EmilyJames- I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your little Jelly Bean. to you. Hope you and your DH are looking after each other.
How is everyone else doing??
AFM I'm still waiting for my AF/ + preg test... Should have had my AF yesterday, but not here yet, and I still have only negative HPT's. Last time I didn't get a '+' untill 2 days after AF was due, and it was very faint.
So I guess we'll just have to wait and see...
Mto2, Sorry hun, that is not the news i was hoping for from you. Hope you get a relaxing few days while your body prepares for another round. oxxo
CD11/12 for me and preparing for Ov. My body is having a hard time with estrogen atm and it is so frustrating. These last couple of months have meant tired liver, pimply skin, bla bla bla. I am so over it. There is only so proactive i can be really. I am sure i am burying my head in the sand to a certain extent just due to be over testing and trying to work it all out. Forking out the money to put our health first and try to have a baby. It is madness. There is so many things i could be doing and we have reached a wall with finances lately. My body loves the state of pregnancy if and when it gets there. While i was preg with DD i felt the healthiest, grounded i have ever been. Oh please get us there again. I am not sure what else i can do.
Ok, well better go and get things in order. Body Corp meeting in the morning and I am optimistic it will go well and by this time next week we will have a puppy to concentrate on...a wonderful distraction from TWW. I am so optimistic that i have bought 4 packs of Schmackos as they were on sale!
Gi - FX for your body corp meeting tomorrow. The wait for the meeting has seemed endless. Keep strong my dear, is about all else you can do, and remember to live a little too....though I know it's hard not to just be so focused on what you need to do. Hugs.
TJ - so any news?
Mt2 - thankyou for your lovely words a while ago. I just went back and found them. I am sorry it's ground hog day for you. Are your emotions any more predicatable?
Sky - how are you going?
Lady Tess - you too?
Tashy - I know you might be taking a break from in here, but you are never far from my thoughts.
B - how is your little Cam? How are you going? You were a bit low a few posts ago. Did you get any good news from your meeting with the FS? November is not too far away now.
Sorry to anyone I have missed. It's not intentional.
Well. I am one step closer to really TTC rather than having no idea. Little HB has decided to go on a nursing strike. 2 weeks so far. She is otherwise happy and healthy and eating well. She refuses EBM. I was devastated that I didn't make the decision as to the timing of that part of our relationship ending, but am getting better at accepting it. No cycle yet and HB is 11 months old. So the next step is to wait to see when and if my cycle returns now my prolactin levels will be dropping. Have an appointment with my Obs/Gyn/FS ( yep all in one) in November. So will see what has happened by then.
So here's the rub. I am pretty excited to be one step closer to TTC, but so fearful for heartache. I know it's a little self indulgent. After all I am very blessed. But still....
Here's a question. Do you ever just get disappointed in yourself and the way you handled a situation or reacted to something? Seems like almost a daily occurrence for me at the mo. I just hope I learn from each time I am disappointed in myself, so hopefully I can change my behaviours. Time will tell huh?
Well, better run. Have a couple of things to do before I try to catch some zzz's.
Dores...yes yes yes, i do get a bit that way now and then...often. I am pretty hard on myself and i expect perfection from me- very unrealistic and i work on it daily to be a better person....ha there i go again. Gosh we can be hard on ourselves. I try to forgive myself a little more often and that is a huge step.
Something big for me that has happened in the few days...I told a happy secret to someone i shouldn't have and I am really upset with myself for how i handled it and what i did. I hope the situation doesn't bite me in the butt and it breezes on past with having just learned a lesson. I am pretty good at keeping secrets....not good at happy ones. I thought i had this one under control though and it escaped me. I was so disappointed in myself over it. Grrrr.
As for my reactions, I am one that sometimes reacts a bit too late. Only because i am prone to over reacting and i now give myself time to mull it over. I i am backed into a corner i can explode and I hate confrontation with a passion. I get myself in knots about it.
You are wonderful dear dory, don't you worry about that. You are human and a very good one at that. hugs to you lovely. xoxoxo
Gigi - thanks for having faith in me & thinking this could have been my month!
Praying you get to have your puppy - whay a wonderful distraction that would be
Dory- you are most welcome sweets. My emotions build up as my cycle progresses, come crashing down when af arrives
& then start building up again as the hope ofanother cycles kicks in. Lately though I've thought
what if I never get to see that +ve pg test, what if it never happens again?? It almost feels beyong my reach?
I am sure this is just cycle-day-1-blues but does anyone else ever feel like this?
Anyway, tomorrow will be a better day & every day I pray we get the miracles we deserve.
Love to all xxxx
Mto2, i do get that feeling often and as time has gone on I have felt it for longer each cycle. Usually by Ov i can get back on the bike, but it is has been a struggle some months. Breaks my heart to entertain that i might not have a child, with feet on this planet. I try not to go there but sometimes my days become a juggle of falling to that place and throwing myself back into the journey that we have. I hope you get to complete your family just as you have dreamed.
Dores, i forgot to say how excited i was to read that you are nearly ready to ttc again. I know you are strong enough to handle whatever comes. I am however sorry you didn't get to plan and prepare for the cease of bfing, the only thing i must say is, at least HB was ready and she felt no turmoil on her part. I remember my milk drying up and how upset i was over that. I can only imagine how it is to have let that bond grow even more. Hugs hun lxoxo
Everyone....we got through the Body Corp meeting and finally after many months of trying to make this work...we can be puppy raisers for Guide Dogs. A very exciting day here today. xoxoxo
One man proved a bit difficult and remains on a No vote but hey, i will just stay out of his way. xoxo
Gi - Yay for impending fur kids..... hmm next question, do you get to choose a colour (if the dog is a labrador)? You have to give them back right, the puppies? I will be here to hold your hand when that day comes and cry with you.
I fostered some kittens once from the rspca and had to return them. I was so distraught that two days later we went to liberate them, but they had already been rehomed. Was a big lesson to me. I kinda did it on impluse and didn't give DH any input.... he told me it would be hard to give them back and I brushed him off. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes.
Thanks for your kind words of support I appreciate them.
Anyway, got to run.
Mt2 - I don't have those feelings yet, but we'll see. Keep strong.
EJ - how are you doing? Thinking of you. And sending you big hugs.
Oh I am not particularly religious but I listen to a religious radio station. I heard today that someone called Nathan Tasker's wife's twins were born extremely premature and died. My heart just aches for anyone that has to experience the death of their child. But what gave me heart? The radio announcer called it a heart breaking tragedy. Which it is. Just nice to hear someone else say it?
Dores, thanks hun. I will need that i think. I am reminding myself everyday that there is an end to keep in mind. Not that it will help much. I suspect I am going to find a real little friend following me around.
You are a brave woman, giving something up is a big deal. I reassure myself that i have had to give up my child in a way, let go... so this will not be as bad.
oxox
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