Gigi, i thought about you alot last night in bed, you really are amazing.
I've posted my birth story in the birth story section of the forum, thank you for giving me the strength to do it. i honestly thought i never would. But so many BBer's followed our journey, it feels right to do it now
DF went to the cemetry yesterday to visit Jack and he had an experience.
At his funeral us and our family members released 12 individual monarch butterflies. 1 stuck onto DD2's dress for about 20 mins, then flew onto DD1's arm, then onto my head, then onto the flowers next to his grave. From that day i've seen more monarch butterflies than i care to count. But DF has always just laughed at us when we mention it.
But yesterday he said he was standing there and got very emotional, and at that point a monarch butterfly flew past him and settled on Jakcs grave, as if to tell him its ok. NOW he believes that Jack does come to check on us in butterfly form.
I'm nearly 5 weeks post baby, i havent bled in about a week, but i'm starting to get crampy, hopefully AF isnt too far away!
Gi - .... I just sat looking at the monitor a while before I could type - your last day with DD is just truly beautiful.... thankyou so much for sharing. But I have to run.
Powelly - I am ever so pleased.
Lady Tess - thinking of you.
Skybie - welcome, hugs but I am so sorry I do have to dash.
Welcome back sweets...run hun. Catch up later.
xoxo
Well as for me...I am thinking of raising a puppy for guide dogs qld. I have looked into it, Dh is happy to give it a go and I have asked for permission from our land lord. Fingers crossed they let us, you never know. We thought it might be perfect for us. Yes we have to give it back...but it doesn't die, it goes to a home and impacts a life in such an incredible way, becomes someones best friend.
We thought it might also be a bit of a practise run to see if we still have it in us to have a baby...well without the financial pressure. Also something for us to have...that is ours, even for a short time. We can prepare for the end as much as possible even though it will be hard regardless of our intentions. I thought also it might help with my depression and give us something to parent and love. It might even help us fall pregnant. I know it will raise our spirits.
I think i could be just what we need right now. xoox
Gi - thankyou... thinking of you today.... and raising a guide dog to be, sounds awesome.... it will be hard, but very rewarding and might just do the trick. FX for landlords permission... I for one would never suspect that you were seeking sympathy..... that is not how you carry and honour the memory of your DD at all. Not in the slightest.. you carry her memory with grace and dignity and a deep abiding love. We all need some gentle understanding and tender care, but that is a long way from seeking sympathy. But when everything is so topsy turvey, it's so easy to doubt ourselves.... this I know. Don't be so hard on yourself.... though this too I know is so easy to do. Hugs my dear.
Melzi - I am sorry in my rush yesterday that I didn't welcome you.... I have posted on Zach's thread and got confused.
Skybie - thankyou for posting Jack;s link - I will read it and I will be humbled by it and amazed. I am looking forward to it.
Anyway, I am in a position where I have to dash again. So sorry, it's not meant to be disrespectful to you.
Just popping my head in, I really dont feel I have alot to add atm.
Af has returned; right on time too even though the FS said it could take awhile after the m/c. Had to come on the day I work (Im a swim teacher). So its going to be a fun shift.
We go back to see Dr Sacks tomorrow. I have this irrational fear that he is going to tell us losing all these pregnancies has just been pure bad luck and there is nothing he can do for us. Ive already decided that we wont be TTC again anytime soon if thats the case, I just dont think I could deal with anymore miscarriages right now. I think its likely we'll settle for 3 happy kids and leave it at that. I just feel pushing our luck will end up with even worse consequences, like a later loss than what we've already had. Silly I know but its at the back of my mind. My heart is broken enough from the miscarriages, I am endlessly amazed at all your courage and strength and determination girls dealing with TTC after late losses (and I mean that in the most respectful way!)
Skybie, Ive been following your story since we heard of little Jack's arrival here. I cant say anthing to make it better so I wont, will just send you lots of .
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