dory. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. There's no way you should apologise. If anyone wants to be disrespectful to my boys, I wouldn't have anything to do with them either, though they'd have an earful/boot up the backside. Who the hell do they think they are? I feel angry and disgusted on your behalf. All we have of our angels in their memories and it's important to protect them. It's not like they can defend themselves. Good on you for being a mama lioness.

Gigi - that's exciting about getting your puppy. A pity you can't show pics or post more about her, but that's ok. You soon get to have puppy cuddles and have a small bundle with a waggy bum tripping over your feet

Sorry to hear about the digestion issues. I hope you can sort it out. I need to call a gastro person to look at mine, which I'm putting off. I have gluten intolerance and am worried about celiac.

With Spain - it's a tack on to our UK trip. DH's Dad live in Spain. We'll be seeing Andulucia, which I'm very excited about. I am trying to learn Spanish. I need to get a guide book so we can finalise accommodation and book the Alambra.

I want to plant more herbs and vegies in pots. I love picking my own herbs to cook with. I love the smell of jasmine - it always makes me smile. We gave people little pots of Alyssum at J's funeral and I have it growing in pots. It smells like honey.

S&S - I hope you're OK and not too stressed in the TWW. When do you find out?

hi to everyone else.

AFM. Just got off the phone in tears to Centrelink about the paid parent leave. I needed to check details and it was so painful. Can't have been pleasant for guy at the end of the phone, but he was taking so long and didn't know anything. I guess they dont deal with dead baby parents often.

At least I have the information so I can get the form filled out. I am slowly working through a big long To Do list, trying to tick off tasks everyday. I had a good day out yesterday - even went shopping. I haven't bought new clothes in ages, so that was nice, though the mummy tummy is depressing. I'm trying to work on that too. I've started a Couch to 5K program and signed up for weekly pilates. I'm off to Medicare soon. So much excitement.

I've been charting and watched my temps take a dive at 9dpo. I was sure AF would arrive. I'm concerned about luteal phase defect though acupuncture man says not to worry. AF still hasnt arrived, so maybe I might scrape through to a 'normal' LP this time. Anything over 12 days would be a bonus. Over the last few years I've watched it get shorter & shorter. I was on progesterone with L & J but dont want to take anything in future pregnancies, so i need my body to get better.

We had a meeting with the OB - she was really lovely and has agreed to do shared care with our IM, so I feel better about that. Still hate the idea of another hospital birth, but I've decided I want access to a paediatrician, so that's the plan. Unless we manage to have a healthy, living child who arrives at home before I have time to work out what's going on. One of those "cross that bridge when we get there" things really. I don't know if I can believe we ever get to have a take home baby. I hope so, but I can't believe it.