You make a really good point. As soon as you loose a child you have an instant affinity with other parents in the same situation. I was talking to my sister about all the girls on BB and I said even though I haven't met some of you face to face, I feel like we have shared three lifetimes of friendship together. Does that make sense? It does make you feel guilty though, how naive was I to the ways of the world beforehand. I have lived such a normal (and I guess privileged) life. My parents loved and supported my sisters and I, they love each other and have been married 37 years. I have been lucky enough to receive a tertiary education, I have the most wonderful man as a husband and then CA-POW, I loose a child.
If we are all that little bit more compassionate and understanding as a result of loosing out children then that is a lesson that I am proud to have learnt, no matter how many tears that has cost me. We could have gone the complete opposite direction and become bitter and angry (and I guess some days we are) but I think that the level of support and compassion from the ladies in this group is such a blessing.
Oh and may I say, thank God for the internet. I don't know how people like your Aunty survived without this almost instant support. Give her a hug for me.
Haven't had much of a chance to jump on lately. Spent the day with mum yesterday and we had a little cry (on Tuesday it will be 10 years since my dad died peacefully at age 65). Mum asked what i was doing on Tuesday and i said that i would spend it with her. We can't believe it has been 10 years and we both had a few tears.
I asked "do you cry often?" and she said "yeh, some times - you know what it is like (comparing to Tommy)"... When she said this i thought **** it still really hurts her (i mean i know it does but it still really hurts). We started to laugh a bit too as we said how life can be so sh*t !
Then i thought of my aunty who lost a baby at 7 days old (30 years ago) and a daughter at around 9 from memory (some 20 years ago) and i wonder how she is really coping. It is never talked about.
My sister told me the other day her friends mother lost a baby about 40 years ago and when it is talked about she balls her eyes out. I have heard so many similar stories since too (many friends didnt' know they had a brother/sister who died until our baby died).
It makes you feel bad - cause until it happens to you you don't know how to feel and how to react and if you should talk about it. I only ever talked to my aunty about her loss when my Tommy died (i was too young at the time when her children died and of course never knew what to say after that) - it brought back all the memories for her but she was happy at the same time as we got to say goodbye to our baby (she didn't) and we had a dignified funeral for him (she didn't have one at all in those days). I think her holding Tommy was a release for her for her baby.
I just think myself/ourselves as lucky that we are in the times we are now with the support that we have, although small. I mean we might have each other here on BB (Belly Belly not silly Big Brother) and a few family and friends but back in the 70's and earlier/later what did they have???
I don't know where this is going but going through this experience has really changed my outlook on life (as it would everyone) but i wish i was a bit more "open" to it beforehand so i could have supported those close to me a bit more.....
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