Dory - I hope you're feeling better. That sucks people are not being sensitive. You're right, I am weary. I feel like I've spent so much time just sad and grieving. Which is understandable but I need to be able to develop some kind of life irrespective of the pain. Good luck TTCing this month.
Gigi - you must be getting so excited about getting your pup. I hope the TWW is treating you kindly.
BAL & Lady Tess - I hope you're staying sane. There's so much waiting to do but you don't want any excitement in subsequent pregnancies. Dull, boring, uneventful and healthy is what you want.
AFM. It's now 12 weeks since we said goodbye to little J. I miss our little boys so much. I should be 35 weeks pregnant today. Crap, I just realised, Monday will be 35wk3d, which is when L came, and on a Monday too. Well, it seems I am just tripping over dates I wasn't even anticipating.
I feel like I should be better. i can't remember what I was like 12 weeks after L died. I centrainly wasn't back at work. I was hoping to be back at work by now, but it just doesnt seem to be working out that way. I suppose having 2 babies die in a year means it is logical grief etc would be worse, not better. Somehow I was thinking I would be better at it this time. Afterall, I've been down this path before. Wouldn't it be easier by now?
Fathers Day was dificult but we got through. DH seemed OK. He got a couple of lovely cards. My sleep improved, then got worse after Fathers Day.
We're seeing an OB next week for a pre-pregnancy appointment. I spent a day going back and forth, writing up our history before emailing it to her with a copy of L's autopsy & DNA results. It's depressing going over their births and deaths. But I'd rather she had a heads up before we go in to see her. This is all a way to see if we like her and can work with her and get on her client book. OBs book up so fast. We're still very happy with our IM, but given everything we've been through, we need access to Fetal Medicine people and I want a NICU nearby if we ever end up birthing a live baby. I handed my dream for a homebirth up to the universe as an offering for a healthy, living baby.
Have I mentioned my paranoia? I wont go back to the office as there's an electrical substation in the building, about 5 metres from my desk. As we have no real answers as to why we've had 2 babies in a row with fatal, unrelated conditions, I am avoiding EMFs as much as possible. I'm eating less processed food, turning the wifi & powerpoints off at night, all sorts of things. We may never know why these things happened to our boys, but I'm doing what I can to prevent them, if possible, in future. I just need to remember to eat....
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