Lynn, I hope I haven't done anything to upset you. Please just let us know that you are ok. Sorry to bother you with the emails, texts, I am really starting to get worried.
Lynn, the first thing that I want to say is that you are NOT a failure. It is so unfair on yourself to think that way, there is nothing that you could have done to save Cooper and what happened to him was not your fault. I know that your head knows this but I also know how hard it is to convice your heart of this when you are feeling so low. I am so sorry to hear that your sister is being so inconsiderate towards you. I know that it is easy to say, but you cannot change how people are so I think you have to change how you let it affect you, well that is what I have tried to do in the last few months. People just don't understand what it is like for us to have lost a baby, and how it so totally engulfing it is to live with this emptyness everyday. It is going to be hard on you for the next few months with your sister being pregnant, but do not let that or her stop you from TTC and fullfilling your dream of bringing home your baby. Because it will happen Lynn, it will. I have only known you for a couple of months and we have only met twice, but honestly you are one of the sweetest, amazing and bravest people I know, and I hate to see this get the better of you. I know that you must be feeling so lonely right now, but we are all here fighting this long hard battle together, so don't ever think you can't come here and vent. I hope you are feeling a little better and please know that I will be thinking of you and your little man Cooper tommorrow.
Kel.
Spring - Have you heard from the MIL? Wow, that email was really well written. I think you did it in a good way, you told her your feelings without being petty or nasty, so she can't say later you were being a b**ch ( I censored myself there) You have also made it clear that you are leaving room for reconciliation. It is stuff she needs to know. I hope you feel a little better getting it out.
Mel - Have you held off testing again? Ooh i was so tempted this morning, but then I thought about how Deb said that it takes 5 days for implantation etc so I held off. I decided I would try one in about a week, but I don't feel like I will get the BFP this month even after all that BD'ing. Oh well, I guess I can get on the Pina Colada's in Bali then.
Flowerchild - I hope you are feelingbetter. Due dates are hard aren't they. Yeah, coping ok without my new hubby. He find's it so hard to leave DS though, he had massive tears in his eyes yesterday morning when he had to go. My ticker says 12 days till testing, but I am going to try one in about a week, but as I just said to Mel, I don't feel overly confident.
Oh Lynn honey, I am sorry if this is not my place to say but I feel like slapping your sister in the face.
I am disgusted and angry that you are having to go through anymore pain. It is her right to have a baby, don't get me wrong, but she has no right to disrespect you as her sister or as a person. It is not Ok just to blurt out that she is pregnant, your reaction is totally warranted and natural. I don't blame you for feeling sick to the stomach and betrayed. I don't know why she is conducting herself like this... There is no reason that is good enough. Surely she knew the effect that her pregnancy would have on you. I know that one day you will be able to be happy for her, but she has to realise that you are going through an intense grieving period and need to be taken extra special care of.
I don't know what to say to make it better, I don't know if there are any words that are good enough. All I know is that I am here for you.
I am home tomorrow, I am spending the day with my friend from Brisbane, but I am here to talk to you 24/7 if you want to talk. I also respect that you might want to be left alone so I am here for whatever you need. Also, If you want me to ring your sister and tell her off I'll do that too.
Just hang in there sweetie. Will your mum be with you tomorrow? I want to drop a little something off to you. My friend will be with me but she has offerred to wait it in the car if it would be more comfortable. If you just want to be left alone, I also totally understand.
Lynn, huge :hugs: to you. I so wish I could do more to help you, but the only thing I can try to do is encourage you not to let your so called sister alter your path. You have been TTC for while now and dont let her stop you, it is something that is really important to both you and DH and you need to live your life for yourselves. As I said last night, you dont have to go through a pregnancy with her. You dont have to go through anything with her. There is no law that says just because she is your sister you have to communicate with her, and there is certainly no law that says you have to be happy for her and support her! If you happen to get pregnant you will be going through it with all of us (preggies and non preggies) in here, not her. You will have all of our support through everything and, sadly for your sister, you will also have your mums support and I guarantee you her main concern is you at the moment and when you eventually get to announce your own pregnancy your mum will feel so overjoyed, and you will STILL be giving her an earth grandchild - whether your baby is first born or not I promise you yours and DHs next baby will always have a special bond with your parents simply because they will be Cooper's brother or sister.
Please dont be so hard on yourself, you did not fail anybody! Do you remember an email I wrote to my mum recently which I showed you and asked your opinion for? Well I said a similar thing in that and you told me I didnt fail, so if I didnt fail Nicholas you certainly didnt fail Cooper. Do you want to know what my mums response to that was? She told me that it made her sad I felt that way, especially because out of everyone I was the one who was missing out the most. She said I need to remember that I got ripped off in this life as well, and I really want to say that to you too (and remember mums know everything )
Ok well I have babbled enough now, you know we are always there for you and I am so proud that you found the courage to post. You have strength that you dont even realise you have, I know you feel like you have taken 200 steps back, but put that selfish person out of your mind and focus or you and the people you care about and most importantly care about you. She is totally not worth your energy and I really do believe what goes around comes around - it may not be immediately but it will be eventually.
Take care of yourself and you know how to get me if you need to b**ch or cry or anything
Spring - Dont worry too much about MIL not replying just yet. Maybe she needs some time to digest what she has read and think about it before she responds. I have a feeling you will hear from her eventually, and if you dont I think you officially have just cause to write her off completely - no point in
Bailey - Would you believe me if I said I have actually held out and not done another test? It is killing me though and I am very tempted to try tomorrow but I wonder if it is still a little too early? I also dont have a very good feeling this month but at this stage it is out of my hands and I wont worry too much until AF actually arrives... then I will be a complete mess. I will still keep my fingers crossed for you this month though.
Deb - The TWW is torturous!!! I am trying to chill out a bit though, what will be will be - but I think it is only easy to say atm cause I know it is still early. Getting closer to the time I will be stressing out. I am sorry you are feeling a bit flat, I can imagine how hard it is for you that your friend is due within a week of your angels EDD. My sister had a bub 2 months after Nicholas was born and another friend 3 months after, and since then there seems to be pregnancies and babies everywhere When was your actual due date? I would like to know so I can think of you and them on the day.
Lynn: please give Cooper a kiss for me today. His is my heart and in my thoughts, as are you. Happy 4month birthday little man. You are an incredible and strong woman.
Flowerchild: Honey, please take care of yourself in the lead up to your angel's EDD. It is a very upsetting and challenging time with all the what ifs. Don't give up on this cycle, I have everything crossed for a magical this month. Seeing our friends carry on to have earth babies can be such a time of mixed emotion. I hope you are feeling a little better. Huge :hugs: my sweetie.
Mel: hang in there babe, that TWW is coming to a close. This sunday isn't is? Have you tested again? I know you said you wanted to wait until Saturday to test but I wouldn't blame you if you had already done a hundred by now. I have everything for you.
Bailey: How are you sweetie, has the TWW begun? Sounds like you and DH gave it a really good go this month. Have a fantastic hen's day on Sunday, you deserve to be spoilt big time.
Just a quick update from me. Long story, seems unimportant in the scheme of life, but step FIL called yesterday and after an hour long converstation said that he was deleting the email before MIL saw it. She tried to call last night but I let it go to the answering machine. To be honest, who cares, I'm over it, they are just not worth it. I am more worried for you Lynn and am not going to let silly little things cloud my vision.
Well I'm off to spend a day with my friend. Lynn, I am going to give you a call shortly, so if you want to ignore it and be left alone, I totally understand.
Thank you so much for all the wonderful support I have received from you beautiful girls. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you. The phone calls, emails and text are so appreciated just to know that I have so many people that care about me. Thank you so much
I don't wish anything bad on anyone, how could I. I would hate for anyone to have to go through what we have gone through. Spring you are so right that I can't tell her or anyone else when to have a baby but it is just the timing and insensitivity that hurts the most.
Spring - your email to your MIL was written from your heart but you used your head as well. It was beautiful written in that you expressed your feelings without hurting her feelings. Isn't it funny (not ha ha) how compassionate us girls are and how sensitive we are when trying to get our feelings across to other people yet they don't seem to think about our feelings. I guess if we can take anything out of all of this, is that our beautiful precious angels made us a better person. I hope you get the reply from her shortly. I would love to see you today. Give me a call and let me know what time you are dropping in because I am going to go for a walk with my girls and mum at some point. Need the fresh air. Oh and don't leave your friend in the car! You know that is illegal! She is more than welcome to come in. If it is who I think it is, I would love to meet her.
Mel - you are so right in everything that you have said. Thank you for the phone call the other night. It made me realise that I have a wonderful support group and that you guys are there for me no matter what. I'm actually glad that you called and encouraged me to post because I think that it has helped me, I can't thank you enough :hugs:
I still have everything crossed for you for this month Mel. I so want it to be your month. I will be so excited if you annouce your BFP!!!! Stay positive babe.
Nat - thank you. It is good to hear how others have responded and acted in a similar situations. It is that feeling of "am I normal" in what I am feeling and doing, but you right, it is so normal.
Bailey - thank you for your words.......all true. Thank you for your kind words also. I have only met you and the only girls about 3 months ago but I feel like I have known you all for a lifetime. I guess it is because we are all part of the same 'club'. While I wish none of us were in the club, I am so glad that I have met you all.
How are you feeling anyway, Mrs Bailey!
Deb - thank you for all the o vibes. Well today is CD20 and I have had another BT. Last Friday as you know my levels went down but I had an u/s and had 5 follies, not sure how or what the measurement is but on my left was 9.8 and 11.3 and on my right was 9.0, 14.5, and 16.0. The 16.0 looks like it is the one. They told me that they need to be between 16.0-18.0. The good things is that both sides are producing because I was worried that I was only firing off one side because of the PCO. I had a BT on Monday and the levels have gone up so hopefully this afternoon I will have more good news (don't I need it!!!). Anyway I guess I can't be too hard on myself as it is only CD20 and the last cycles I have o'd on CD22 and CD26 - could be in for a very busy weekend
I hope you don't mind me joining in this thread. I have been meaning to join these chat groups for a while but haven't got that involved really. Also, after reading your post it brings back memories for me - i have a sister just like yours and i think i know how you feel !!!
First of all i am deeply sorry to hear about little Cooper and secondly i am sorry to hear you have an insensitive sister and thirdly you are no way a failure - you are a survivor and are a stronger and better person! (Ladies - i am sorry to hear about your little angels too - wish there weren't so many of us mums and dads in this situation)
I hope you don't mind me telling you about "my little sister". I do love her but it has been "about her" for as long as i can remember. My father died 10 years ago now and he was a very strong man and would stir the shi* out of us girls (there are 3 of us and i am middle child - but i don't suffer from middle child syndrome LOL) to make us stronger. I think it worked for myself and my older sister but for my younger one i think she took advantage of the fact that dad was not there anymore. Even though she played up alot while he was around (doing the bad things that teenagers do) it seems she hasn't grown out of it and she is now 33. When i got married 3.5 years ago she said to my mum "it should have been me instead"...like WTF !!! I fell pregnant straight away and hey so did she (and she announced it very early). We were due at the same time but hers came first as she needed a CS. No problem i was happy for her and i believe she was happy for me. Then she fell again 3 months after having her first. Everyone said what is she doing !!! My friends would say - you know she is competing with you and wants to "beat you" and i was like - it is not a race and i don't care. Now i find her complaining every day now (having nervous breakdowns as she puts it - i don't think these are the real ones) about not being able to cope with two toddlers....
Everything that you say to her gets turned around about her (just like your sister) and is usually negative as if you said something awful when in fact you were saying something acceptable/normal !!! I don't get it with my sister some times - i really have to watch what i say. Sometimes it is best not to say anything at all.
The disappointing thing is that my mum feels for her as if she has all the problems in the world. I just think to myself..."well you know once you have lost a baby those problems (and other peoples minute problems) are nothing".
When my baby died my sister never rang to see how myself or DH were doing (and still hasn't) - i do think she cannot cope with it being brought up and doesn't want to upset me but at the same time i think - you know you are bloody family and you can ask how we are doing! At my son's funeral she said to my mum "i can do whatever i want to Tommy's coffin" when mentioning she wanted to put roses over it. I went off ! Like hell she can do that without asking. I thought WW3 was going to break out and i tell you my fists were ready. I was so angry and disgusted and i was happy never to talk or see her again.
We all know what our family members and friends are like but when a devastating event happens (like losing a baby) i think we truly find out what they are really like (even more). It is hard for your sister to contain her emotions about her pregnancy and yes sure she should think before she acts but some people just don't get it. When this happens to me i just stay clear when i can. Just a few weeks after we lost our baby a girlfriend rang me to say she was 6 weeks pregnant - with so much excitement. I was happy for her but at the same time saying to myself "yeh good on ya !"...i keep my conversations with her further apart so i don't have to "hear it" so often.
As i have been told just stay away from those that offend and near to those who help. You have a terrific support group here - well really the best as everyone here has gone through the same situation and truly understand how you are feeling. Please stay positive for yourself and just focus on yourself and your mind/body - that is all that matters now doesn't it ?
Tommysmum - thank you so much for your post. Please know that you are more than welcome to join this thread. You are so right - this is a terrific support group, they are wonderful women and I don't know what I would do without them.
I am so sorry for the loss of your father and of your baby. I am also sorry that you have had to go through this without the support of your sister. Some of the things she has said and done to you is just so................hurtful and insensitive and I am sorry that you had to hear those things. You are right though, I do have to stay positive and remember what my dream is and never lose sight of that. Thank you again, and I hope to see you around here more often.
Nat - thank you so much for today, I really needed it. You have so much knowledge and I am so glad that I have you around to share some of it and help me through this. I hope you had fun tonight. Talk soon
Mel - how are you going babe? Have been thinking of you. Did you test today. I hope you got your BFP. My fingers and toes are crossed for you.
Deb - how are you feeling? I have been thinking of you and I hope you are doing 'ok'.
Spring - hope you had a good day today in Canberra. Did you get to see DH? How did the new clothes go?
Bailey - how are you going? Any news on your bfp???? Not long now until your trip. I bet you can't wait! Can I come too??????
Klee - I think of you often. Let us know how you are going. I know what it is like to always think that you will hear bad news but I hope that you get some good news on Monday. I will be thinking of you. I too got a skin infection not long after I had Cooper. They called it 'hormonal eczema'. My fingers were like they had been in water for a month. They were very hyper-sensitive and dry. The dr said it was to do with trauma and grief so whenever I got upset, it would make them worse. Every now and then I still get it. Big :hugs: to you and your family.
Hi to everyone else
I'll be back later to tell you all about my bt and u/s...........all I can say is
to all of you other lovely ladies.
you O asap :hugs:
Registered User
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It is killing me though and I am very tempted to try tomorrow but I wonder if it is still a little too early? I also dont have a very good feeling this month but at this stage it is out of my hands and I wont worry too much until AF actually arrives... then I will be a complete mess. I will still keep my fingers crossed for you this month though.
When was your actual due date? I would like to know so I can think of you and them on the day.
You are an incredible and strong woman.
this month. Seeing our friends carry on to have earth babies can be such a time of mixed emotion. I hope you are feeling a little better. Huge :hugs: my sweetie.
for you.
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