulations on the graduation news! Clever chicken!

AFM - very impatienlty waiting for AF, I feel like it will signal that my body is "working" again. After a week of no bleeding at all I had about an hour of light fresh bleeding yesterday, and now nothing again! My body is taunting me, methinks!

beata - hope everything is going well, am thinking of you!

Take care,
xx

[SusieQ]

Hello everyone. I have been reading this forum for a couple of weeks now and thought it was time I said hello and to say congrats to Dory on her pregnancy.

It has been 6 weeks since I lost my DD at 22+4 weeks. She died about an hour after I gave brith to her - she was absolutely perfect in every way but just too small to survive. I can't believe it has only been 6 weeks it feels like such a long time ago. Obviously the hardest 6 weeks of my life! I am very lucky though to have an 18 month old DS who really has kept me going and has made me realise that life just has to go on (even when there are days when I just want to hide in bed)

My first thought after my DD died was that I was never getting pregnant again and then a day or two later all I could think about was TTC again. My OB suggested I wait 3 cycles before TTC again but was wondering what other's OB's had said. I need to wait 3 months anyway as I had to have a couple of blood transfusions and want to make sure I didn't pick up anything nasty before I start TTC again. Also, I am still spotting and was wondering how long others bleed??

[cmeglles]

Hi everyone! just a quick reply today.


Susie Q- I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. Welcome to our wonderful little group. These woman have been really helpful for me, and it is really wonderful how positive this group is despite all that we have been through. AFM-I bled for about 2-3 weeks after giving birth at 16+ weeks (could have been 16 or 16w+3). You will probably bleed slightly longer, but it shouldn't be much. I was told to wait 2 cycles after the bleeding stopped, which ended up for me being about 3 months. My cycles returned to normal pretty quickly.

Charlie B- have you done an hpt to see if your body is still producing HCG? That might give you some indication of when things will slow down. I took a few and watched them trail off and the bleeding did as well. Sorry things are so frustrating for you.

Gigi1- One thing I know is that 90%+ people have had EBV and CMV and the viruses just lay dormant. That means that all of the pregnancies are the same way. An active virus can affect a pregnancy (as unfortunately your doctor had you stop TTC-boo) but once they are dormant it should be fine. I am not sure about Lyme. I will look it up, I doubt it because the bacteria stay REALLY localized and it definitely was not one of the diseases we were told to watch out for in med school, but I should really double check to make sure I am right. So really good news once you kick the viruses! If I remember right antibiotics don't always help with Lyme if it isn't caught early. So it is good you are waiting. Plus having IV antibiotic would really stink. I also hate having my blood taken--they never can find my vein and it is just painful. Ugh. I am hoping that this next year will be filled with lots of writing (my thesis) and hopefully a big fat tummy (with a healthy baby at the end)--so it is a personal goal not to get too busy. haha You are so generous to be doing that for your SIL. I bet it is beautiful and so original. AND you'll have all the skills for making your own nursery in the future- how great!

Dory- Thanks! I appreciate your support about talking about my DS. I do feel like I have changed a lot going to school, become more....hmmm...I don't know more adult, mature? But I also got married and bought a condo since I came to school too, so it could be a combination. I do really love medicine, really makes me feel like I can make a difference in some peoples lives.

crumpet- I am counting down the days for you. I could never wait long, but my goal is to wait this cycle too (I wont be testing til April though), but that is always my goal. Keep us updated!

Hi to everyone I missed.....and lots of

[blessedatlast]

Umm.. WOW!! it's been busy in here! I just skimmed the posts, so probably missed lots!

Dory - Great news about your U/S! So happy for you.

Cmeggles - The link for my blog should be at the bottom of my sig but it is My Forever Babies Taite and Seth Then if you click on the pic of them together it takes you to their tribute site that has pics, poems etc..

SusieQ - I am so sorry for the loss of your DD. Welcome to our little thread. You are so early in your grief, it is only this far down the track for me that I realise I was probably numb for the first 4 months. I personally was glad that i had to wait to TTC for medical reasons as it took the decision out of my hands. Maybe you will find the same thing. Just my opinion though, do what feels right for you.

A huge hello to everyone else, there is too much to catch up on!

AFM - Well we are not really TTC ATM but we are not preventing it either.. I got AF only 7 days after I ovulated so when I went back to the natropath she said my Luteal phase was not long enough and I most likely have low progesterone. I am still on herbs, but she has also sent me for blood tests which i have to have 7 days after O then on day 2 of my next cycle, so I am still doing temps and getting a feel for what my cycle actually is. This last cycle was 32 days and I O'd on day 26 according to Fertility friend, but day 24 according to natropath.. Anyway, I have been massively stressed, I have had to do a law essay and I really struggled with it. I finally finished it today though, so hopefully it is good enough, then next Wed we have a 4hr exam on anatomy and physiololgy and chronic health, so I am busy studying THEN on top of all that we have to move next Friday, which will be grat, but the moving part sux and is so expensive. So yeah, I kind of feel like I am drowning at the moment, but in just over a week all the stresses will be over and hopefully I can relax a bit more again.. Well off to study now.... Oh and check Birth notices for Beata

[crumpet]

Crumpet - first things first. YOU are not slow. You joined after I got my good news, and given the forum I am writing in I try and be very circumspect about what I write.

oohhh right i get ya, sorry!! didnt actually think of things like that!!!

Crumpet - how exciting that you are testing soon! !

thanks hun!!!

Hello everyone. I have been reading this forum for a couple of weeks now and thought it was time I said hello and to say congrats to Dory on her pregnancy.

It has been 6 weeks since I lost my DD at 22+4 weeks. She died about an hour after I gave brith to her - she was absolutely perfect in every way but just too small to survive. I can't believe it has only been 6 weeks it feels like such a long time ago. Obviously the hardest 6 weeks of my life! I am very lucky though to have an 18 month old DS who really has kept me going and has made me realise that life just has to go on (even when there are days when I just want to hide in bed)

My first thought after my DD died was that I was never getting pregnant again and then a day or two later all I could think about was TTC again. My OB suggested I wait 3 cycles before TTC again but was wondering what other's OB's had said. I need to wait 3 months anyway as I had to have a couple of blood transfusions and want to make sure I didn't pick up anything nasty before I start TTC again. Also, I am still spotting and was wondering how long others bleed??

oh hun im so so so sorry for the loss of ur DD.....
i lost my son 8 weeks ago and i iknow what you mean about it feeling like it was ages ago....
please take time for yourself when u need it....
my OB recommened we wait for 2 AF's to try again but thats because i had an infection and he said it would just make sure everything was cleared out, but at the same time he said there is no reason why i have to wait for the 2 AF's so we waited for one, and have been trying since then......
with the bleeding i bled for 2 weeks and then spotted for one... not sure if it makes a difference but i had to go to theatre for retained placenta so i apparently got a "good clean out" according to my OB!!

crumpet- I am counting down the days for you. I could never wait long, but my goal is to wait this cycle too (I wont be testing til April though), but that is always my goal. Keep us updated!

lol.... i was advised to wait 2 cycles but at the same time was told we didnt have to, so we decided to go for gold after one cycle instead.... i will do!!

Crumpet - I think you are very strong for not testing in April. But that does mean testing in May right?

AFM - still quite boyouant! Am doing a lot of quiet contemplation about my decision and lots of talks to DH. He's so sweet. He says he doesn't understand it all, and its such a tough decision to make, and he trusts me, that he will fully support whatever decision I make and adopt it as our decision. Wow. In a way its a bit like a burden, but mostly I am just so pleased that we are not on different pages with this.

ill be testing in about 10 days hun.... hopefully i wont have to be testing in april and may as well!!!

how is ur decision making going? u any closer to deciding what to do?

can i just say dory i find u a very inspirational person.....
you a full of great advice and are so very supportive of everyone.....
i know for me personally you have helped me a lot with ur magical words!!