Well, I guess you could say my family is very different...some of the above posts say I should be financially dependent from my parents and that will show that I'm responsible enough to get married...it doesn't just work like that. My parents are pretty smothering ans strict. They love me so much, as I love them dearly too, but they have worked so hard to give all three of their children equal opportunities in life. I respect and appreciate them for that, however they are not exactly letting me become independent. They have always paid for everthing for me and always told me to not worry about it I'm in school and shouldn't stress out. Well, I look at it this way. I'm in college. I'm an adult. I want to be independent and be able to stand on my own two feet before I get married and depend on my husband. I want to learn how to pay bills and have my own insurance and loans. And believe me, I have tried discussing this with them and have stated my reasons calmly in the hopes that they would let me take on more of my own resposibilites. If I were to just do it anyways, it would be a slap in the face to my dad. He has in his mind what he wants me to do with my life, who he wants me to marry, when he wants me to get married, who I'm friends with, I mean I chose my college based on the choices HE gave me! And I understand he wants the best for me but if there's ever a time that I don't do exactly what he wants me to do he gets so hurt, sometimes angry, and always dissapointed. Here lately, its been anger about every decision I've made pretty much. I've taken out my own credit cards and I schedule all my own medical appts and take care of all my school information, but my parents refuse to let me pay for anything! I don't feel like anything I have is really mine or atleast my choice. so I know Lulu2 thinks I'm decieving my parents, but that's kinda the only way I am able to make decisions without my dad getting so mad that he will cut me off...and I don't mean financially I mean out of their lives. It's kinda hard not to get emotional when I talk to them about it because I either lose the man I love, the one I feel is the only one for me, or four people who I love more then life itself. They are giving me an ultimatum, and I am trying to hold out as long as I can, not discuss it for fear I'll be put on the spot and make the wrong choice. So with these posts, I've been trying to see what I want to do. At first, I thought well maybe I can just get married but keep it to myself just long enough to figure out how to tell them so they dont try to talk me out of it and make me miserable....but then I realize before I even logged back on that it was definately a dumb Idea and would hurt them more than I already have in their eyes. So then I thought, well an engagement would be the best way to go and then things will hopefully calm down in my DF's absense and then I can gradually hit them with the news! So now that I've had plenty of time to think about it and talk t over with my DF, we have decided that's what we were going to do. Thanks for all the advice! I'm really trying to financially seperate from them. I finally got my own phone plan and cradit cards and stuff...but they still treat me like I'm in middle school. I am a mature adult and am dealing with all of it the best way I can. I don't want to hurt anyone, and in my family thats something that is extremely hard to do. But again, thanks you guys! You've given great suggestions, most I've tried! I guess I'll just have to try harder! if thats possible!!!