TTC after Late Loss, Recurrent Miscarriage or Stillbirth ~ #4 2011

[Gigi1]

Congrats Blessed...wonderful news. xoxoo

[skybie]

so after 3 or so days of bfns, af due yesterday and was a no show, still bfn, me wanting to rip my uterus out and slap it, this morning at 15 dpo i got a clear positive ive barely stopped crying and shaking, i seriously thought all hope was lost this month.
oh and it cam up on a frer not the supposed 10mu internet test!!!
arrgghhh i want to scream it to the world, but i wont i'll keep it tucked up and hidden for a while

[Lady_Tess]

Blessed... SUPER NEWS!!!! your a week behind me.

GiGi - you continue to inspire me... I am stalking you madly this week, waiting for your news that you are feeling so positive about.

Skybie - Do we have a verdict??? did that faintest line become darker in the preceeding days? BUSTING to know.

Chez - Tears in my eyes... Congratulations!!!! You look after yourself.

Tashybabe - I am offering you warm comforting hugs. I cannot offer you any advice, I can only offer you my ear. Vent and rage, thats what we are here for. Lots of loves and hugs sweetie...

AFM - I am having a rough patch, 15 weeks today. dealing with solicitors about matthews death. Some people just shouldnt be in certain feilds.

[skybie]

Lady tess look up!

[TeniBear]

I just spotted the start of your post in Tapatalk, Skybie - congratulations!


Sent from my iPhone so forgive the speelung misstacks

[Lady_Tess]

Skybie - WOOT. I must have been typing my last post while you were typing through tears of joy. I am LOL at your "ripping my uterus out and slapping it" it is amazing I have felt the same way. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!

[issy02]

Oooooo....I just had to pop in here and stalk you Skybie. I had a feeling this might have been the case! Im excited for you, and praying for a happy and healthy pregnancy for you hun....

[blessedatlast]

Congratulations Skybie I know the feeling of wanting to

rip out my uterus and slap it

I think we can all relate Lol

[dory]

Skybie - OMG - well done you! Congrats on that BFP!!!

Blessed - good to see you pop in. Good to hear things are going well with your button.

Judy - good to see you here sweetie.... like everything, sometimes there are is loads of activity in here and sometimes not. You just picked a lull. You didn't chase anyone away. I haven't been in for ages.... a succession of illnesses meant no TTC here... But hopefully that will change? He he.

Tashy - oh sweetie..... my dear sweet blossom. Call me anytime. Anytime. To cry, to ask questions, to yell, to shout. I am here. To talk about Jude and Leo. To talk about anything. I know how lonely the path you are walking is. I know what it's like. The only thing you need to focus on now is you. Be gentle on yourself. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You have crated two beautiful boys. For reasons we will never understand they could not stay, but you have done the most amazing thing of all - created new life with love and anticipation. You are a wonderful mother, never doubt that. NEVER. I know these words seem so hollow when all you want is to be having your boys alive and well at home with you. In the very essence of my being, I know you are anything but a failure, and I know you are a beautiful wonderful mother, wife, daugther, woman.

If you're worried about not being able to do daily tasks - then my suggestion is each day write a list of two or three things and try to do them. It could be (a) have a shower before 5pm (b) unload the dishwasher. I found that doing those lists helped me get a sense that I had achieved something and for a little while helped me feel less aimless each day. I would also make lists for doing nice things for myself like (a) pat the cat (b) smell a flower (c) sit in the sun and just breathe (d) get a hot drink. I kept my little lists, and now when I go back to them it seems so odd, but then I remember the crippling grief, and I remember how those little lists helped me through.

There is no normal now for you for a while, well not normal as you used to know it.... your normal for a little while, is the pain you feel and trying to get through each moment. For me normal was not an option. I tried to go out into the world and often was overwhelmed by it...... I got very used to doing things in the world with tears streaming down my face and ignoring the curious looks of strangers. I got used to sitting the the car crying trying to muster the courage to get out into the world. I got very used to being home alone because it was all too much.

When you're grieving a second time around, people are far less tolerant of your grief, and far less likely to ask after you.

There is a way through my sweet. You don't have to be strong, or brave. You just have to be you and do the best you can every day. You are brave and you are strong, but I know it doesn't feel that way. I also know that people say things like that because they think about themselves and have no idea how they would cope. Coping is doing what you need to do to get through, and it looks brave and strong from the outisde when people don't have access to how it really feels or what thoughts really go through your mind. It's not glamourous, and it's not easy..... but I believe in you. I BELIEVE IN YOU. I carry you and your boys in my heart, always.

[Gigi1]

No go ladies, I have started my next cycle. A minor set back but trying to stay on course. xoxo to all of you cheering me on, please don't give up just yet. xoxo HM x

[Miss.B]

Hello ladies,

Skybie, woot woot! Great work hun, congrats again! Keeping everything crossed for you lovely and lots of sticky vibes for you hun

Lady Tess, big hugs hun

Blessed, GL next Friday hun!

Dory, hello gorgeous, I always love your words of wisdom

Tash, as always, I am always keeping you in my thoughts and your beautiful boys

Gigi, sorry it wasn't your turn YET. I ain't giving up on you my dear friend!

Angelicdragon, hope you're going OK hun

Hello to everone else!

AFM, ain't gona be in here for a while is seems DF told me he needs a breather for a while while he looks for a new job and we look for a house. I sort of got a date out of him (Nov. this year) as I said it had to be this year that we start and it's not good to leave it too close to xmas. Bummer, not happy Jan!!

B xoxox

[Gigi1]

Thanks B. xoxo

Hope the end of the year comes quickly...just for you hun. For me it can come slowly. xoxo

[LysnDan]

Sneaking in...

Gigi- I really hope this cycle is the one for you. I'm not giving up hope! It will happen xxx

Hi girls- hope you're all well xxx

Sending baby dust to y'all

:babydust:

Sneaking out...


Sent from my iPhone (via Tapatalk) so please forgive the spelling mistakes...

[Gigi1]

Hiya LnD, Thank you hun, How's your little bump going? How are you feeling. Boy time is ticking on. xoxo

[LysnDan]

Good Gigi have a trace of perigestational bleed picked up on a scan on thurs... so kind of crapping myself. :/ bit worried but bump is growing. Hr of 176bpm and s/he is 2.3 cms crl! Time is flying. (not fast enough! Lol) Hanging for 12 week scan.

Thanks for asking. I really hope it's your month. Im getting my mummy voice out and demanding that your DH swimmers find and swim into your eggy... and your eggy listens and implants to keep nice and warm... Lol xx much love xx


Sent from my iPhone (via Tapatalk) so please forgive the spelling mistakes...

[skybie]

Gigi hun I'm so sorry this month wasn't yours. I hope AF is being gentle to you xxx

[mummytotwo]

Gigi - a minor set back as you say. The kind of postivity you radiated this month is going to prevail. Hoping for a sticky BFP real soon x
LnD - hope the bleed sorts itself out & all is well at your 12 week scan.
Miss B - sorry DH has put the brakes on. Hope Nov is the magical month for you if not before.
Dory - I hope your run of being ill is over & it's fun times ahead of bd'ing & BFP's. All the best!
AngelicDragon - lol at scaring us away - not gonna happen Hope your travelling along ok...
Skykie - fabulous news sweets - a big congrats from me!
Lady Tess - what a tough time for you. Wishing you strength to get through it all & to deal with the people who make times like this all the more difficult.
Compassion should be a pre requisite for some of these professions!!
AFM....guess I am in the 2WW altho not feeling part. confident. Only DTD a couple of times (CD14 & 15) but throwing it out there anyway. Not sure how I will feel if I ever get to see those 2 bluelines again. I told you guys about DH sperm DNA fragmentation issues right - 81% which is off the richter of bad. After a month plus of clean living we decided to get back on the horse anyway. Already having 2 perfect chillens we are just going to let the universe decide our fate. I am fed up with waiting quite frankly. Anyway, enough already....
Hi to everyone I've missed - thinking of you all xxxx

[Gigi1]

LND- Bugger hun, hope it all clears up with no hassels for little cherub in there. I hope it will be fine. Keep us in touch, we think of you often. I just can't believe you are nearly 10 wks...crazy brilliant!

Skybie- Thanks my friend. Yep...i will be in toe, you just watch. Close up your rear...hope you don't mind

MT2- Well I will e confident for you darl, good luck....not that you will need it. I hope with all my heart you get the surprise of your life and the universe decided to help you complete your little family. You are a patient lady and that deserves rewarding.

LadyT- Glad I can inspire but my love...I am in awe of you. What you must be dealing with right now would blow my mind. Your little moosh growing on the inside and Matthew a close reminder on your shoulder. Which i know you can handle but to top it off dealing with legalities and solicitors...my darling girl you are amazing. It is incredible what strength our children can give us hey! I hope you only have kind and open people to deal with from hear on in...but as that might be a stretch, I am sending you the strength to deal with them. My Psychologist said the other day a little quip to remember when we are floored with someones idiocy...'Stupid people, say stupid things!' Just so true... and sure we can all be stupid and innocently so sometimes, but how true for the most part. xoxo Thinking of you and vent in here anytime should you need to get it off your chest. xoxoxo

AFM- Well it a fresh start...I have to run right now but will be back later. xoxo
Ok, i am back. It has been a long day with my adorable nephews and I am fading fast so will keep it quick. AF has been quite a deal this month...not nice at all and I am a bit over her already... CD3 nearly done and gone...and counting. Note to self- must order more Ov sticks.
My neck has been interesting- stiff and very sore. Today has been a huge improvement and it is almost back to normal. Not nice when you can't wash your hair without pain, get toilet paper without feeling your neck will break...oh yes, it have been an interesting and agonising few days. I tend to think it was emotionally linked but apart from the obvious...i can't work it out. Anyway the main thing is- it has improved tenfold.
A lot going on in my head right now but for now...under control. xoxo
A bit flat in mood to be writing for myself so i will leave it there. it is always hard to find the chirpy things to talk about when you are so tired. xoxo