Oh hun. That's horrible. Please believe me when I say not all churches are like that!

Two things I think here - the lack of contact and support while you were grieving and the baptism thing.

The church should have a pastoral care program - that is a person, a team, whatever, that looks after the congregation. In my church, every member of the parish is assigned to a "pastoral carer", someone who touches base with you if you haven't been around for a while, to see if everything is ok or if you need prayer or support for anything.

When we almost lost my DD, we were still active with the church but we got angry with God too and our minister knew that. She made a point of coming and speaking to us every week and I bet was checking in with our small group leader too. It is disgraceful that when you felt distant from God because of your losses, your minister and church were not there for you. I'm so sorry that happened.

As for the refusing to baptize - that is absolute rubbish. Churches should view baptisms as a form of evangelism - when you baptize your child, you invite your family and friends to share your special day and this gives the church a chance to reach out to these people. They should be jumping at the chance.

Further, a child is a child - innocent unto sin. Part of the words we say when we baptize our child is taking on the sin of the child until they are old enough to take on their sin themselves. Your church should not be punishing your child for any perceived slight that you may have done. Perceived I say. I don't feel that you have done anything wrong at all, let me just say that!

My sister and family I wouldn't say are the most "active" members at our church, yet both her kidlets have been baptized there no dramas.

I think you definitely need to talk to them about it, then find a new church. There are others out there... I definitely agree with the PP who said that this might just be God directing you to find a different place to worship and come back to Him.