TTC after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the 1st Trimester March 2007
If you have found yourself in this forum you no doubt have had a painful journey. TTC after recurrent miscarriage/stillbirth or Late Loss takes special courage and support. The aim of this forum is to provide a place where women who have endured loss can share their stories, friendships, treatments and triumphs!
My greatest wish is that you all leave this forum with nice big fat positives in the shortest possible time!!!
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or alternately you may contact Kelly at info@bellybelly.com.au (however she may take a little longer to respond at times!).
We appreciate all your feedback as it does help to make our forums a much happier, relaxed place to chat! We will always take your comments seriously - all comments are treated confidentially...
Also, don't forget to check out the informative BellyBelly Conception Articles.
Wow a new thread already, it seems like only a week ago the other one was started. There are not many of us in this thread but geez we can certainly fill it up
And I am sure I hold no responsibilty in that LOL
Nat - how are you and the family? I have been thinking of you.
Spring - how is lil' Spring treating you? Not long now and you will be able to share your exciting news with your family. The MIL is a tough one - any decisions yet?
Deb - I'm so glad that your eggies held on. Now I am sending you vibes.
Bailey - when's your 'wedding'? Are you buying a new dress or anything?
Mel - thanks for the chat yesterday. I really needed it.When I got off the phone, DH said 'who have you been flapping your gums to' (charming isn't he!) I said it was you and he asked how long we had been talking for because he was trying to ring. I said 'oh about 4 hours'. My mum also rang last night and said that she had been trying to ring. But when I told her I was on the phone to you, she said as long as it helps it doesn't matter how long you talk for - exactly!! Your hourly rate is cheaper than my counsellor and you can respond! Hope you are ok today - thinking of you :hugs:
Well yesterday was a tough day for me. We had the flowers on Cooper's coffin preserved and framed. I went and picked them up and I guess it was harder than I thought. It brought back alot of memories from 'that' day. I am glad that I have them though, another thing in his memory.
Today I went to my friends place because her 2 year old has been asking for me. DH was there on Friday and she kept asking DH where's Lynnie. It was nice to see her again as I haven't seen her since I had Cooper. I didn't find it hard so that was good. Today's a good day which is a nice change........
It's very quiet here today, maybe you will be around later.
Dream: hey sweetie, I hope today was a kind day to you. Big :hugs: to you and your fam.
Lynn: I am sorry that yesterday was so tough but I am glad to hear that today was better for you. It must have been really hard collecting the flowers, but you are brave for doing it. They must be beautiful, another touching reminder of your sweet little son.
Mel: Hey babe, how is the week treating you? Have you got any more work from the agency. It must be hard to balance all of the offers of work but I am sure you will do what is best. Just say no if you don't want to go. You deserve a bit of down time to just relax. Did you ever end up getting the mobile phone saga sorted? Hope you are ok honey.
Flowerchild I know that DH got back today so glad to see that you are not in here and enjoying time with that wonderful hubby of yours. Sending you all the c'mon eggie and vibes I can muster.
Bailey: Not long now until the big day. Ooohh how exciting. As Lynn said what are you going to wear? I love weddings no matter how big or small so if you need a hand with anything, just let me know.
Well I have had a bit of a blah day. Nothing specific upset me, well no more than usual. Just feeling a bit down. Doesn't help that the stupid saving babies ad for tonights show is about a baby boy called Harrison. I saw the ad while watching Biggest Loser, I guess it just really upset me.
Anyway, going to have a long hot shower (sorry water restrictions) and off to bed.
Dream - How are you and your family today? I hope you are all doing ok
Flowerchild - Yay on the eggie's behaving themselves. I hope you have a nice day in bed tomorrow
Lynn - I am glad to hear that you are feeling better today. My aunt dried some of the roses from Asha's funeral too, and I find them sad to look at, but I am happy that I have them, as it isnother thing that I have of her. As for my 'wedding' well, I would hardly call it that, but it is next friday. I'm not going to buy a dress or anything, I'll just drag something out of the cupboard, lol, i told you this is the half-@rsed wedding of the year.
Spring - That is a good idea that you an DH are going to tell the family together, I am so excited for you. It's good in a way that you are interstate so that you can hide your belly for longer. Keep in mind though that you will probably show a lot quicker this time. Well, that's what they say anyway. When are you going to tell work? Thanks for the offer on helping with my 'wedding of the year', but seriously, we are going to the registry, getting it over and done with and then maybe, if he's lucky, i'll let him take me out to dinner. I'm such a romantic aren't I? Actually that all sounds really bad, I don't mean it to, I am happy about being married, I just don't enjoy the fuss.
Mel - I have been admiring your ticker again, and it looks like you are in the Big O area. Is that right? I hope you are getting down to business then. March is the month for us all I think.
Sorry your feeling a bit flat today, if you need anything, you know I am here I can understand why seeing the ad upset you a little, I get a little sad just hearing the name Nicholas sometimes, you know when you are in the shopping centre or something and you hear someone calling their child... and lets face it, there are quite a Nicholas' out there is not an uncommon name really! I hope the long hot shower helped a little, I am guilty of quite a few long hot showers myself so dont feel too bad.
I did end up buying a phone, I bought an LG Chocolate phone - its pretty cool, touch buttons like at the ATM. And actually I took an assignment today doing audiotyping for a pathology company which is perfect (no customer relations, lets face it people are very rude and I can do without) and exactly what I was looking for. It starts Monday and goes through until 18th May so it gives me guaranteed work for a couple of months. Not enough time to become too friendly with people but enough time to give me a little stability for a while iykwim.
Anyway, I hope your night gets a little better - choccie always helps as you know Is DH home this weekend? Oh and 13 weeks tomorrow YAY! But hey who's counting?
I am such a bimbo sometimes, I was gonna write to everyone else too and just hit submit - nice one!
Lynn - No need to thank me, thats what friends are for :hugs: And your mum is right, if it helps what does it matter. My psych was costing me $265 for 45 mins and I didnt feel anywhere near as good as you and Spring make me feel after a phone chat I am glad you had a better day today, how cute is it that the little 2 year old has been asking for you? Certainly cant hurt the ego! I can imagine how hard it was picking up the flowers, these things are really hard to do arent they. I think in the long run it will help you to have such beautiful memories of Cooper though, and I bet he is really proud of his Mummy.
Nat - :hugs: to you and your family, I hope everyone is doing ok under the circumstances. Take care of yourself.
Deb - vibes coming your way!
Hi to everyone else - Bailey, Michelle, Clare (havent heard how your going in a while), and anyone I have missed.
DH went to dr tonight and his shoulder is fine and probably just a torn muscle and the lesion he had removed is innocent so thats a weight off our minds - finally something positive!
I get my opk's from Lullaby conceptions Jodie is an absolutely gorgeous woman who is very helpful and willing to answer questions. Jodie regularly answers questions in the opk forum . I always find the tests to be accurate and easy to use.
speaking of which I have got an almost positive tonight YIPPPPPEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! In fact it's so close to a positive that I will call it one! I had a strong second line at 12 (2 shades lighter though than the positive) at 5.30 stronger line again and at 8.30 an almost positive. So, you can see from tht that it can be easy to miss the beginning of the surge. I am assuming tomorrow I will have a true positive - though this line here is so close to positive that I am splitting hairs! So, I had better get out of here and get jiggy with it!!!!!
Spring, so sorry to hear about your rental propery troubles. I hope that soon you will feel not so cross and then able to share Lil Spring with everyone!
Mel , Lynn and Bailey sending you both vibes. Let's get this show on the road!!!!!!
Hi everyone,
awww big hugs to Lynne and Spring. It is really really difficult negotiating in law relationships sometimes. I truly understand your hurt Spring and Lynne.
Lynne it sounds like your MIL has some boundary issues there. It was really not okay to contact a health professional on your behalf - and I am really surprised that they took the bullet and contacted you. Maybe your MIL just doesn't know how to help and maybe she is a "doer"and that is why she did what she did. It still wasn't the right thing but maybe that's why? Some folk find it really really tough just to sit with someone else's pain - it is so very common a complaint amongst grieving people. Outsiders feel "it's time they moved on". Often this is born from their discomfort with sadness, grief and death. I know this doesn't make it any easier to deal with. Perhaps next time she offers her unwanted advice you have a pre arranged "statement" you can give her. I know I did this with people who would continually offer unhelpful advice. Something along the lines of " the grief I feel at the loss of Cooper will always be there MIL - somedays are great and others are unbearable. This is a process and one that I will move through in my own time, with my chosen support. I would really appreciate if you would respect this..." Perhaps you could phone Bonnie Babes or Sids for kids and ask for some brochures to be sent to you about grief and grieving. You could give them to your MIL so maybe she will understand a little more... I am sorry Lynne. I wish I could give you a big hug in person so know I would if I could. Keep leaning on those who understand.
Spring, This is a big dilemma. One I empathise with. I will tell you a little of some of my story in the hope that it will help you. When our first angel died my MIL told me it was obviously a sign that Ihad had enough children. I was shocked and just couldn't believe her comment when she understood just how much I wanted another child. It really hurt me and that comment often springs to memory and makes me feel sad. My MIL is a bit of a piece of work and due to her comments we haven't told them of our other two baby Angels - I knew that I would hear comments that were not helpful and would serve to hurt me. To protect myself from that we made the decision to keep our babies to ourselves. Of course as you know they died without ever being known to their grandparents... Due to other reasons between my dh and his parents he has not heard from his parents for some time. However, next pregnancy we will not share the baby until it's born - easier for us because DH parents live in country victoria!
I understand why your DH wants to share the news with both sets of parents (we didnt' with subsequent pregnancies we only told my side - simply due to the hurtful nature of my MIL therefore we protected ourselves from comment...). However, maybe you need to talk a little more about this Spring. Perhaps put on hold telling anyone until you feel a sense of resolution about this? It does sound like you have a lot of concerns about her respecting your need for keeping Lil Spring a family secret for the time being. It also sounds like you are concerned about her making inappropriate comments. That is something that has the potential to cause problems for you and your sense of wellbeing.
I am thinking of you Spring and I am hoping that you and DH can come to a place of unity on this one. Just know that it is a really tough one. Lots of love and hugs...
Me, well the Baby Dance Fest has begun and I have very strong ovulatory pains (ON BOTH SIDES!!!! ) today. So I am imagining ovulation will occur tonight or early tomorrow. I pray that we catch those eggs this month - all of us. We deserve it!
Hi to Bailey and Mel - you girls can chat!!!! I hope you both have a beautiful weekend.
Thank you so much Deb. Your words are so wise. I think I believe that she only did it because she thought she was helping. Otherwise I don't think I could forgive her. I guess I don't know what it is like to be on the other side of pain. I don't know what it is like to watch someone in pain and not know how to help them. Your words are perfect and I think next time we have a 'chat' I will use them and hopefully she will understand a bit better. I guess the hardest part or how it made me feel was that I was put in the too hard basket or she didn't know how to deal with my issues so passed me onto someone else.
I'm so sorry to hear about your MIL. Some people just don't think before they speak do they. Every woman is entitled to as many children as they want and it is no-ones decision except for ours. When I read what she had said to you, I was in complete shock and just felt for you at the time and how that would have made you feel. You deserve as many children as you want.
I hate it when people (doctors, MIL) say that I am still young. Sometimes it makes me feel like they are saying don't worry about Cooper, you will have another one, you have plenty of time. They don't know how I am feeling. Age is one thing, but feeling (emotional and physically) is another. I know that 29 is not 'old' to start a family. But when I started this journey at 26, 3 years ago, it feels like eternity and I do feel old. I am not saying that 29 is old, I am saying that I feel old. People just don't seem to understand the way I feel. It is in my mind that I should have 2 babies by now. That is what was planned - 26 and 28. If I have learnt one thing on this journey it is that life is not how we plan it.
Sorry for rambling..................
I hope you got that eggie Deb. Or you get it tonight or tomorrow. Sending you heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps of
Spring - How did it all go? I am sorry you ahve to go through all that cr@p with MIL. I can understand why your DH wants to tell her, but I even more understand why you don't want him too. It just sucks that you should be enjoying this time (well as much as us lot ever could) and instead you are having to stress about this. If you do have to tell her, please try not to let her thoughts/comments or her potential to spill the beans worry you. At least you are interstate and you physically don't have to deal with it. Outta sight outta mind - make it your new mantra!! I hope what ever you guys decide, you are ok with it. How did your family react??
Lynn - OMG, how's your MIL's form?? More front than Dolly Parton is what my mum would say to that. but seriously, what Flowerchild said makes sense to me, that she may just not know what else to do, so this makes her feel like she's 'helping' in saome way. Try not to let it get you down too much, you just don't need it. Sorry to hear about your not so good BT's, hopefully wednesdays will be better.
Flowerchild - Woo Hoo on your egg's! Hopefully they are on their way!
Mel - I am going to go and find Nathan's my space sight and drool over him. Lol, how gross is he? Hopefully I can buy his record from his site for you. Sorry, that wasn't funny. I will go and have a perve now!
Flowerchild: How did you ever get so wise. Thank you so much for your kind and insightful words. I really thought about what you had to say and coming from someone who has had to endure some terrible treatment from their MIL, I am so grateful for you sharing.
Lynn: WOW, back off MIL, that is just not on. What sort of professional would just call you out of the blue? Doesn't sound like they know what they are doing. I know that you MIL was just trying to help but I agree with Flowerchild, there are some boundary issues there. Big hugs hun, another thing in common, screwed MIL
Bailey: "More front than Dolly Parton" I love it, can I use that one. Thanks also for the advice. I agree with the outta sight outta mind thing, although I wished I was in Melbourne more so that I could see Mel, I am glad that there is still a State between MIL and me.
Mel: How is the weekend with the Kids going? I hope that are behaving and being as cute as they usually are. Thanks for your advice about MIL. You are such a gem and I couldn't do without you.
Well we did it, the calls have been made and I'm exhausted. Talked to Mum and Dad first and Mum was crying (with happiness) before I even finished my sentence. Mum and Dad are wonderful, very supportive and offer such encouragment. Spoke to my Best Friend and Big sister and after they stoped crying (I must have that effect) they were both so excited and amazed that I had kept it quiet this long.
DH called his Mother and father separately (they are divorced) and I just didn't listen. Apparently she didn't say anything stupid and didn't ask to speak to me. I ummed and arhhed over telling her for the last week and I think that it was more important to me that DH got to tell his parents then to worry about the crap that comes out of her mouth. He said something very insightful to me, he said 'I don't like my mother but I love my mother so it is very important to me that she is told'. I couldn't really argue with that could I. So whats done is done, I am out and proud (lol)
Anyway, we are going to relax for a while and I'll pop in later on.
Lynn I would say she did put you in the too hard basket my love - not because she doesn't care but because she hasn't got the skills to help... It is a special ability to sit with someone else when they are in pain - not everyone has that ability unfortunately...
Don't be too despondent at your bloods. CD9 today and if you ar a late ovulator it doesn't surprise me that your "girls" are a bit quiet. On Wednesday you will know a little more my love. I am hoping this is the month for you Lynn
Thanks for congratulating my gorgeous eggs Bailey!!!!! I feel pretty woo hoo too!!!
I am very very uncomfortable though so hopefully that means good things are happening in ovary land!!!! (she says a little for twins!!!! )
We are going out to dinner tonight so I need to go and begin the bathing process!!!!
Well done Spring - your DH sounds like a very nice man. Congratulations on "coming out". Now, you just sit back and gestate okay???? Big hugs - what a huge day it's been...
OMG I have so much to catch up on, just wanted to let you know family and Me doing OK thanks very much to all the wonderful support from you super women.
DEB Go get them, those eggies there! Lots of good stuff im sending your way!
Im goin to try and catch up on post and all thats been happening in here but if I dnt get back tonight I will tomorrow night. We just got back from Bowral and I drove home......to say the least a little stuffed, both from eating and driving
So sweet dreams to you all I hope your all well (im sure i will find out soon)
TTC after Stillbirth/Recurrent Miscarriage or Loss after the 1st Trimester March 2007
LOL
vibes. 
vibes I can muster. 
Hi everyone,
to everyone, and I will come back later.
Is DH home this weekend? Oh and 13 weeks tomorrow YAY! But hey who's counting? 
vibes coming your way!
Due to other reasons between my dh and his parents he has not heard from his parents for some time. However, next pregnancy we will not share the baby until it's born - easier for us because DH parents live in country victoria!
I hope you got that eggie Deb. Or you get it tonight or tomorrow. Sending you heaps and heaps and heaps and heaps of 
Sorry, that wasn't funny. I will go and have a perve now!
about your positive OPK. I would be so happy if you graduated with Twins. 
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