Hey Spring,

I know I am not alone but sometimes I really feel like I am. Not in the sense that I am the only one going through this journey, but more like I am the only one who is in my head and no one around me (in person that is) knows how it feels. I have text my big sister but dont feel up to calling her. Plus, Michael will be back with the kids soon and I have to try and pull myself together before they arrive.

We are going to MILs this afternoon and she is showing me how to make her home-made vegetarian pasties (which I am totally addicted to) and then staying for dinner. I was considering saying I wasnt going to go cause I know I will be a bit down but then I thought well if I am down I am and they just have to accept that - usually I go to places and put on a brave face like all is peachy but why should I? If they are uncomfortable with it its their problem. I am pretty sure MIL will be ok and understand, FIL is a nuffy anyway so I dont care what he thinks. Plus, we have told the kids we are going so cant change our mind now. My sis suggested them going and me staying home but I really dont think its the best idea for me to stay home alone while I feel like this - I would be a mess by the time they got home.

My FS appointment is on 15th May (2 days after I am due to O next cycle ). I really wish I could get in earlier and try to get to talk to him before I am due to O but apparently he is busy. I know compared to alot of other people who have been trying a whie my fertility problems are insignificant. It is Nicholas 8 month birthday next Saturday and I cannot believe I am still struggling to conceive - I expected I would be about 6 months pregnant by now

Anyway, I will live - thanks for your support, you have no idea how much it means to me